Smile for Me
by Sleep Walking Chicken
Summary: Another LJ community collection of oneshots, this time for the 30 smiles community. Each one shot must feature a smile. Each chapter stands alone and showcases the relationship between Sirius and Remus.
1. Why

**Why?  
**_Theme #23_: Weak Heart

_Author's notes:_ For the 30smiles LJ community. Kind of like thirty kisses, only, obviously, with smiles instead of kisses. It's a great community, I recommend it.

---

He was weak, Sirius knew that. Had he always been weak? He couldn't be sure. He knew he was privileged, he was loved… at least he was at Hogwarts.

Now, he wasn't so sure. Hogwarts was gone. He was captured. He was a prisoner.

All around him he heard screaming, he heard crying, he heard whimpering, and he heard that disgusting, terrifying gliding of a dementor as it sucked out any remaining happiness that could have somehow plagued a prisoner of Azkaban. And he had nothing left, only that one thought of his innocence. That one, simple thought was the only thing that kept him from screaming and from crying like the rest of them.

Oh no, he screamed and cried, too, for sure. But it wasn't insane screaming and crying. Oh no, he only screamed for the things he regretted and he only cried for the things he lost.

In his mind, every time he awoke, he would wish he could fall back asleep again and never awaken. Surely there was nothing worse than this hell. To always see them. To always see their ghosts and know that he'd been the cause of this all. It was all his fault. To always see Remus and know he was the cause of so much pain.

Every little fight he ever had with Remus played in his mind. Every moment when he would snap at James played in his mind. Every moment he believed that Peter was a good person…

Why was this so painful?

Why did the dementors suck out all his happy memories and leave these painful memories in their wake? Why? _Why?_

He had a weak heart. His heart throbbed whenever he pictured Remus. He begged his mind to show him happy Remus, the Remus he wished to remember so well. The Remus who was smiling at him, laughing with him, thankful to have him in his life…

But whenever he pictured Remus he could only see his pained expression, those impossibly sad eyes. He was frowning at him. He was distressed.

Why had he believed Remus was the spy? Why had he doubted Remus for just one second? Wasn't their bond deeper than that?

Why couldn't Remus smile at him, just one more time?

'_Don't frown…' _he pleaded, '_Just smile for me. Please.'_

But Remus would never smile at him again.

A dementor glided by and his entire world smashed to pieces, leaving only James' dead, vacant expression, Lily's tear-stained cheeks, Peter's victoriously fearful look, and the impossibly betrayed expression painting Remus' face as he was carried away to Azkaban without the privilege of a trial.

Sirius crumbled in his cell, grasping his hair and pulling on the greasy, dirty black locks as if that would break him away from this impossibly bitter pain.

'_Why…?'_ his mind screamed at him.

He was sliding farther and farther downwards, his heart cracking with every level he reached. He was sliding into Hell, his own personal Hell.

He had a weak heart, and he feared it would not be healed until he saw Remus' smile again.


	2. Play My Song

**Play my Song **  
_Theme #2: _Ultra Relax

---

Remus struck the piano keys powerfully, feeling his brow scrunch in concentration as he shook his head and scribbled something off his sheet of paper before adding a different note. He nodded in satisfaction and tried the new stanza before moving on.

High above him, in a tower, his three roommates slept. Remus pressed down the left pedal with his foot and the music he produced came out far softer. He contemplated this new sound before removing his foot and retrying the stanza. He pressed down the sustain pedal and found that far better for his music—the notes resonated off the stone walls surrounding him.

"Lovely," he told no one as he finished his last stanza and looked back to observe his work. He'd been working on this song for a couple weeks now, and he was fairly pleased with it.

He'd discovered the music room in Hogwarts nearly two years ago, and it provided him a solace from the hectic nature of his life at the school for witchcraft and wizardry. Remus never claimed to be a musician, but he did enjoy the grand piano centered in the middle of the large room. As far as Remus could tell, he was the only one who used the music room. But he liked it that way. It provided him a sanctuary for which he could escape.

Now, he'd finished his song just in the nick of time. Tomorrow was the beginning of the holidays, and James had invited Peter, Sirius, and himself to his home in England for the holidays. Sirius had accepted without a moment's hesitation and Peter was quick to follow after the two larger boys. Remus had been skeptical, because of the moon issue, but, once again, his impulsive friends managed to convince him otherwise.

He played the song the whole way through and lifted his head up towards the ceiling, wondering if Sirius and the others could hear him. He played songs for them, sometimes, whether they were aware of it or not. He knew that they could hear him sometimes. A couple months ago Peter had awoken with one of his songs stuck in his head for the entire day.

Playing the music kept him relaxed and he felt free and in control when playing the music. He wished that Sirius could hear him. He finished his song.

---

"Freedom!" James and Sirius declared loudly, in unison, as they leapt off the Hogwarts Express, Peter and Remus in tow.

"This is going to be a long holiday," Remus muttered, massaging his temples.

"Moony's being a wet blanket again," Peter warned, laughter in his eyes.

James and Sirius turned around instantly to survey their hopeless friend. Remus rolled his eyes upwards, knowing that, despite his complaining, he was incredibly thankful for their presence in his life.

"Cheer up, Moony," James declared, slinging his arm around Remus' shoulder. "Relax a bit. It's the holidays!"

"It's bloody cold," Remus grumped, simply for the sake of being stubborn.

"Look, there's Mum!" James said, pointing and waving at his mother, who returned the sentiment nearly as enthusiastically as her son.

They traveled by floo powder to James' house, and the four boys thundered upstairs to find their rooms. James waved Peter into his room—the first on the left. He showed Remus to his room and Sirius to his, both the first and second on the right, respectively. Remus was surprised at how much room James' house had. But it was to be expected. James was from a very powerful and wealthy pureblood family.

"Is this good, Moony?" James asked as he opened Remus' door and showed the werewolf boy his room. Remus observed it for a moment before nodding his head and dropping his trunk at the foot of the modest bed.

"It's perfect. Thanks," Remus said and waved his friend away. James left to see if Peter and Sirius needed help. James was bad at hiding his excitement at having all three of his friends home for the holidays. In their six years of knowing each other, this had never happened.

Remus snickered to himself as he unpacked the essentials from his trunk before leaving the room and going downstairs.

James' father had come home over the course of the boys' arrivals, and he greeted Remus as he entered the kitchen. Sirius and James were already exploring the pantry for food to eat and Peter wasn't far behind Remus.

Remus looked around the kitchen and found it almost soothing in a way. He never felt at home in large places—he constantly felt like someone was watching him from the shadows—but the Potter's home was lovely and he found it charming.

"Thank you for having me," Remus said as he sat down at the table. Mrs. Potter offered Remus some tea and he took it gratefully.

The large gathering of people enjoyed tea in the kitchen when something caught Remus' eye.

"I'm sorry," Remus said as he looked towards Mrs. Potter, "but is that a piano?"

"Hm?" the woman asked and looked towards where Remus was pointing. Her face lit up. "Oh yes. I used to play when I was younger. Tell me, Remus dear, do you play?"

Remus felt eyes on him and he took a long drink from his tea, wishing to evade the question. Playing the piano was something very personal for him and he did not wish to reveal that personal sanctuary for him.

"Not very well," he said instead.

"I didn't know you played, Moony," Sirius protested, looking quite scandalized to have such information kept from him.

"Not very well," Remus said again, feeling his cheeks turn pink at the unnecessary attention from Sirius. If the boy knew he'd actually written a song for him, Remus would never live it down.

"Play something for us, Moony," James commanded in that tone he got whenever he wanted something desperately. James had a habit to always get what he wanted—sans a certain redhead—and Remus knew that he would not rest until he heard Remus play.

Remus bit his lip. "I really can't."

"Moooony…" James complained.

"May I have more tea, please?" Remus asked evasively as he turned to Mrs. Potter.

Mrs. Potter smiled benignly. "I'd like to hear you play, too, Remus dear." She poured him more tea as she spoke, "It would be lovely."

Who was he to deny the woman who'd so graciously taken him in for the holidays?

"Fine," he said, defeated. He stood up.

"Hurray!" Sirius cheered and gave Peter a high-five.

Remus moved cautiously towards the piano. He passed through the doorway and entered the elegant room parallel to the kitchen. His companions filtered in behind him, eager to see him play. Remus swallowed thickly and ran his fingers over the yellowed ivory. He pressed down on a key and a crisp note chirped in the silent room.

Remus sat down at the old piano bench and stared at the sheet music sitting before him. Classical music. He tilted his head towards his friends.

"What should I play?" he asked.

"Anything you'd like," Mrs. Potter insisted, looking pleased to see some musical creativity in the house again. She watched Remus keenly.

"All right," Remus said with a nod and reached out his hands and struck the keys. The piano was untuned, but he didn't stop to correct it. He played a quick piece he'd written a year ago, right before O.W.L.S. It was a quick, frightened song and it ended swiftly, just as Remus wanted.

He stood up.

"It's untuned," he said defensively, sure that they'd criticize him.

"That was beautiful," Mrs. Potter said delicately, and she looked like she meant it. Mr. Potter nodded his head.

"Excellent job, mate," Sirius complemented, and then was quickly distracted. "Hey, it's snowing outside!"

Remus was thankful for the change of subject. He slunk away from the piano, vowing he'd come back and tune it that night.

---

True to his promise, that night, as snow fell peacefully outside and the residents of the house were sleeping, Remus came downstairs and looked at the beautiful piano before him. With his tools in hand, Remus was ready. He licked dry lips and went to work of tuning it. He struck the keys and worked diligently for what felt like hours.

Remus hummed to himself. He realized vaguely that he was humming the song he'd written for Sirius. Perhaps he'd play that after he was done. That seemed to motivate him because he moved quickly over the cords, tightening and tuning.

"Perfect," he murmured after half an hour of working on the piano. He ran his fingertips over the ivory keys again and listened to the gentle hum of harmony issuing from the piano.

He sat down at the bench and inhaled. The gentle waning half-moon outside spilled through the window and bathed him in soft moonlight. He felt the same wave of relaxation rush over him as his fingers splayed over the keys as they had millions of times before.

He played simple songs, warming up to the piano and warming up to the songs that danced in his heart. He did not need sheet music. He'd memorized his pieces many times before. They were the mirrors of his soul, and he did not need a guiding hand to express his world through music.

"Moony?" a voice questioned behind him and Remus jumped, his palm striking down on four keys in unison and producing a wretched sound.

Remus whirled around and stared at Sirius in shock. The boy looked muddled and tired and he looked at Remus in confusion.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot, did I wake you?" Remus questioned, feeling raw and exposed.

"Nah, I wasn't sleeping," Sirius said with a dismissing wave of his hand. "I heard you walk by my room, though. I thought you were just going to the loo."

"No," Remus admitted, though it was perfectly clear that Remus was most certainly not taking care of his business in the washroom.

"What are you doing down here?"

"I was tuning the piano," Remus admitted. He'd never been able to lie to Sirius.

The said boy walked towards the werewolf and Remus stood up quickly. He swallowed as Sirius looked over at the piano and back at Remus. His long fingers struck a key and it penetrated the uneasy silence. Sirius smiled cheekily and he ruffled Remus' hair.

"You never struck me as the musical type, Moony," Sirius admitted.

"Well, Sirius," Remus said after a pregnant pause, unsure what to make of his situation. "I don't make it a habit to announce my hobbies to others."

"What were you playing?" Sirius questioned, frowning thoughtfully.

"Nothing special," Remus brushed it off. Had Sirius come in minutes later he would have witness Remus playing the song he'd written for Sirius. Though Sirius would never know the song was for him, it would have been enough to kill Remus.

"Play something," Sirius urged. He looked earnest. "I mean… if you want to."

"I… I…" Remus swallowed and offered him a tentative smile. "Okay."

Sirius perked up and moved aside so that Remus could sit down. Remus stared at the keys distantly, summing up the courage to play one of the songs from the inner sanctums of his heart for Sirius to hear. He tilted his head and looked at Sirius. The black-haired boy offered him a small, warm smile.

Remus played a song he'd written for winter. He felt it appropriate, given the fact that the moon outside was reflecting light off the newly fallen snow. All around him he could see winter and Christmas.

After he finished, the song ebbed away into nothingness.

"Geez, Moony. What song was that?" Sirius asked, amazed. He leaned over Remus' shoulder, searching for sheet music.

"I… I wrote it," Remus said after some hesitation. Sirius looked at him in surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah… it's stupid… I know," Remus said quietly.

"It's nice," Sirius offered. Remus couldn't help but smile. "Where did you get all this creativity from, anyway, Moony?"

"I just… listen to the world and make it into music?" Remus offered lamely. He looked away. "I can't describe it. I just see or hear something and I make a song about it."

"What was this one about?"

"Winter."

Sirius nodded his head. "I see."

He paused.

"What else have you written?"

"Lots of things," Remus said offhandedly. "At least two for each season. About Hogwarts. Riding broomsticks. Walking outside in the spring. The rain. The snow. The sun. The squid."

"Us?" Sirius asked and Remus nearly choked on his breath.

"What?"

"The Marauders," Sirius clarified, looking distracted.

Remus pursed his lips. "I haven't. I've only written a song for one person."

He realized too late that he'd almost let it slip. He clapped a hand over his mouth and gave Sirius a bewildered look. The dark haired boy gave him a questioning look but Remus refused to clarify.

"Who?"

"No one," Remus said too quickly.

"Come on, you can tell me," Sirius insisted, pressing a finger to his lips. "I can keep a secret. Come on… is it a bird, or something?"

"No," Remus said hotly.

"So it's about a bloke, then."

"No!" Remus cried out defensively.

Sirius laughed. "Then who's it about, Moony? If it's not a bird or a bloke? Is it a ghost, then? Are you writing songs for Nearly Headless Nick?"

"It's about you, okay?" Remus snapped then realized what he said. "Oh, bullocks."

He turned his head away and nearly smashed his forehead against the piano. He'd vowed never to tell anyone—especially Sirius—about the song he'd written for him. Hopefully Sirius wouldn't inquire too deeply into the seemingly romantic act of writing a song for him. Remus' cheeks turned red.

"You wrote a song for me?" Sirius asked, surprised. Then, he smirked. "Am I not a bloke, Moony?"

"Shut up, Sirius," Remus muttered to his hands as he hid his face.

"Play it," Sirius commanded. How could Remus say no to a voice like that?

"I don't want to," Remus said, trying his hardest to resist against the wonderment that was Sirius. Sirius persisted however, and even went so far as to tug on Remus' light brown hair. "Hey! _Ow_! Damn it, Sirius, cut it out."

"Play it," Sirius said again. "Or I'll tell everyone that you wrote me a song."

"Sirius!" Remus protested, looking quite scandalized. Sirius wouldn't sway, however, and continued tugging on Remus' hair.

Remus, to his credit, put up a valiant effort to resist Sirius, but the young man was unrelenting, and once he got his eyes on something he seldom released his hold on it. Remus, righteously frustrated, could do nothing to protect himself.

"Fine," Remus snarled, feeling enraged.

He turned back to the keys and glared at them, as if they had helped assist Sirius in his pursuit of getting Remus to play the piano. Sirius, grinning like the cheeky bastard he was, stepped closer to watch Remus play. The said werewolf surveyed his surroundings a bit, determining that after he played this song something would shift between them. Remus' entire heart and soul was in his song, and he didn't doubt that Sirius would hear it.

Remus inhaled sharply, trying to calm himself down.

'_Relax,'_ he told himself smoothly as he brushed his pale fingertips over equally pale keys. _'This is Sirius. He's your friend, no matter what.'_

Clearing his throat, he glanced at Sirius. "I'm sorry if you don't like it," he apologized, "it's kind of bad."

"Nah," Sirius insisted, though he had not yet heard the song. He smiled. "I'm sure it's perfect."

Remus closed his eyes and felt a wave of calm overflow within him and drown him. He greeted it happily, not wishing to feel the repercussions of playing this song. He almost forgot Sirius was there. He was alone.

He played his song.

His fingers danced over the keys, producing the softest of songs Remus had ever created. He couldn't describe the song. All it was… it was all… it was all for Sirius.

_Sirius._

Remus' eyes remained shut as he played the song from memory. He'd played it so many times. He'd written it so long ago, it seemed like a century. This entire song was for Sirius. He wrote it for Sirius. And now he played it for Sirius.

Sirius stared at him, his lips parted in thought as he watched the way Remus ebbed and flowed in time with the song. He couldn't describe the feelings dancing inside him, screaming out for the young man who played this song. His heart cried out for a companion.

And it tickled something inside his mind. It seemed familiar. It seemed safe.

It sounded like a sad song. A lonely song. There was something inside the notes, searching for someone to sing with. Sirius could hear the downhearted notes weaving between the softest pinpricks of fervor. It melded together and produced the most beautiful song Sirius had ever heard.

There was so much in theses notes.

"I've heard this before," Sirius realized and marveled as he watched his werewolf friend play the piano perfectly. Remus' eyes were closed as his long fingers brushed over the ivory keys as if it were nothing.

The music filled the room and it was more beautiful than anything Sirius had heard before. Perhaps because Remus was the one playing and not some old, dead guy like Mozart or Beethoven.

Remus' fingers flew over the keys; never striking a wrong note and making it look like child's play. Sirius couldn't understand how the boy could move his fingers so quickly—they seemed to be moving faster than Sirius could think.

"I've heard this before," Sirius said again, inching closer to the boy playing the piano.

Remus didn't open his eyes. He smiled sweetly and delved into the music. "Of course you have."

Sirius looked at the boy thoughtfully. "What do you mean?"

"There is a music room in Hogwarts," Remus said matter-of-factly. His words seemed to be punctuating the power in the music. "And when someone is playing it—if it is quiet enough and one is not hard of hearing—it can be heard from our dormitory."

"How would you know that?" Sirius asked.

"Well," Remus said, as he continued to play, his voice a soft sing-song accompanying the beautiful music flowing in the room. "I wrote this song. I've only played it at night when everyone is asleep. And you've heard it before. Thus, you must have been sleeping and heard it while I was playing."

Sirius sat down on the piano bench next to Remus, watching in wonderment as the soft piano playing soothed his heart and left him feeling nostalgic. The music Remus produced was magic, and Sirius knew that it had nothing to do with wizardry.

Remus' smile widened and he continued to play with a flourish, his eyes still shut as he felt the music flowing through his veins. Sirius swallowed and leaned forward, observing Remus' profile.

He heard everything in this song. He could hear every little note that Remus had worked over. He could see something in Remus' serene face. It was there. It'd been there all along.

Inhaling deeply, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Remus. This moment was a magical moment.

The song continued and Sirius' lips stayed against Remus'. Remus continued to play his song but it didn't sound quite so melancholy anymore. There was a slight uplifting note dancing in-between the notes and Sirius felt Remus press back against him.

Sirius pulled away slowly. Remus was still smiling peacefully and, slowly he opened his eyes. The beautiful honey depths stared at Sirius lightly before he grinned, flashing pearly white teeth.

"Really, Sirius," Remus said as he struck the last key and the room ebbed away into silence. He lifted his hands from the ivory keys and touched his cheek. "Couldn't you have waited for me to finish my song?"

Sirius, still grinning like a fool, leaned over and kissed Remus again.


	3. Good Night

**Good Night**  
_Theme #24: _Skylines

---

The stars were created to give the moon company.

Sirius used to tell him that. Remus always found it bitterly romantic, for he never did like the moon. Sirius would argue that the moon would be lonely without the stars as company. Stars would dance in the night sky so that the moon would never feel alone.

Remus gripped his arms as he shivered into himself. He was alone now.

He stared at the sky and sought out Sirius' namesake. He didn't have to look long. He'd spent countless nights searching for the star, and he never failed to find it. His eyes reflected the stars in the sky and he watched the way the clouds revealed the moon. His eyes stayed on that full orb before he felt himself slipping away.

Remus reached out a hand fruitlessly, as if trying to grasp Sirius in the night sky. Claws grew from his fingertips and he felt his world melting away.

He would never be able to reach him again.

"Good night," he whispered out bitterly, a sad, mirthless smile on his lips, as his world melted away into the darkness. He howled for his loss. He howled for Sirius.


	4. Away We Go

**Away We Go**  
_Theme #15:_ Don't Leave it Hanging!

---

Remus wasn't sure how Sirius had convinced him to do this.

If there was one thing about Remus everyone could agree on, it was that he liked his feet firmly on the ground. In the inner circle of friends, it was known that Remus preferred to stay in control of everything he could. Because he lost control once a month, it was understandable that Remus liked to have control over the other aspects of his life.

Perhaps that was why Remus found something as wild and dangerous as a broomstick so unappealing. In their first year, when they first learned to ride a broom, James and Sirius excelled and had a wonderful time. Lily, Peter, and other classmates hesitated but soon grew to enjoy the feel of the wind in their hair. Remus, however, loathed the brooms' very existence.

He was still under the opinion that the broom should be used only for housework and sweeping. There was something terribly unappealing about the broom that just made Remus' skin crawl. He didn't find the strange feeling of losing control in the sky at all interesting or desirable.

So, for the life of him, Remus could not even begin to fathom how Sirius managed to get him down to the pitch with a mediocre school broom in his hand. He stared glumly down at it, as if the broom were the reason he was down at the stadium instead of up in the Common Room enjoying a wonderful English classic.

Sirius, naturally, was grinning like a loon. This furthered Remus' frustration.

"Come on, Moony, you promised," Sirius urged, still grinning cheekily.

Remus sighed, exasperated. "I do not remember this supposed promise, Sirius."

"That, my oh-so-forgetful friend, is because you were half asleep when I asked you," Sirius reminded without shame, still grinning happily, despite the withered look Remus gave him. He laughed heartily, sounding like a yipping dog and gestured the hand holding his own broomstick. "Come now, Moony, be a good sport and get on the broom."

"I haven't ridden one of these since first year," Remus said angrily, frustrated that Sirius managed to take advantage of his sleepy state. This was the last time he ever spoke to Sirius, he was sure of it. "This can't be safe."

"You're such a worry-wart, Moony," Sirius whined in that childish way of his, batting his eyelashes and his blue eyes glittering. Remus turned away with pursed lips, feeling that Sirius would only spend this outing as an opportunity to make him feel stupid and guilty.

"I am not," he defended half-heartily. Sirius was still grinning. Remus felt like smacking him and running back up to the school. But he didn't feel like being caught by the faster black-haired boy.

"Come on, get on the broomstick," Sirius coached, sounding like he was the one humoring Remus, instead of getting supreme satisfaction in seeing Remus' discomfort. "You'll be fine. I'm right here."

Remus cursed and stared meekly at the broomstick. He wondered again if perhaps trying to make a getaway would be worth it. If he managed to lose Sirius, all he'd have to do was avoid him for a couple weeks until Sirius' fickle attentions were caught up again with something completely different and completely irrelevant to his current distress.

But, Remus soon realized, Sirius was waiting for him.

"Why do you want me to do this, anyway?" Remus asked, trying to find some way to convince Sirius that he did _not_ want to ride a broomstick any time soon. This was why he wasn't on the Gryffindor team. He didn't _like_ riding broomsticks. No, he much preferred his nice, safe, _boring_ books.

"Because," Sirius said in his Sirius way, offering up no logical explanation for this sudden interest in Remus' flying techniques. Remus could have cheerfully strangled the boy.

"Because why?" Remus pressed, pursing his lips together and giving Sirius an agitated look.

Sirius seemed to be genuinely thinking of a good answer. When no marvelous idea came to his mind, he simply shrugged and waved his broomstick around like a club before preparing to lift off. He gave Remus a pointed look, telling him that if he tried to run he would catch him. Remus' frown deepened.

Remus stood on the firm ground and watched as Sirius soared up above him. He seemed so far away, and the huge grin was still in place. Suddenly, Remus felt very lonely as he watched Sirius breeze around in the air like he owned the sky.

Sighing in a resigned manner, Remus mounted the broom for the first time in several years. Still frowning deeply and knowing that this was all some huge mistake, he recalled what he'd been taught that first dreadful flying lesson.

Swallowing thickly, Remus kicked off the ground and felt the wind whip his hair away from his forehead. He clenched his eyes shut as he slowly rose off the ground. He didn't dare open his eyes until he urged the broom to stop after he felt it was high enough.

He heard Sirius whiz by and clenched the broom tightly. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes and watched Sirius do a small barrel roll before coming to a stop beside him. He was still grinning. Remus wanted more than anything to wipe that smile from his face.

"There now, you big baby, that wasn't too bad," Sirius drawled out, looking quite pleased with himself.

Not wanting to admit that Sirius was right, Remus remained silent.

"Go higher," Sirius urged and shot higher, circling the stand and spinning between the goals on the opposite end of the field. He looked like he was chasing after a snitch, and he was laughing brilliant.

Remus contented himself by watching Sirius' joy, determined that he would never be as comfortable on the broom as he was, if his white knuckles and clenched body were any indication, but enjoying the view from the broom. He could see the grounds far better than he'd imagined.

"Come on, Moony," Sirius shouted as he shot past, doing a small roll in air and going up almost vertically. Remus shook his head and followed after him far tentatively and keeping his broom perfectly horizontal.

Then he felt something bubbling in his chest as he continued watching Sirius and dared to go a bit faster. It took him a moment to realize he was laughing along with Sirius' loud barks. Momentarily, he rose up faster and his grip lessened.

He tried following after Sirius, but the broom-lover was going far too fast for Remus' comfort. Notwithstanding his discomfort, Remus felt another laugh leave his mouth and he closed his eyes in a momentary moment of bliss. He was almost glad that Sirius was making him do this.

He dared to turn in another direction instead of tottering in the same direction.

Suddenly, he was slipping off the broom and that momentary moment of glee disappeared in a flash. His eyes widened in fear and he grasped the broomstick for dear life as his legs slipped off and he hung on hopelessly, his feet kicking out below him.

Remus was not the strongest boy in the world, but he could manage to hold his body weight. He couldn't managed, however, to pull himself back up onto the broom. He felt his equilibrium leave him as the broom continued scooting around the pitch, dragging him along with it, hanging there pointlessly.

"Shit," he cursed loudly and Sirius must have heard him, finally, because he turned in midair like it was a breeze and looked towards Remus.

His eyes widened and he had the gall to laugh. Remus wanted to choke him. "What are you doing there, mate? That's not how you ride a broomstick!"

Remus' eyes narrowed and he felt his arm wobble, wanting to let go. "You ass," he said louder than he intended, "I'm hanging here. This is why I hate bloody broomsticks."

"Now, now, I'm coming," Sirius called, laughing, and started moving towards him.

That was when Remus' fingers decided it was a brilliant idea to let go of the broom.

Suspended in air a good fifty feet above the ground, Remus was none too pleased to see that he was now falling towards the ground. He yelled out in surprise, his eyes widening in fear. _This_ was why he stayed on the ground, damn it! The last thing he wanted was to die before he even graduated.

Sirius, realizing the danger of the situation, had the common decency to actually speed up his approach and catch Remus before he fell to his death. Remus' eyes narrowed as Sirius caught him in his arms and the broom tumbled to the side. Spinning around rapidly, Remus yelped out and clutched to Sirius tightly as they rolled diagonally towards the ground. Then Sirius slipped off his own broom and it went hurtling away.

Remus realized, vaguely, that they were still falling; only now he was clutched tightly against Sirius' chest. And while such a scenario wasn't too displeasing for the young wizard, the fact remained that they were still falling towards the ground.

With a large crash, the two boys collided with the ground. Thankfully, they weren't as high up as before and landed with moderate ease, though Remus suspected he tweaked his ankle when he hit the ground.

He hissed in pain once the dust settled and he realized vaguely that Sirius was lying on top of him.

"This is why I don't like brooms," Remus muttered darkly, giving Sirius the best glare he could muster.

Sirius lifted his head from the ground and gave Remus a large smile. Remus eyed the small sliver of blood above his eyebrow.

"You're bleeding," Remus said stupidly, feeling foolish.

Sirius looked—or at least tried to look—towards where Remus was looking. He lifted dirty, dusty fingers and touched his forehead and drawing away blood. He eyed the blood with an indifferent expression that made Remus suspect he'd done worse when fighting with Slytherines.

"You're not," Sirius said brightly. "So no complaining. Admit it. You were having fun."

"I most certainly was not," Remus said sharply, feeling his entire anger with this entire situation boil within him. "I could strangle you right now, Padfoot, if I wasn't so bloody attached to you as is."

"Aww," Sirius joked, giving his best pout. "So you won't kiss my forehead and make it better?"

"I will not," Remus said firmly, taking the older boy's suggestion in perfect seriousness. He stared at the tiny cut with disdain before shoving against Sirius' chest. "Now get off me."

"I do not take orders from anyone, Mr. Moony," Sirius said, a hint of pride laced in his voice.

Remus sighed in defeat, looking away and feeling his cheeks turn pink. Why wouldn't Sirius get off him?

"Fine," he sighed. "I accept Mr. Padfoot's stupidity as inevitability."

"That is all I ask," Sirius said happily, his slate blue eyes lighting up with his delighted smile. Remus sighed. There was no living with Sirius.

But at least Sirius didn't leave him hanging for too long.


	5. Dodging Hexes

**Dodging Hexes**  
_Theme #6: _Lady, Lady, Lady

---

It was a warm, bright sunny day. The kind that beckoned students like a moth to the flame. Remus, personally, preferred the library or the dormitories, where he could concentrate without the bothersome need to socialize with anyone other than Sirius, James, and Peter. The warm early summer air stirred a sense of urgency in him, but that may be because of the moon.

Today, however, as the time of their fifth year drew to a close, Remus couldn't help but feel grateful that his friends had dragged him outside to enjoy the sunshine. Provided there was shade accessible. He felt fairly comfortable without some little bit of shade. Despite the loud talking surrounding him from all angles, Remus felt a strange peaceful feeling overflow him.

Everywhere he turned he could see congregations of students as they celebrated their weekend and no classes. Naturally, the Marauders were enjoying a wonderful afternoon planning their newest mischief. At least, that was the plan.

Sirius was doing most of the talking. James seemed otherwise preoccupied, looking off in the opposite direction and ruffling his hair. Peter listened to every word Sirius said with growing enthusiasm and excitement. Remus listened politely.

"And then, somehow, there would be this endless supply of red spots…"

Remus sat leaning against the tree, reading the newest of his books, happy for an excuse not to enter into the conversation of the newest 'Let's Make Snape's Life a Living Nightmare' plans. He sighed dreamily and turned a page in his large tome peacefully, wishing he had the courage to interfere with the marauder's plans, but knowing that he wouldn't, despite his prefect status.

"I've even created an excellent alibi, just in case… you remember last time…"

Some short ways away, a group of girls were chatting with one another. Even from far away, Lily's long, red hair distinguished her amongst the crowd like a beacon in the furthest reaches of the ocean. James, naturally, was too preoccupied making himself presentable to give a bother about what Sirius was saying.

"Then, _bam,_ there would be an explosion of…"

Sirius either didn't mind James' lack of enthusiasm or didn't even notice, because he was quite content with just continuing to talk. Remus rolled his eyes behind the safety of his book, James made small little grunts while feigning interest, and Peter looked ready to hyperventilate from the excitement of Sirius' master planning.

Among the group of girls, there were a couple who were watching Sirius with such adoration and admiration in their eyes that it was any wonder that Sirius hadn't fallen over from an overly inflated ego. But Sirius rarely looked at the girls who fawned after him like he was an idol.

"And we'd disappear under James' cloak, of course…"

Really, Remus had to wonder where all that air came from. Probably from his head. Remus had to wonder how Hogwarts could harbor both of James' and Sirius' egos under one roof without imploding from the sheer amounts of hot air. But that was a bit of their charm, Remus reasoned, and also gave him a good reason to remain modest and tame.

Sirius seemed to be coming to an end of his plans, however, and Remus realized vaguely that he'd only been listening to half of what Sirius was saying. Sadly, he found his book on ancient runes far more interesting then how to turn Snape's hair a bright pink—no matter how amusing the proposal was—and knew that he'd suffer the brunt of Sirius' annoyance.

Sure enough, Sirius fixed Remus with one of his impossibly needy looks.

"Moony," Sirius whined and Remus realized, with some distaste, that the displeased teen had discovered he wasn't listening. "Answer my question."

He'd asked a question? Remus hadn't realized.

Remus looked at Sirius for a long moment, his honey colored eyes barely registering what was around him aside from his friend. Remus frowned thoughtfully then shrugged in an indistinguishable sort of way.

"Moony," Sirius said again, and then seemed to give up on Remus. He waved his hand in a dismissing manner, which prompted another eye roll from the werewolf. Sirius huffed, then nudged James. "Can you believe our dear friend Moony, Prongs?"

"Uh huh," James said, clearly not listening to a word his three friends said, so engrossed in the simplest way the wind blew Lily's hair to the side.

"I think it's a good idea, Padfoot," Peter piped up when neither James nor Remus rose to the occasion. Sirius beamed down at his smallest friend and clapped the boy on the back.

"Atta boy, Pete, knew I could count on you," Sirius declared happily then gave Remus and James both looks. "Unlike some people."

"Uh huh," James said, still not listening.

"I think you're overreacting, Padfoot," Remus admitted, finally looking away from Sirius and returning to his book, wishing he could drift back off into that peaceful land of fairytales and written word.

Padfoot, it seemed, would have no such thing for his dearest Moony. "This is where you come up with a brilliant way to execute such a plan, Moony."

"Uh huh," James agreed and for a brief moment Remus believed that James _was_ actually listening and was only messing with Sirius to get the boy's knickers in a bunch.

Remus sighed and shut his book. Obviously he would not be getting any more reading done that day. Setting the heavy, worn tome aside he folded his arms across his chest and looked back to Sirius, who, in turn, was watching him expectantly.

"Today's a nice day," Remus said evasively.

Sirius snorted. "Moony…"

Remus sighed and picked up his book again, wishing he could just go back to the library, where he could have happily spent his days, despite the warmth of sunlight caressing his cheeks. Far beyond him he could make out the glassy surface of the lake, and pondered the idea of dipping his large feet in it.

He crinkled his nose. "I don't think…"

"Ah, come on, Moony," Peter piped up, siding up to Sirius, as he was often prone to do whenever Sirius or James spoke. Remus brushed his light brown hair away from his eyes and sighed.

"Use a dung bomb," he said half-heartedly.

"That's been done so many times," Sirius protested, taking Remus' excuse to stop talking as seriousness. "Use that brain of yours, Moony."

"Use two dung bombs," Remus countered, if only to be disobedient.

"Ho ho, make way," James joked, finally prying his hazel eyes away from Lily in time to give Remus a cheeky grin. "Moony has been working over time in there."

To demonstrate where the 'in there' was, James leaned over and knocked on Remus' head much as if he were knocking on a door. Remus huffed and sat up a bit straighter, as if in his own small way actively rebelling against James. James just laughed and Sirius joined in with his own hearty chuckle.

"Well," James said, standing up and ruffling his already messy black hair. "I'm off to make her mine."

There was no question as to whom the boy referred. Sirius grinned cheekily and gave his friend a thumbs up, while Peter squeaked and clapped his hands together, and Remus offered his dear friend a tiny, hesitant smile of someone who didn't quite believe the words.

"Good luck, mate," Sirius said skeptically, eyeing the redhead on the other side of the expanse of grass they were sitting on. Lily glanced over in their direction when James stood up before huffing and looking away. "You're going to need it."

"That's the spirit!" James said, giving a dramatically scandalized look. "Thanks for the support, Padfoot."

"You're welcome," Sirius countered, for lack of anything wittier to say.

"There he goes," Remus said, watching James sway his way over to Lily and her group of friends. The girls giggled and turned to watch Lily as the said redhead gave James the coldest look she could muster. "You have to admire his persistence."

"Obsession's more like it," Sirius muttered, scratching the back of his neck. He shifted so he was sitting beside Remus and leaning against the tree. "I think that our friend James may be a masochist, Moony, Wormtail."

Peter sighed, for it truly was a loss. Sirius laughed at Peter's good timing and clapped him on the back again. Remus gave a small snigger before returning to his book. He glanced over at James while pretending to read, however.

Sure enough, once James started talking to Lily, the girl gave him some of her deadliest looks and spoke in what appeared to be clipped words, completely shooting the tall boy down. At one point she even reached for the wand inside her robes.

"You do have to admire him, though," Sirius said with a tiny sigh as he shifted, his shoulder bumping against Remus' own. Remus glanced up from a particularly interesting paragraph in his book and watched the interaction between girl and boy. "Being so true to her and her alone. How long's it been since he's chased that bird, you think?"

"Since second year, even before he knew what hormones were," Remus muttered.

Sirius laughed and flashed Remus a large smile. Remus returned it, his eyes lighting up in a way only Sirius knew.

"Oh, she's already on the hexes," Sirius commented as James ducked from a well directed spell from Lily's wand. James laughed loudly, and his voice carried back over to the tree where the remaining group awaited his return.

"Indeed," Remus agreed. He turned a page in his book idly. "Now let me read."

"Not until you tell me how to execute my plan," Sirius said stubbornly. "And say anything about dung bombs and you'll be visiting the squid."

Remus bumped his elbow against Sirius, content when he heard a small grunt from the larger boy's direction. He tried to ignore Sirius as best he could, but ignoring a boy like Black was like trying to ignore the last pumpkin tart on the plate. Sirius made a small noise that could have been a whine.

"Mooooony," he complained when the said boy refused to offer any information to help Sirius' brilliant plan.

"Set something on fire," Remus said sarcastically before giving Sirius a skeptical look. "Actually, you'd actually do that. So scratch that."

"Moony!"

"Sirius, if you're such a genius when it comes to pranks, I think that you'd have the ability to come up with your own plans," Remus said logically and saw Peter give a small jerk of his head in agreement. "Try using the space between your ears for a change."

"You wound me," Sirius said dramatically.

"Give it a rest," Remus muttered, though a smile quirked his lips. "You're giving me a headache."

"Fear not, for I shall soon die of heartache, cruel Remus," Sirius said melodramatically and flailed his arms about before flopping over. He feebly grasped Peter's robes and gasped out a quick, "Alas, Wormtail… Avenge me!"

"What's wrong with Sirius?"

Evidently James had returned—unsuccessful. He flopped down in the grass again and watched his best friend make a spectacle of himself. He shoved his foot into Sirius' side and suddenly the boy's crocodile tears ceased.

"Prongs!" he exclaimed, as if he weren't already aware that his best friend had returned. Remus rolled his eyes and turned away, trying to finish the chapter in his book. "Thank goodness you're back. Moony was killing me with his cruel and heartless stabbing words. Luckily I have great self-esteem, unlike my not-as-amazing cohorts."

"We can't all be as amazing as you, Sirius," Remus muttered sarcastically.

"See what I mean? Even his compliments are double-edged swords!" Sirius proclaimed loudly, rousing the attentions of surrounding students. The girls gave Sirius longing looks but the boy promptly ignored them, so intent on being melodramatic.

"Relax, my friend," James said valiantly, quickly falling into the role Sirius laid out for him. "For while dodging cleverly produced hexes from my lovely Lily, I realized the perfect way to execute your plan."

"Hurray!" Sirius said, looking almost boyishly innocent for a moment before Remus remembered why Sirius was celebrating in the first place.

"Yes, it came to me in a moment of pure, unrestrained genius," James said loudly as he grasped Sirius's shoulder with one hand while sweeping the other one out in front of him as if he were going to grab something invisible from the air. "And I must say, it is quite genius."

"Oh, Prongs, to think I doubted you!" Sirius said, equally as loud.

Remus felt his dimming sanity slip away and sadly shut his book. It was impossible to do anything productive (sans pranks) when with his best friends. Rolling his eyes heavenwards he turned towards his melodramatic friends with a frown.

"While I'm pleased to see a resolution to such a problem," Remus said dryly, "would you blokes mind shutting up? You're giving me a piercing headache."

"Alas, Prongs, my friend," Sirius said, while grinning cheekily at Remus, "I believe that we have a nonbeliever in our midst."

James gasped, as if he were really surprised. Remus wondered how he could possibly be friends with these people.

"If you two don't shut up, it won't only be Lily's hexes you'll be dodging," Remus muttered.

"I believe I heard a threat!" James said louder still.

"I believe you heard correctly," Sirius barked.

Remus rolled his eyes again. He saw where this is going.

"Shun the nonbeliever!" the two boys said loudly and did quite the opposite as they tackled Remus to the ground, his heavy book going flying. Remus yelped in surprise but had no time to grab his wand and defend himself.

There was no living with boys.


	6. Morning Walk

**Morning Walk**  
_Theme #4:_ Cold Body

---

It'd snowed the night before. Remus loved the winter, just because of the snow. He enjoyed walking through the pristine white and leaving his footprints in the snow. It was just something he'd always enjoyed doing, even as a little boy.

Remus had managed to convince Sirius to go on a walk with him. Typically, Sirius was more inclined to have a snowball fight after the first snowfall. After a snowball fight, Sirius was more disposed to annoy James as he tried to woo Lily with a snowwoman magically morphed to look like her. Having a peaceful walk along the castle grounds was not something Sirius would choose to do. But it was hard to argue against Remus when he had his mind set.

The clouds in the sky threatened to spill more snow later that afternoon, and that cheered Remus considerably. He rubbed his hands together and blew warm air into them, trying to bring feeling back to the cold limbs.

"You should have put some gloves on," Sirius scolded, but he, too, wasn't wearing any mittens.

"I suppose so," Remus agreed, frowning at his pink fingers. He glanced at Sirius and waved his hands in a dismissing manner. "I'm fine. Don't worry."

"I wasn't," Sirius defended, but they both knew he worried about Remus.

They walked in silence, but Remus felt it was a nice parallel to the peacefulness of the scenery around them. Remus enjoyed walks in winter. The entire world was untouched and a glittering white.

As they walked, Remus stepped a bit closer to Sirius. Their arms brushed each other occasionally, but neither made a move to separate again. Remus could feel the warmth of Sirius' body rolling off him in waves.

Their cheeks were pink from the cool winter wind. As they breathed, puffs of white filtered up towards the sky.

And as they walked, Remus reached out his hand and grasped Sirius'. His fingers wrapped around Sirius' and the said dark-haired boy smiled at the ground as he walked.

"Your hands are cold," Sirius muttered.

"Sorry," Remus apologized, but refused to remove his hand. Sirius made no move to do so, either.

Sirius paused in his step and Remus nearly tripped. With their hands still firmly interlocked, Sirius used his other hand to slowly unwind the Gryffindor scarf around his neck. The gold and red banded material looked quite inviting and warm.

Remus was about to speak before Sirius moved and wrapped the scarf around Remus' neck.

"You look cold as death," Sirius said, his cheeks turning pink from a combination of winter wind and his embarrassment.

The scarf was warm from being on Sirius's neck. Remus smiled shyly and looked at the ground. He squeezed his hand.

"Thank you," Remus whispered.

Sirius grunted and looked away sheepishly. He cleared his throat and started walking again, tugging Remus along and saying nothing more.

Remus smiled and snuggled into the warmth Sirius' scarf provided his chilled neck. Life was good.

They walked together in silence.


	7. Midnight Blessings

**Midnight Blessings**  
_Theme #26: Beautiful Dreamer_

---

There were many things that Remus envied in Sirius. There were many characteristics Remus wished he had while Sirius seemed to portray them without the slightest bit of effort. Sirius' boisterous ability to entertain, for one thing. Sirius' capability of winning the hearts of all his classmates. Sirius' sense of humor. Sirius' passion for life. These were just things that Remus wished he, too, possessed.

On this particular night, Remus wished he had Sirius' ability to fall asleep so completely and quickly. He sat in the silent dorm room, watching the snow fall outside the window and accumulate on the school grounds.

He sighed, listening to James' soft breathing on the other side of the room, and Peter's tiny snores across from him. To his left he could just make out the soft curve of Sirius' jaw line through the crack in his richly red curtains.

Remus envied the way Sirius could fall asleep before his head even hit the pillow. All four of the boys slept differently.

Peter had atrocious sleeping habits. It took him a bit to fall asleep, and when he did he would roll around from side to side, tangling up in his blankets and somehow managing to kick his pillow off of his bed. James fell asleep slowly, but always managed to do so about half an hour after going to bed. He somehow managed to sleep face down, with his face pressed firmly into the pillow. Remus was by far the worst out of the four boys. Even when Remus somehow managed to fall asleep, he would always be on alert, hearing the tiniest of sounds from the outside world. Remus never stayed asleep for long. He found that he didn't need sleep that much, and would spend his nights studying and reading. His friends were concerned with the bags under his eyes, but aside from the heavy black under his golden eyes, Remus never felt any side effects from his terrible sleeping habits.

But Sirius. Sirius was a completely different story. He fell asleep instantly, and when he did fall asleep, he never moved. He would lie on his stomach with his head turned to the side, his cheek resting daintily on his pillow. Sometimes he would snore, if it were hay fever season, but the majority of the time he would just breathe deeply. His back would move up and down serenely, and whenever Sirius forgot to close his curtains because he was too tired, Remus would watch the rising and falling of his back and find it soothed him tremendously. Seeing Sirius so peaceful somehow always managed to put Remus to sleep.

With a demure smile, which hardly suited Remus' facial features, Remus stood and strolled towards Sirius' bed. He would not be sleeping tonight, he knew, but did not find the general urge to study and read as he often did. No, his tomes would rest for tonight, and his studies would go untouched. It was like this most nights.

On the nights when Remus could not bring himself to study and read, nor could he find the proper way to dreamland, Remus would sit on Sirius' bed. At times, Remus would be overcome with embarrassment knowing he was watching his friend sleep in a not-so-platonic way. But Sirius comforted him, and in his times of need, that was truly the only thing Remus wanted.

He swallowed thickly and brushed aside the curtains as he had many nights before. Sirius didn't even stir, but Remus knew he wouldn't. Sirius never moved when he slept. On the other side of the room, Peter turned over and his pillow plopped to the floor but this was hardly a cause for concern. In his bed, James muttered something to his pillow, but that, too, was no cause for concern.

Remus sat down on the side of Sirius' mattress and watched the way his back moved up and down. How could this boy make him feel so peaceful?

There was always an advantage to falling asleep after everyone else. Remus allowed himself one rare, unguarded smile. He spent so many of his days on guard and evasive. But with Sirius, he felt as if he could be himself, if only in the dead of night.

He reached out a tentative hand and traced his fingertips over Sirius' back as he had many nights before this one. Light as a feather's touch, Remus moved his finger in elaborate designs, as if he were casting a spell without a wand.

At first, as always, the touches are no more than a physical, undeniable reminder that he was there and Sirius was there. The simple bridging of two worlds—a dark creature and his friend. It didn't take long for it to transform, however, as it always did. Eventually Remus'touches evolve into intricate tracings of spells for various blessings and protection.

It was highly advanced charm-work that Remus took great pride in. He knew he was a talented wizard, as his professors and friends never failed to tell him, but only Sirius was granted his silent charms.

His finger traced over Sirius' bare back and moved over designs etched into memory. He'd done these charms so many times before, it was second nature to him.

Tonight he traced charms for long life, strength, and happiness. Sirius desreved to live long, strong enough to protect himself. And happy. Even if Sirius never returned Remus' hidden thoughts, as long as Sirius was happy, Remus was happy. Sirius' happiness was Remus' happiness.

But that couldn't keep Remus from dreaming.

He felt the magic flow through his hands and he pulled his hand back, feeling frightened. He did not know how Sirius would react to knowing Remus did this in the dead of night. He never knew with Sirius. Sirius was as predicatable as a tropical storm.

Remus pressed his hand flat against Sirius' back and leaned over, feeling and listening to Sirius' soft breathing. His eyes softened and he pressed his lips against Sirius' temple.

"Sweet dreams," he murmured, as he did every night. He felt magic flow through his hand as he gave Sirius his final midnight blessing.

Sirius didn't shift in his sleep, but he seemed to relax under Remus' touch and the shadow of a smile dawned on Sirius' lips.

Remus felt his heart throb and the magic cease. He could never achieve something as wonderful as Sirius' love, but that didn't mean he couldn't imagine a world where it was possible.

His final blessings of long love completed, Remus pulled away and retreated silently to his bed. He would not sleep tonight. He never could.

His heart pounded and he dreamed of falling asleep beside Sirius.


	8. Listen

**Listen  
**_Theme #21: Creating common memories with me_

---

"Why must you always insist on reading?" Sirius asked as he leaned against the table in the common room, giving Remus a withered look for daring to read during his free time. "There's so much more you could be doing right now."

"Like what?" Remus asked smoothly as he turned a page of his book with his thumb. He continued reading, impervious to Sirius' antics. He was far too used to it by now.

"Like talking with me, the almighty Sirius Black," the before mentioned boy said valiantly.

Remus had the common courtesy to not burst out laughing. He merely gave Sirius an impossible look and a gentle shake of his head. He turned his attention back to reading.

Sirius looked properly scandalized by Remus' less than enthusiastic reaction to such a suggestion. He frowned thoughtfully at Remus and said, "What's so great about these books, anyway?"

"They're interesting and they don't talk back," Remus said softly before adding, "Well, most of them."

"That's not a good reason. I'm interesting!"

"Are you comparing yourself to a book, Padfoot?" Remus asked, looking legitimately amused.

Sirius huffed. "I'm more interesting than some stuffy old book, I daresay."

"Books take you to another world. They're exciting. They're unpredictable. They're interesting. They're a great deal of fun…" Remus trailed off as he turned another page. "And they're quiet. Now go away."

"But I've taken you to other worlds! Remember when I made you go diving into the lake and we said hello to the merpeople?" Sirius demanded.

"I still have the aches from trying to out swim them to prove it, yes," Remus said evenly.

"And I'm exciting. Not a day goes by that I'm keeping you on your toes," Sirius insisted.

"I suppose you can be exciting at times," Remus confessed and tried to appease Sirius in order to be left alone in peace and read his book. "I believe that, at this point, there's never a moment when I'm _not_ on my toes, thank you very much."

"_And,_" Sirius continued, as if Remus were not injecting his own commentary into Sirius' soliloquy, "I'm unpredictable!"

"About as unpredictable as a paper sack," Remus countered. At Sirius' appalled look, Remus elaborated, "It's always the same with you, Padfoot. You play a prank, you get caught, you go to detention, you woo some girls, you do some of your homework, you pass your tests without studying, you eat truckloads of food, you sleep until noon if given the chance, and you still manage to get enough energy to aggravate me when I'm trying to read."

Sirius furrowed his brows, not liking that he was considered humdrum. He puffed up like an angry rooster and gave Remus what could have been considered a puppy dog pout on anyone else. The inevitable usage of such a lame pun, however, prevented Remus from labeling the look as such.

"I'm a great deal of fun," Sirius insisted, if only to be stubborn and perhaps because he did need reassurance.

Remus smiled at him warmly and said, equally as tender, "Yes, Padfoot, you are a great joy to be around."

Sirius wasn't sure if Remus was being sarcastic or was genuinely meaning what he said, but accepted it in stride, opting to believe it was the latter.

"And before you even try, no, you are never quiet," Remus said quickly, "even in your sleep you still manage to mumble things."

"Now how would you know that?" Sirius questioned, waggling his eyebrows. "Have you been watching me sleep, dear Moony?"

"No," Remus said and blushed brightly, "You just talk really loud."

"Whatever you say, Remus," Sirius said in a sing-song tone, and Remus knew right away that Sirius was making fun of him. His blush intensified and he stuffed his nose into his book, refusing to look at Sirius.

"I don't need you making fun of me," he muttered darkly to the text.

"What are you reading, anyway?" Sirius questioned, recognizing that it was time to change the subject.

"Cats," Remus muttered.

"What? Cats!" Sirius laughed, and his laughter sounded like a barking dog. "Why would you read about a silly thing like that? You don't like cats!"

"Actually," Remus replied evenly, "I really do like cats. I love cats, in fact."

"What?" Sirius croaked. "Why?"

"They're rather majestic and graceful creatures, really. Some people believe they have ESP, which is why witches and wizards like having them as familiars and companions." Remus smiled as he relayed this information. He always loved teaching other people things. "They're affectionate, yet independent enough to take care of themselves. Plus, they're very pretty."

"I can't believe this, I thought you liked dogs," Sirius said.

Remus blinked. "When did I ever say that? I much prefer cats over dogs. Really now, Sirius."

Sirius looked distressed. "Geez, I wish I could be a cat. I could distract you from reading about them."

"That really makes no sense," Remus confessed and laughed, patting Sirius' hand with his own, scarred one. "No worries, Padfoot. I like dogs, too."

Sirius gave Remus a dry look and Remus laughed again.

"Really, though, the only thing that matters is that I like you," Remus said. "Whether you're a dog or a cat. In all actuality, I prefer human company." A dark look passed over his eyes for a quarter of a second before he'd resigned himself back to his default, benign smile. "It's the humans that don't typically enjoy _my_ company."

"Remus…" Sirius began.

"It's fine, Sirius, no worries," Remus repeated with a wave of his hand. He turned a page in his book—which, apparently, was about cats. "Now leave me be. I'm reading."

"I'll take you new worlds someday, Moony," Sirius said seriously.

Remus was only half listening. "I'm sure you will."

"And I'll make your life exciting and spontaneous," Sirius insisted.

"Mmhm," Remus hummed, not even pretending to listen anymore. He was used to ignoring Sirius, and, to a lesser extent, James and Peter.

"I'll make sure your life's never lonely or boring or unimpressive or deafening—unless strictly necessary—and I'll be there with you, as a human, enjoying your company," Sirius said seriously. Remus didn't respond. He grew agitated and proclaimed, loudly, "Listen to me!"

Remus, startled by the sudden change in tone, turned to Sirius in surprise, blinking his eyes and tilting his head to the side, trying to comprehend what had put such an anxious note in Sirius' voice. Sirius stared at him desperately.

Sirius shot out his hand and grasped Remus' book. He plucked it away before Remus could protest and tossed it unceremoniously over his shoulder. Remus looked about ready to get up and go after it, but Sirius grabbed his hands next.

"I'll prove to you I'm better than some stuffy old book."

"Oh?" Remus asked. "How so?"

"Because a stupid, boring old book can't do this," Sirius said confidently and leaned forward, kissing Remus soundly on the mouth.

Remus' eyes widened for half a second before they fell shut and he melted into the unexpected kiss. It was sloppy and unprofessional, but neither boy expected it to be earth shattering. In fact, neither boy really expected it at all. Sirius was equally as stunned as Remus was, but like hell he was going to let it show.

After a moment that was over far too soon, Sirius backed away, looking quite smug and pleased with himself. He questioned, rather confidently and rhetorically, "Now what kind of book can do _that_?"

Remus looked shocked for half a second before he whispered, a genuine smile crossing his lips, "See, Padfoot. You can be spontaneous. You just need to put forth a little effort."

"And don't you forget it," Sirius said, his grin turning a bit sheepish.

Remus sighed out slowly, collecting his thoughts and scratching at a small itch behind his ear.

"And I bet no bloody cat can do that either," Sirius persisted.

"No, and I'm not one hundred percent positive I'd want it to," Remus confessed. He grinned goofily at Sirius. Sirius mimicked the look.

"So…" Sirius said slowly, unsure where to go from here.

"So, if you could fetch me my book, Sirius dear," Remus said with laughter in his eyes, "I'd like to continue reading about my favorite animal."

Sirius' eyes flashed and Remus laughed again.

"Shut up and commere," Sirius muttered as he dragged Remus forward by his Gryffindor tie and kissed him again. Remus was happy to comply.


	9. Waiting for You

**Waiting for You**  
_Theme #19: Mirror_

---

James thought he was mad. Stark raving mad.

Well, James could think what he wanted. They'd had a particularly big fight during fifth year, just after _the_ prank, and by now Sirius was fairly certain that James accepted Sirius' non-platonic feelings for Remus. Sirius hadn't meant to tell James about it, really, but it happened to slip out during the summer after the prank—where Remus refused right out to have anything to do with Sirius and the said boy, naturally, was quite distressed.

Of course, now, in their seventh year, James thought he was crazy to still have a crush on Remus. Sirius thought this a bit hypocritical of his friend, who'd nursed an almost unhealthy infatuation with Lily since second year. James rebutted this argument by saying that he was actually going out with Lily now, after much flirting and effort, whereas Sirius was still at square one—the exact same square he'd been in since he first realized he liked Remus.

But, James could think what he wanted. Sirius, though slightly disappointed that nothing had happened with Remus so far, was content with having Remus by his side. During that impossibly long summer in which Sirius was unsure he'd ever speak to Remus again, he'd been beside himself with depression.

So their relationship wasn't the stereotypical budding romance. Sirius felt such things were petty and overrated. The expression of love was all in the gestures, in Sirius' humble opinion.

There would be moments when Remus and Sirius' eyes would meet and it was perfect. There would be moments when the two were in perfect alignment and agreement, as if they were the same entity. There would be moments when they would just fit.

Sirius was fairly confident in his feelings for Remus, but Sirius knew that Remus wasn't nearly as accepting of his own feelings as Sirius would have liked. Remus was apprehensive about all things social and didn't like to think about such things.

Remus was afraid of taking steps forward. Sirius knew this quite well. He'd tried in the past to warm Remus up to the idea, and while Remus wasn't unwilling, he most certainly wasn't jumping into Sirius' arm like a delirious, love-stricken female.

Sirius didn't mind waiting. Remus was flighty at times, and he didn't like to acknowledge things that were happening, but that was that. Sirius was fine with it, for he knew that eventually Remus would come around and things would be merry and perfect.

They'd dodged each other for seven long years. They'd danced around one another, never making true eye contact and never truly registering what was formulating between them. Perhaps James saw it but dismissed it. Perhaps Peter saw it but didn't understand it. Sirius saw it and he knew. He knew Remus saw it, too.

Remus never really did anything that might upset the other three boys. Sirius knew he feared rejection. Sirius knew that, deep down in his heart, Remus feared his friends would leave him if he ever did something wrong. Sirius tried to show him that he was loved and they would never leave him. Remus was always skeptical.

Sirius would wait for Remus to be ready. He would wait forever if he had to. First and foremost, they were friends. When Remus was ready to move onto the evidently tangible feelings hanging between them, Sirius would be ready.

He knew, better than anyone, that Remus was not the type to be cornered. He knew, better than anyone, that Remus hated to be pressured into things.

But Sirius also knew that Remus _would_ come.

The best part of the day for him was when the portrait hole opened and Remus emerged, carrying his books and, sometimes, with a quill tucked behind his ear. After a long afternoon in the library.

Sirius, sitting on the couch, would turn to him and feel his lips perk upwards in a warm smile, for seeing Remus in such an enduring posture was something that made him feel warm inside.

And Remus would grin back at him, mirroring his expression. And that was what made Sirius' day, for Remus so often smiled, but he rarely truly smiled. When he smiled like that, with dimples and the corners of his eyes crinkling, Sirius knew he was smiling just for him.


	10. Salvation

**Salvation  
**_Theme #30: Still in my lips_

---

Sirius never pretended to be a romantic type. He never pretended to be overly sensitive or loving. He would never be considered a nice person by many people's standards. Sirius had a habit of dishing out insults and cruelty at the drop of a hat—perhaps a deeper shadow of his Black blood—but those that he was loyal to, were never the recipients of his anger.

Perhaps the only person that could pull out even a shred of romanticism from Sirius was Remus. He had a quiet insecurity about him, overpowering the tiniest drop of sensuality coursing through his half blood.

Remus had a habit of making Sirius realize things that he couldn't see. He'd feel like he was drowning, being swallowed by an endless sea, and Remus would be the one to swim out to him and pull him back. He'd be lost, but Remus would always find him.

And it would be in those terrifying moments that Sirius would remember why he loved Remus so much. He would smile, and things would be fine.

The boy would quietly call out Sirius' name and it was what made Sirius' heart pound.

He'd heard people call him by name many times, but never like Remus did. He would chant Sirius' name like a mantra. It was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard from Remus' lips.

Quietly, but he can still hear it.

Remus makes it sound beautiful. Sirius' name has never sounded like that before. It always sounded like a cuss word coming from his mother and father. It always sounded like a poison from his enemies. It sounded like a heartbreaker from hopeful girls. It sounded like a prank from James. It always sounded like admiration from Peter.

But only Remus could make it sound romantic. Only Remus could make it sound beautiful.

Only Remus could make it sound like salvation.


	11. The Best Man

**The Best Man**  
_Theme #8: _Say it LOUD!

---

Remus couldn't deny that Lily looked beautiful. She was finally married to James, and the said man looked beside himself with happiness. Remus was happy for them. They'd looked stunning at the wedding.

He moodily swirled the contents of his drink, wishing that he could be part of that happiness. The last week hadn't been his best. It was Sirius' fault, but it was also, mostly, his own fault.

He'd avoided Sirius' eye the entire wedding. He hadn't wanted to have to have uncomfortable conversations with the best man. Remus supposed he was a coward in that sense, but he feared what he would say if left alone with Sirius.

They'd been together for a couple months. Those that mattered knew—James, Lily, and Peter. But Remus was having his doubts.

He took a sip of his drink sadly.

Remus was at fault. Sirius couldn't be blamed. But Remus could certainly feel that it was Sirius' fault. In the end, it was for the better. Remus was too dangerous for Sirius.

So lost in his thoughts and faulty justifications, Remus didn't realize that Sirius was standing next to him until it was too late for the flighty werewolf to run away.

"Remus," Sirius began but the werewolf quickly turned away, looking at the buffet table for a suitable excuse not to speak with Sirius.

He walked briskly and grabbed a piece of cake before stuffing it into his mouth and chewing slowly. That way he wouldn't have to talk to Sirius.

"Remus," Sirius said again, following after the werewolf. He scowled angrily and pursed his lips. "God damn it, listen to me."

Remus stuffed another piece of food into his mouth and continued chewing. He refused to meet Sirius' gaze.

"You've been avoiding me," Sirius hissed. Well, no sense in calling Sirius dull. But, then again, anyone with eyes would be able to tell he'd been avoiding Sirius all night. James had been giving him strange looks throughout the course of the night, too.

"I have not," Remus said, trying his hardest not to sound weak. He reached for another piece of food but Sirius moved his body to block Remus' way towards the buffet. Sirius glared at him. Remus dared not meet Sirius' eyes as he gazed dully into his glass of champagne.

"You have," Sirius said angrily, and because Remus was looking at his drink, the werewolf missed Sirius' hurt expression.

"Don't you have a speech to make?" Remus asked evasively. "You are the best man."

"God damn it, Remus, stop avoiding me," Sirius said, the tiniest bit of pleading in his voice.

Remus sighed. "Sirius…"

"I meant what I said," Sirius said darkly. "You may not believe me, but I know what I feel and I know what I want. I love you, Remus."

Remus stared moodily down at his drink. "You should go say your speech soon, Sirius."

"You always do this!" Sirius said and was nearly tempted to stomp his foot in frustration. "You always avoid confronting this kind of stuff! I'm not lying, Remus. I don't understand why you're doing this."

"It doesn't matter," Remus told his drink and looked for a possible escape route. It seemed as if Sirius was everywhere, suffocating him.

Remus felt alone in the world. He was cursed to be alone. He had to spare Sirius.

"I'm in love with you, Remus," Sirius hissed. "I don't care who hears me. I love you, you bloody git."

Remus blushed and looked rather put-out by Sirius' confession. He hoped no one had heard. He didn't want to deal with this. Not now.

"I can't, Sirius," Remus said regretfully.

"Why the hell not?" Sirius said quietly, and Remus didn't miss the hurt in his voice. Remus clenched his eyes shut.

"Please don't do this," Remus begged. He wished this was easier. Sirius stepped forward and grabbed him.

Sirius was hugging him hard and Remus could do nothing to push him away. The black-haired man's hold on him tightened and his lips breezed over Remus' ear.

"Why not?" Sirius asked and Remus clenched his eyes shut again.

He returned the hug sheepishly, his hands pressing against Sirius' back. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, you just have to stay with me," Sirius said, his breath grazing over Remus' cheek and neck. This was so hard. He just… he just couldn't.

"I can't," Remus said weakly, feeling his resolve disappearing every time Sirius spoke. He had to get away from him. Why did Sirius have to be so stubborn?

"I love you, Remus," Sirius said loudly. Far louder than Remus much cared for.

He heard a noise off to their left and Remus realized that the entire party had stopped and people were looking at him. Remus' cheeks turned a bright pink and he swallowed thickly, feeling foolish and exposed under the inquiring eyes.

Sirius, always a glutton for attention, merely glanced their way before his eyes narrowed. Typically, Sirius would be happy for the attention, but right now he had other things on his mind and didn't bother caring about having an audience.

"Do you mind?" he snapped and some people had the decency to look away. He wasn't letting his love for attention interfere with this right now. He turned back to Remus. "Come with me."

Before Remus could stop him, Sirius was dragging him out the door. Remus protested the entire way, trying to tug away from Sirius and return to the party, but the dark-haired man proved to be the stronger of the two and simply ignored Remus' protests.

"Sirius, please, stop," Remus begged, trying to pull his wrist from Sirius' grip. Sirius wouldn't budge. "Sirius, please. Stop this. It's over."

"It's not over," he said fiercely.

They navigated easily through James' house. They'd spent so many holidays at Hogwarts here it was like a second home to both of them. Sirius looked, for lack of a better word, far more serious than Remus had seen him in a while, and the werewolf knew that he would have a tough time arguing against him now.

They found their way to the old guest room Sirius would sleep in during holidays and tossed Remus unceremoniously into the room. He turned around and locked the door with his wand before advancing on Remus.

"Sirius, please," Remus tried again. "We can't do this."

"I won't leave until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you," Sirius barked angrily.

"We just can't," Remus said vaguely.

"Do you not care that I love you?" Sirius asked as he took a step towards Sirius. "Was this just a joke to you, Remus?

"It wasn't a joke to me," Remus admitted, shamed that he'd caused this much trouble and pain for Sirius. That hadn't been his intention at all. "You mean so much to me, Sirius… I just…"

"Just what?" Sirius asked, knowing he was on the brink of something important. "Why can't you accept this, Remus?"

Remus didn't speak for a long moment. Sirius took a step towards the shorter man.

"Moony?"

That name. Why did Sirius have to use that name? It reminded Remus of a happier time, back when things were so much easier and he didn't have to worry about the future and where he would go in the world. Hogwarts had been his sanctuary, and he longed to go back to those times.

He pushed against Sirius' chest fruitlessly and ducked his head, wishing that he were strong enough to push Sirius away forever.

Sirius lifted his hands and grasped the two hands on his chest. He took another step towards Remus and looked down at him, frowning thoughtfully. Remus refused to lift his head. Remus could feel Sirius' heart beating under his right hand. It pulsed in time with his.

"I just… I just can't," Remus whispered. "I'm too… I'm too…"

"Remus," Sirius breathed and lifted his hand to tilt Remus' face upwards. Remus let him, but couldn't make himself meet Sirius' slate blue eyes. Those eyes were just so trusting, so beautiful.

Remus realized Sirius was kissing him and became terrified. He tried his best to push against Sirius, but the stronger man refused to relent and Remus ended up simply grasping the lapel of Sirius' tuxedo.

Sirius broke away for air and Remus felt as if his heart would burst.

"I'm a werewolf," Remus whispered feebly.

"I know that, and I don't care."

"I'm too dangerous," Remus admitted quietly. "I'm too dangerous for you; I'm a werewolf and there will be prejudice and hatred everywhere I go. I can't let you be part of that, Sirius. I just can't. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

Remus knew he was close to rambling but Sirius silenced him with a hand touching his cheek.

"Too dangerous, Moony? Too dangerous for me?" Sirius asked, and it looked as if the man were about to smile. He shook his head and looked at the werewolf gravely. "When has anything been too dangerous for me? When have _you_ been too dangerous for me? You are what keeps me sane. You are _safe_ to me, Remus."

"Sirius," Remus breathed. He felt himself moving as Sirius pushed him against the wall of the guest bedroom. Sirius kissed him again, fiercely. Remus let him, delving into everything that was Sirius.

"Wherever you are, Moony," Sirius whispered against his lips, his eyes half-hooded and smoldering. "I will be there, too. I don't give a shit about anything as long as you're by my side. I love you, you stupid, bloody wanker."

Remus felt his bottom lip wobble but refused to cry. He grasped Sirius' lapel and ducked his head, pressing his forehead against Sirius' shoulder. Nothing was going as planned. He was supposed to protect Sirius. But Sirius wouldn't let him.

"Is this why you've been avoiding me? Is this why you don't want to believe what I say?" Sirius asked gently, and the soft tone in his voice was a welcomed opposite to his earlier, harsh speech.

Remus knew it sounded stupid coming from Sirius' mouth, and he nodded bashfully without removing his head from Sirius' shoulder. He wanted to stay there forever, and never leave. If he stayed here, then no one would be able to hurt him or Sirius.

"Can't I choose what is and what isn't too dangerous for me?" Sirius asked quietly.

"I…" Remus was wavering. He knew it. Sirius knew it.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and held the werewolf close. Remus shifted his arms to wrap around Sirius' shoulders, feeling at peace. He didn't like this current situation, but he supposed that Sirius would never let him out of his sight from now on.

He might as well deal with it.

There was a knock at the door. Both men started and looked guiltily towards the door.

"Hey, guys, are you in here? Remus? Sirius?" James called from the other side of the door. Sirius disentangled himself from Remus and trudged towards the door. He unlocked it and opened it, looking squarely at James. James laughed lightly. "Ah, so you are."

"Sorry, mate, we didn't mean to start a commotion," Sirius said sheepishly.

James snorted and shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me. I found it funny. Lily's a bit worried, though."

"We're sorry," Remus said, walking over to the doorway, too. He stood awkwardly next to Sirius, unsure what was happening now.

"Just be down soon, Sirius still needs to make his speech," James said with a wave of his hand. He retreated to return to his wife's side. Sirius and Remus watched him go.

Remus cleared his throat awkwardly. "I guess we should go…"

"I guess so," Sirius said and grabbed Remus' wrist. "I want you to know, Moony, that I don't give a shit about anything you think I do. I don't care if you're a werewolf. I don't care if you're gay—for obvious reasons. And I certainly don't care if you think you're dangerous."

Remus smiled softly, feeling his heart thump. He'd been worrying for nothing. And, in hindsight, he realized he was being foolish for thinking for a second that Sirius would accept his sacrifice. No, Sirius always enjoyed an adventure, and he supposed that Sirius also enjoyed the level of danger that went hand and hand with their relationship.

Sirius returned his smile and brushed Remus' hair from his eyes, revealing the shining orbs. They stood there, smiling lightly at one another.

"Let's go, then," Sirius finally said. The said man turned to leave.

Remus licked his dry lips before grabbing Sirius' wrist. Sirius paused and turned around, giving the werewolf a questioning gaze.

"Sirius," Remus paused, collecting his thoughts. "I love you."

The man regarded him for a long moment in silence before his face split into a beaming smile. "I know you do," he whispered. "I know you love me."

Remus nodded his head. "Good."

The rest of the evening, both men were inseparable and grinning like fools.


	12. It's Beginning to Get to Me

**It's Beginning to Get to Me  
**_Theme #3: No Promises_

---

There was something about Defense Against the Dark Arts that Sirius loathed. It wasn't that he didn't think learning how to fight against dark arts, especially during this bloody war, was a bad idea. It was just that he felt they could be moving a bit faster than they already were, and perhaps learning some entertaining spells to fight with, instead of the usual tripe that he'd been forced to learn since first year.

Remus, however, wasn't quite in as much agreement with the evils as Sirius would have liked. In fact, he felt that their professor was moving at a splendid pace, but Remus usually opted to stay on the professor's side rather than Sirius'.

Today they were working on spells without speaking. Sirius, naturally, felt that this was something they should have learned years ago, not just now in their sixth year. Remus countered his opinion by saying that it was better to master the spells first before trying to perform them without an incantation.

All around them Sirius could hear students muttering when they couldn't successfully summon a spell without speaking. Peter was among them, and looked quite frustrated by it all. Remus looked bemused and patiently waited for Peter to launch an attack at him. Whenever Peter muttered it, he was able to block the spell easily. Remus was having some trouble summoning, too, Sirius soon discovered, which is possibly why Remus felt learning such a thing now in sixth year was more beneficial than, say, fourth year.

James clucked his tongue. "If you'd kindly hurry it up, Padfoot."

Sirius was quick to whip his head around and give James a dirty look before trying to think of a suitable—yet perfectly _harmless_—spell he could cast on his best friend. James stood before him, the epitome of relaxation and egotism. He smirked at Sirius jauntily while still managing to keep an eye on Lily in the far corner of the classroom.

"Give me a moment," Sirius insisted.

A cry flew from beside them and Peter ducked away as Remus shot out a crooked and completely misspoken spell. Both the boys weren't ready to learn such spells, and Sirius frowned at them, wishing that the could be just a bit more competent at spell launching.

Remus rushed towards his shorter friend. "Are you hurt, Wormtail?"

"He's fine," James insisted with a wave of his hand. "At least you guys are getting some practice in. The slowpoke is making me die of old age over here."

"Hey!" Sirius snapped, turning his attention away from his two friends so that he could send James a self righteous glare. "Shut up. I'm just trying to remember the spell that will turn you into a quiet, vapid _woman_."

"Like you?" James shot back.

Sirius fumed and happily flipped his middle finger to James. The professor, unfortunately, saw this display and deducted points. Sirius still managed to slip the finger salute when the old bat wasn't looking, just because James still looked too smug.

"Commere, Wormtail," James said airily. "I'll help you. It will be more fun than waiting for Padfoot to actually do something."

He stalked over to the shorter of the four boys and dragged him away, so that he was closer to Lily. The said redhead pointedly ignored him, but that never deterred James in his Quest for Lily's Affection.

Sirius and Remus watched him go before the latter sighed and scratched his cheek. "Um, I guess we're partners now?"

"Seems so," Sirius said evenly and shook his head. "No problem. Let's practice."

"Right," Remus said with a nod of his head and took a couple steps back, nearly tripping over his far-too-large, second-hand robes in the process. Sirius watched him with a critical eye, ready to swoop in and stop the boy from falling on his butt and making a fool of himself.

They practiced for a bit, each one alternating between shooting off the spell and blocking the spell. Sirius could see why Peter was having some problems. Remus was brilliant when it came to reading and studying. When it came to the execution of a spell, however, Remus was average at best. He wasn't a visual learner, it appeared.

"No, no, you're doing it all wrong," Sirius groused. "You're supposed to wave your arm like this." He demonstrated by waving his wandless hand, so as not to accidentally send the hex shooting towards defenseless Remus. "Don't be so jerky when you're waving your wand around."

"All…" the boy began.

"And why in the hell are you sleeping with birds? You're gay," Sirius said suddenly.

"…Right," Remus finished and then stared at Sirius in shock as the words settled in his brain. He blinked his stupid amber eyes at Sirius, not comprehending for a second. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"You heard what I said," Sirius returned, crossing his arms.

"I'm not gay," Remus said, looking curious. "Who said I was?"

Sirius grunted and took a step closer to Remus, so that no eavesdroppers would hear what he had to say. "You did," he said confidently, "You said that you like boys."

"I don't remember ever saying such a thing," Remus said, his eyebrows furrowing without looking angry. He only looked curious. "And who told you I was sleeping with girls, anyway?"

Ignoring the obvious logic in this statement, Sirius continued, "Lily told me."

Remus gave him a curious look. "Now, why would Lily say such a thing? We don't know each other."

"You're prefects together," Sirius corrected.

"Yes, but she really isn't the one to be savvy about my sexual life, no matter how nonexistent said life may be."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. No one would care if you're gay. The four of us have been friends since first year, and at this point there's not much that would surprise us. Besides, a lot of people probably already think you're gay because of your mannerisms."

Remus pursed his lips. He looked down at the textbook lying open on the classroom table, reading the incantation again and studying the diagrams displaying the proper way to twitch the wand when firing the particular hex.

"I'm not gay," Remus said again, "I like girls. I've even kissed them a couple times. Not nearly as much as you, granted, but enough. I'm not gay, and I've never slept with anyone, either. I don't know where you get these silly ideas in your head, Padfoot."

Sirius huffed and plucked the book away from Remus, reading over the instructions there even though he didn't have to. He'd been doing this spell since second year. That was just how brilliant he was, though if he were to say that out loud Remus would laugh at him.

"Whatever, so Lily's wrong about the sleeping with girls thing," Sirius muttered and wondered why he'd believed her in the first place. It's not like Remus would tell Lily, or anyone, such a thing in the first place. Also, Lily may have been joking at the time. He never could tell with her. "But don't you dare stand there and pretend you're not gay. We've known each other for too long for you to fool me. Besides, you told me yourself that you like boys. Just last week."

"Give me that book back, Padfoot," Remus said evenly and took the book gently from Sirius' grip. "I want to get this spell right, and it's taking too long for me to do so. And, before you ask, I'm not stalling. I just want to complete this assignment and not have to do it later." He cradled the book in the crook of his elbow whilst reading over the words on the page. He flipped some of his graying hair from his eyes and his fingertips brushed over a small scar above his left eye. He was quiet for a moment before saying lightly, "I never said that I liked blokes, I said that I like _you_."

Sirius snorted, the weight of this statement completely passing over his head. "Okay, and what am I exactly?"

Remus rolled his eyes and set the book down. He flipped his wand experimentally, shook his head, and looked down at the diagrams.

"So, obviously I'm a bloke," Sirius continued with his logic, determined to make Remus realize that he was being ridiculous, "and if you like me…"

Sirius trailed off and his mouth flopped open. Remus glanced at him curiously when he trailed off. The prefect looked like he was torn between saying something sarcastic and bursting out laughing. He shrugged one shoulder and straightened up, jutting one hip out and giving Sirius a questioning look.

"Holy crap, you like me," Sirius said at last.

Remus looked surprised for a half a second before he shook his head. "You're getting this _now?_ My goodness, Sirius, getting hit by all those hexes and curses must have given you brain damage. It's taken you this long to finally figure it out?"

Sirius didn't answer him, thinking over this new fact. He furrowed his brow and crossed his arms, looking like brain damage was a very real possibility. He hadn't even registered what Remus meant when he'd told him. He'd just shrugged it off and that had been that. There was nothing to it and it was just the same as always. He, in his infinite amounts of wisdom, never once thought that, maybe, Remus meant a _non_-platonic liking.

Remus gave him a benign smile, and Sirius wasn't sure if the look he saw in his eyes was amusement or fear. It was a strange juxtaposition, but he wouldn't put it past Remus to display both emotions at the same time.

"You're going to have to give me some time to think about this," Sirius said at last when Remus looked like he was about to protest Sirius' untimely silence.

"You don't have to think about it, Padfoot," Remus said kindly, shrugging his shoulders. The smile on his face slipped away and only left a strange, empty shadow on his lips. He hated it when Remus did that. "And you don't have to do anything, either. I didn't tell you because I expected you to do anything about it. Though I am surprised we're talking about this _now_ instead of when I told you."

There were a dozen thoughts running through Sirius' head. This was most atypical of him. Normally, and had his thoughts not been a jumbled mess of _stuff_, he would debate over whether or not he should be thinking. Sirius Black was not a thinker. He thrived on impulse and spontaneous behavior. Sitting around and _thinking_ was something Remus did.

"I feel like I should," Sirius admitted. "You know, conclusiveness and all that."

Remus smiled that same, empty smile. "No promises, hm?"

Sirius looked at his feet, as if they would give him a stroke of inspiration on how to respond to such a statement. Seeing as how his footwear was not inclined to present to him all the secrets of life, Sirius simply shook his head.

"Just need to think," he said.

There was an awkward silence. The world continued on around them, enjoying their lessons or threatening one another—as the case was with James, who seemed to be turning a strange shade of orange. So Peter had finally gotten the hand of silent spells.

Remus flipped his wand and sparks flew from the tip. The sheer amount of joy on his face was enough for Sirius to forget about the incredibly awkward discussion from before. Almost. He couldn't shake it from his mind.

"You know," Sirius said casually, leaning on the desk and waggling his eyebrows towards where Peter was standing. "I bet we could get him to hang upside down. You know, the bit that James likes to use on Slytherins."

Remus raised his eyebrows, looking quite intrigued by such a statement. "Really, Padfoot, how completely devilish of you."

"Hm," Sirius said and grinned wickedly. He flipped his wand and recited the incantation in his head.

Peter's squeals alerted that Sirius' plan had succeeded, and seeing Peter hanging upside down with his robes around his head was enough to make anyone's day.

Remus only seemed faintly amused, and Sirius wondered if his 'thinking' would harm their relationship. Maybe, if he'd gone on in blissful ignorance of Remus' confession, things would stay fine.

The professor didn't find Sirius' antics at all amusing and assigned him a detention. Remus merely shook his head and Sirius wished that the werewolf would smile for him. Just once.

"You know, Moony," Sirius said casually as the bell rang and students began packing up. He watched Remus stuff his text book into his bag and give Sirius a curious look. "Life kind of sucks."

Remus raised his eyebrows and shrugged one shoulder. "Yeah."

Sirius was slightly surprised by such a statement. "Funny, I always thought you'd be… more optimistic about such things. Aren't you always preaching about the good of all men?"

Remus was still smiling that stupid, bitter smile. It didn't settle well in Sirius' stomach. "I suppose you would think that."

Sirius had no idea what that was supposed to mean, and didn't care to find out.

---

It'd been subtle, because everything Remus did was subtle. At first, Sirius tried to pretend that it was all in his head, but Remus was undoubtedly avoiding him. He didn't like it. He'd been fine when he first told him.

James walked ahead with Peter, and Remus was walking slightly behind Sirius. The said boy frowned thoughtfully and was only half-listening to what James was saying.

"So," James said, loud enough for Sirius to hear but quiet enough for him not to care. "Tonight is the night Lily does her tutoring session. It is time for me to unleash my prowess once again."

Sirius rolled his eyes and glanced over his shoulder, giving Remus a smile that clearly demonstrated his thoughts on how loony James was. Remus returned a tentative smile, but it was dry and empty. Sirius was quick to turn around.

"Sirius, you shall be my wing man!" James announced.

"I was your wing man last time," Sirius moaned and shook his head. "Take Peter this time. No one will bother you if Peter's with you. Last time I helped you with Lily I was bombarded by her friends."

"True," James said with a scrunched up brow. "Fine then. Peter! You shall be my wing man tonight!"

They reached the Fat Lady and after saying the password—"Pig's Spleen"—they entered the common room, where the tutoring session was already underway. Lily was in the far corner, standing in front of a group of fifth years and giving out tips for the incoming O.W.L.S.

James and Peter were already making their way over, wading through some stray students to get to Lily. Sirius watched him go before turning on his heel and heading for the dorms. He always hated tutor night. Girls were always coming up to him and asking him for advice, and while he was a glutton for attention and knew plenty about magical know-how, he hated tutoring.

He set off to reach the dorms' staircase. He took two steps before shooting his arm back and grasping the hood of Remus' hood. The boy choked behind him as Sirius tugged.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sirius asked.

"I was going over there to study," Remus said lightly, pointing his finger in some random direction. He massaged his neck and gave Sirius an indescribable look. "Is that a crime?"

"What are you talking about? You always spend tutor night with me," Sirius said, and fought hard to keep the hurt from his voice. Remus sighed.

"Not when you're James' wing man," Remus pointed out.

Sirius' frown deepened. "But even then you usually hang around with me. Like the third wing man or something."

"Maybe I didn't feel like it this time," Remus said hypothetically and shrugged his shoulders. He'd been shrugging a lot lately, and Sirius didn't like it.

"That's bullshit and you know it," Sirius accused. "You just don't want to spend time with me."

Remus gave him a hurt look and Sirius knew right away that he'd been right. Remus was subtle, but Sirius knew all of Remus' subtle little tricks. He hadn't spent six years around the guy for nothing.

The werewolf, however, tried his best to cover up this fact with a simple, "I don't remember it always being that way, Sirius. I'm sure there are times when I studied down here during tutor night and you were upstairs, or with a bird, or off somewhere else."

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "No, it's always been this way. We decided we'd always do hang out together on tutor night while James was making a fool out of himself."

"I don't remember promising that," Remus said and looked away, a dark look in his eyes.

Sirius crossed his arms and glared at a first year when he came too close to them. The small child made a small peeping sound and ran away quickly in the opposite direction. All of Gryffindor house knew of Sirius' temper. "Why are you avoiding me, Moony?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus said evasively.

"You're avoiding me," Sirius said confidently, though he wished he were lying. He gave Remus a desperate look, wishing Remus would stop trying to avoid it. "Why?"

Instead of answering, Remus seemed to go off on a tangent, "You know, when I first told you that I liked you, you only said, 'okay.' And it was fine. Everything was the same and there was a big weight off my chest because you knew my secret and you didn't care. But then you finally realized what I said to you during class and you've been all nervous around me ever since."

"I'm just thinking about what you said," Sirius protested.

"And I told you, Sirius, you don't have to," Remus said evenly. His eyebrows twitched like he wanted to scowl but was avoiding the facial expression. "I don't expect you to promise me anything, and I don't expect you to do anything about my fancying you. I just felt that you should know."

"Why did you tell me if you didn't think I'd do anything about it?" Sirius demanded.

Remus shrugged. The conversation was getting too intense for him and he wished he could slowly sink into the ground. "It doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know. I'm going to the library."

"No you're not," Sirius hissed and grabbed Remus' hand. He dragged him up the stairs to the dormitory easily, despite Remus' protests. "We're talking about this, and you're not getting the hell away from me. I guarantee you that."

Remus frowned at Sirius' back and let the boy drag him forward, wishing that he were in the library or James' wing man instead of Peter. Hopefully James wouldn't be successful tonight and come join the two boys before they could do anything drastic alone. Sirius looked angry.

"So what's with you?" Sirius demanded once he'd slammed and locked the door.

"Like I said," Remus said, tight-lipped and realizing he couldn't get out of this situation without hexing Sirius, "I told you and you didn't care. You just kept walking to class and it was cool between us. Then you found out what I meant and you got all weird. You freaked out."

"I did not _freak out_," Sirius accused. "I hung Peter upside down by his ankle and I got a detention. This is standard of me and you. Only, you did not talk the professor out of said detention for me."

Remus looked away and crossed his arms. "You know what I mean."

"Besides," Sirius continued, as if he hadn't heard Remus, "Any person would be a bit freaked in that situation, Remus. It's not every day that one of your best mate's admits that he likes you."

"You were fine before."

"I just don't know what to do, okay? And it doesn't help that I have no fucking clue what's going on inside your head. You've hardly looked at me, and it's been weeks, Moony. What do you want me to do?"

"I _told_ you," Remus stressed, "I don't want you to do _anything_. I don't expect you to do anything. I know you won't do anything."

"Then why did you tell me?"

"I didn't want secrets," Remus said miserably. "I felt that we knew each other well enough to share these things. You already know my deepest secret, what does one more, littler one make a difference?"

"I'm still thinking," Sirius confessed.

"Well, don't," Remus said with a shrug. "I told you because I told you."

"Maybe you shouldn't have told me," Sirius accused.

Remus smiled sadly, and it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Goodnight, Sirius," he said miserably.

"It's too early and you're still dressed," Sirius said with a frown.

Remus moved towards his curtains and brushed aside the curtains. He didn't say anything right away. Instead, he took in a deep breath and gave Sirius an indescribable look. He didn't have to say anything for Sirius to know what Remus was saying to him.

"Moony…"

"Goodnight, Sirius," Remus said sadly and climbed into his bed. Sirius stared at him, his lips thin and his eyes dulled.

He took a step forward and tugged the curtains aside. Remus sat, his legs to his chest, staring at the foot of his bed. He didn't turn to look at Sirius, and both boys suspected this would happen. Sirius climbed onto the bed in front of Remus and mimicked his movements. They didn't meet each other's eyes for the longest time.

"I'm still thinking," Sirius whispered, "But I think I know what my answer will be."

"Oh," Remus said passively, revealing nothing in his eyes.

Sirius nodded gravely.

No more words passed between them for another long interval. But this silence was somehow lighter, and not as ominous.

"I will never hate you, Moony," Sirius whispered, the shadow of a hesitant smile on his lips. "I promise."


	13. Truth in her Words

**Truth in her Words  
**_Theme #1:_ Bull's Eye

---

Remus didn't like to think of himself as a snoop, or in any way nosy. In fact, Remus liked to think of himself as unbiased to all happenings in Hogwarts, except for perhaps studies and whether one particular professor was sick. Remus liked to think himself indifferent to the bevies that gossiped hypocritically in the school's hallways. Remus liked to think that he couldn't care less about who was dating who, what James and Sirius had done yesterday, who had the cutest new hairstyle, and the senseless dribble that trickled through the hallways like a deadly vapor.

But, then, of course, that didn't explain why Remus was standing, back pressed against the wall and watching Sirius and his latest girlfriend, Celestine Puddlemere. If Remus were truly impartial to the entire gossip system at Hogwarts, he would not be in hiding while watching Sirius and Celestine and wondering what they were talking about.

In all fairness, Remus hadn't been outside Hogwarts in the hopes of hearing some juicy details between Sirius and his Ravenclaw girlfriend. In fact, he'd come from the library and had merely stepped outside for a breath of air. He'd been stuck in the library studying ever since the last class of the day let out.

It was a lovely Friday afternoon and he knew James was down at the pitch practicing for the game against Hufflepuff tomorrow, and Peter was probably in the stands cheering him on. He wouldn't see the two until dinner. Remus assumed Sirius would be down there, too, but instead he was sitting on the steps with Celestine, and Remus was tucked away, trying his hardest not to watch. He couldn't tell what the two were talking about, and in all honesty he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear their gushy love confessions, anyway. But he couldn't stop himself from watching.

"Bloody hell," he muttered and hoped the two hadn't heard him. They remained painfully oblivious, and Remus assumed there were more pressing matters to attend to then to think that they were being spied on by a rather befuddled prefect.

Remus didn't hate Sirius' girlfriend, but he was certainly disinterested in her. She was a lovely girl from Ravenclaw, with dark, billowing black hair similar to Sirius' own and had large, clear eyes. She was intelligent and witty. Celestine seemed like the perfect girl for Sirius, as the rumor mill liked to state (though Remus refrained from listening to any and all rumors about them.)

Perhaps that was the reason why Remus seemed impartial to her. Despite all his reasoning and all his deductions, he couldn't get his silly little crush on Sirius to leave. It was aggravating in that he couldn't shake the silly feelings of twisting stomach and skydiving hearts whenever he was left alone with Sirius. It was a silly little crush. That's all it was. And it was bloody infuriating because Remus was supposed to be the calm and rational one and, instead, he felt like a little schoolgirl whenever Sirius even looked at him.

Knowing his luck, in any moment Celestine and Sirius would begin snogging and Remus would die on the spot.

They were both wearing casual clothes and Remus felt overdressed. He'd been in the library since his last class, and hadn't been to the tower since after breakfast. He felt silly standing there, watching Sirius. And her.

Celestine was a nice girl and Remus knew that his anger was wasted on her. She didn't deserve his rage, for it was merely jealousy and bias directed at her and her perfection. He hated it. He hated what he became when he thought about her and wished she would disappear.

They were talking and Celestine looked grim. She gave Sirius a tired look and kept turning her head towards the lake far beyond, where Remus could have sworn the squid was cruising across. One could never be sure, even from this distance.

Remus, for the life of him, couldn't hear what they were saying but couldn't tear his eyes away. Sirius looked like he wanted to protest something, but Celestine was still shaking her head. Her lips were pursed and she daintily pushed some of her black hair from her face. Then, slowly, she reached out a hand and touched his shoulder.

Remus was certain that this would be the moment where they would start making out on the steps and he grimly turned his head away. But then, he heard the swish of clothes and watched as Celestine walked away, tears dotting her eyes. Remus stared at her, mouth agape. He jerked his head back towards where Sirius was still sitting and his eyes were trained on the lake. He looked one hundred years older.

Seizing the courage that supposedly put him in Gryffindor, Remus stepped out from the shadows and cautiously stepped down the steps, his book bag banging against his hip numbly. He approached Sirius and stood next to him, looking to where he was looking and saying nothing. If Sirius didn't want to acknowledge his presence, then that was fine. Apparently he and Celestine had just broken up.

"Sit down, Remus," Sirius finally said with a tired sigh and Remus was quick to obey. Sirius rarely addressed him by name, usually favoring 'Moony' above all else.

He pushed his book bag away and it landed on the step below him with a soft thud. Remus swallowed and loosened his red and gold tie, giving Sirius a side long glance and wondering if Sirius would start pouring out his soul to Remus and blabber on about how much he loved Celestine. Remus was fairly certain he wouldn't be able to function after that.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot," Remus finally offered and turned slightly to face the boy. He was still watching the clear surface of the lake.

"You heard her, then?" Sirius asked and Remus almost thought he heard fear in his voice.

Remus shook his head. "No, I didn't hear." Then, he added quickly, "I saw Celestine walking away. Did you two have a fight or something?"

Sirius shifted and his feet scraped against the dirt on the steps. He sighed and shrugged one shoulder. "I guess you could say that."

"Did you break up?" Remus asked skeptically, wondering what was making Sirius so apprehensive.

"I guess so," Sirius muttered. "She probably doesn't want to go out with me anymore."

"Eh?" Remus was confused. "Why not?"

"She really hit the nail on the head, that girl," Sirius muttered instead of answering. "Perfect bull's eye."

"I wish I knew what you were talking about," Remus confessed, his eyebrows furrowing.

Sirius sighed again and rested his chin in his hand. He looked relieved for half a second before he continued:

"I guess those Ravenclaws aren't called intelligent for nothing. Why aren't you a Ravenclaw, Moony?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"The sorting hat wanted me to go to Ravenclaw. Actually, he felt I portrayed qualities of all houses," Remus said quietly. He decided to go back to the situation at hand. He hated how intrigued he was by the exchange between Sirius and Celestine, but he couldn't help it. He asked, "Why is Celestine smart now, aside from the obvious?"

"We've only been going out for a couple weeks and already she knows so much about me," Sirius confessed and Remus felt his heart drop.

"You're not too hard to get, Sirius," Remus confessed.

"You don't understand," Sirius insisted, "She got things about me that I didn't even know. You know, she saw things that I've been trying to ignore and deny. She… notices things. You know, as the third party. Anyways," he said miserably, "her perceptiveness makes it unlikely we'll be going on another date anytime soon."

Remus cracked a hesitant smile and offered, "There are other fish in the sea."

"Not for me," Sirius said mournfully. "And it's all Celestine's fault."

Remus' smile evaporated. "Really, now, Sirius. You survived without Celestine before, you can do it again, I'm sure. You'll meet other birds, and you'll be just as fine as you were before."

"No, no, you don't understand, Remus," Sirius insisted, again using Remus' given name. "It's not because of Celestine but because of what she said."

"What'd she say? Did she curse you or something?" Remus wondered and began fishing around for his wand. "I'm sure I can find the counter-curse for you if you'd like."

"Your head will always be in the books, won't it?" Sirius asked and he actually chuckled for a moment.

"Er," Remus said hesitantly, unsure how to respond to such a statement. He opted for the obvious and said, "I'm not always in the books, Sirius."

"Yes, I know," Sirius said and their eyes met. Remus' breath hitched as he delved into Sirius' large slate colored eyes.

"What'd she say, then?" Remus asked, his forehead crinkling in thought.

"Just things… about me that I've been ignoring. Things that I'm shocked she'd managed to see. I thought I'd hidden it well."

Remus was slightly hurt that Celestine could pick up something about Sirius' character when he himself couldn't do so. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Sirius, yet from the way Sirius was carrying on, Remus had to assume Celestine had discovered a deep secret of Sirius', one the boy was hesitant to share with one of his friends.

"Moony," Sirius ventured, "What do you think about love?"

"Huh?" Remus asked stupidly, unsure what Sirius was getting at. Did he love Celestine or something?

"What's your opinion on love?" Sirius repeated. "Do you think we're capable of love at this age?"

"That's a… well… I'm not sure," Remus finally said. "We're young. What we think is love now may or may not be love to us later on in life." Remus still looked hesitant. "I'm not sure how I can explain love. It's a very, I don't know, unexplainable thing."

"Ah," Sirius whispered.

"And its surprising how just one preposition can change the meaning of a sentence; the difference between loving someone and being _in_ love with someone. It's two remarkably different things."

"You're being pretty deep here, Remus," Sirius said and would have laughed in any other situation.

"This is a rather deep conversation we're having," Remus reminded, but not unkindly.

Silence dragged on between them. Sirius watched the lake and Remus watched Sirius watching the lake.

"Do you think love is possible?"

"I'm not quite sure what you mean, Sirius." Remus scratched his head. "I think love is a very possible and powerful thing. There isn't much out there in the world that can compare to it. I think. It's something so far beyond our reach, yet something we intently search for, always searching. Never stopping. It's something we wish to obtain but have to work for. And, in the end, love works in mysterious ways."

"Very deep," Sirius commented and Remus ignored him.

"Do you love Celestine, then?" Remus whispered.

Sirius was quiet for a long moment before murmuring, "It's not Celestine that I love."

Remus mulled this over, allowing the tiniest flicker of hope before dashing it away with his realism and pragmatism. There wasn't anything between them, no matter how much Remus dreamed there was and thought there was. It was all in his head. The one Sirius loved wasn't Celestine and it most certainly was not him.

"Do _you_ think love is possible?" Remus asked.

Sirius' face collected the tiniest of smiles and his eyes were at half mast. "Maybe. If you're lucky."

Luck and love.

Ah.

"Do you think you're capable of love?" Remus ventured, thinking that he'd gotten to the root of Sirius' questionings.

"Do you?" Sirius was being evasive, a move usually reserved for Remus.

Remus' eyes flickered over the setting sun in the distance and he pursed his lips. "There are only a few people in the world who know my secret. I don't know if I can bear to expose something so personal about myself to anyone else."

"You told us," Sirius said softly.

"You found out," Remus corrected. "And cornered me."

"Do you regret us finding out?"

"Never," Remus said without even having to think about. "My time here at Hogwarts has been the happiest of my entire life. With Peter, James, and you, Sirius, beside me, supporting me, I've almost felt… human."

Sirius looked pained and looked as if he wanted to protest Remus' humanity. The werewolf gently shook his head and silently urged him not to say a word. No matter how much his three best friends protested, Remus knew who he was. He was a monster, deep inside. A monster hiding in a boy's body.

"As for whether or not I'm capable of love," Remus continued before the silence could drag on for too long. He turned to Sirius and offered him a warm, tender smile, one that actually managed to reach his eyes. "You make me think I am."

Sirius returned the smile tentatively and touched Remus' shoulder in a gentle way, a tiny reminder that they were close enough to touch and that they allowed one another to be as close. Remus seemed to lean into the touch, ever so gently. It was a subtle shift of weight.

"Did Celestine say you're incapable of love?" Remus murmured.

Sirius' smile dropped from his lips and he looked indescribably sad in that moment. Silently, he nodded.

"She said I'm like a ripple," Sirius whispered. "You can never reach a ripple."

"She said that to you?"

"Among other things. She didn't say it to be mean. So don't give me that look. She just told me things. She was right though. She doesn't lie well. I could tell it was hurting her." Sirius traced his fingers along the dirt on the steps, leaving strange, intricate weavings. "She told me that I should say what I'm thinking to that… to the one I love. She told me that I shouldn't lie to myself and others. Because I'll only hurt those I care about."

"Ah," Remus murmured, unsure whether he should hate Celestine right now or not.

"She knew a lot about me just by watching me interact with others," Sirius said hesitantly and turned to face Remus directly. "Do you think I'm selfish, Moony?"

"You can be," Remus said truthfully. "But you can also be an extremely caring and sacrificing person."

"I see," Sirius said and frowned at the dirt.

He pulled his hand over his face, and left lines of grime there. Remus watched him move and had a sudden urge to wipe away the evidence of dirt. It didn't suit Sirius' face.

"She told me that I should tell the person I like that I do like them," Sirius added.

"Then you should."

"I don't know if I can."

"Then what are you doing in Gryffindor for?" Remus asked, laughing.

Sirius frowned. "It's just… that person wouldn't be expecting it from me. It'd be sudden, you know?"

"I'm sure she'd accept you, Padfoot. You're a great guy and all."

"Yeah, she," he muttered and then quickly cleared his throat. "I'm just hesitant to let, er, her know about my feelings. Because I'm afraid it'd ruin our already existing relationship."

"Is it Lily?" Remus asked in alarm. That would explain this conversation and the hesitancy.

"What? Oh, God no," Sirius said whilst pulling a face. "I could never go for her. She's James', after all. Besides, she's not my type."

"What is your type?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows.

There was a pregnant pause before Sirius offered, "Smart, charming, studious, gentle, pretty, funny. Someone I can talk to and be myself with. Someone who knows my secrets and accepts them without question. Someone who's always there for me and supports me and gives me advice when I'm lost and confused. Someone who wouldn't mind getting lost with me. Um, you know." He blushed. "The usual."

Remus smiled pleasantly and tried not to apply each trait to himself. Because he wasn't charming or gentle or pretty or funny.

"I like someone who's different, unique. Someone who thinks I'm different and unique. Someone who cares for me and lets me know that they do."

"You are unique, Padfoot, anyone who doesn't think so isn't worth your time," Remus reassured and patted the boy's shoulder. "She's out there, mate, you'll find her."

"What's your type?" Sirius questioned suddenly.

"Oh, um, well, you know," Remus stammered and blushed.

Sirius' eyebrows slanted downwards. "No, tell me. I told you."

There was a pause where Remus tried to force his blush back down.

"Well, someone who's different from me but not so much that it's annoying. Someone who knows my secret and doesn't care—like that will ever happen. Someone who doesn't mind my morbid bouts of skepticism and all the studying I do. Someone who makes me happy and I can make happy in return. Someone who's strong and firm in their beliefs. Pretty, smart, outgoing…"

"Tough order to fill," Sirius supplied, "What with your secret and everything."

"Yeah," Remus said remorsefully. "Doesn't matter. No one would want a werewolf."

"Don't say that," Sirius said firmly. "There's someone out there for you."

"They won't want me," Remus supplied morbidly.

"Now, now, I'm not going to be done in with your bad mood, Moony. Someday you'll find someone who makes you happy and who cares for you just as much as we do. And you'll be happy. And you'll see just how amazing and wonderful you are."

"Your flattery is wasted on me," Remus said sadly and sighed.

He leaned over and, using his thumb, wiped the dirt off Sirius' forehead, cheeks, and nose. He stared intently at his work and missed the mystified look on Sirius' face. Remus slowly pulled away and refused to make eye contact.

"Dirt on your face," Remus defended.

"Ah, thanks."

"What did Celestine say to you?" Remus tried again.

Sirius blew out a breath of air. "She said I'm impossible to get close to so long as my heart is anchored by someone else. She told me that she knew… things I've told no one. She told me that she'd been watching me for the last week and she'd noticed how I'd spent a lot of time around you."

"Well, of course, we're friends," Remus said, looking outraged. "Don't tell me she's angry over the fact you have friends!"

"No," Sirius said with a shake of his head. "It's not that. She noticed the way I act around you. It's a bit… unlike any other way boys act around each other."

Remus had no idea what Celestine could possibly mean. Sirius and Remus had always acted this way around one another. It was never any different this year than it had any other year before that. They were just comfortable around one another. They could be themselves around one another. Nothing mattered.

"She's being silly," Remus said firmly.

"No, she's right," Sirius said resolutely.

Remus gave him a blank look but Sirius ignored him. He picked at some lint on his casual wear and Remus once again felt overdressed for the occasion, even if he was only with Sirius on the steps of Hogwarts, watching the sunset. Remus could see his breath.

"She also said that it's unfair to you for me not to say anything."

"Say what?" Remus asked, confused.

"For a smart, studious guy, you sure can be clueless sometimes," Sirius said sadly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus asked defensively.

"It means I like you," Sirius said flatly.

Remus nearly missed what he said. It flew over his head but the words seemed to reverberate across the empty courtyard they sat before, with the lake far beyond. Remus stared at him and looked like he was being strangled. Sirius looked at him calmly.

"Celestine sure hit the bull's eye," Sirius said and turned his head away, refusing to look at Remus again. "She knew right away that I fancied you. She could just tell by the way I acted, talked, and looked at you. And you need me to spell it out for you. This is why you're not in Ravenclaw, mate."

"You fancy me?" Remus squeaked.

"Quite a bit, actually," Sirius said calmly. Calm was never something Remus associated with Sirius and needless to say the werewolf was growing a bit uneasy.

"Oh," Remus whispered.

"_Oh_? That's all you have to say?" Sirius asked and he looked like he wanted to either burst into tears or laughter.

"I just… didn't expect it," Remus said, startled. "You think I'm charming? And pretty?"

Sirius laughed. "Figures you'd say something like that, huh? Yes, I do. Maybe handsome would be the word I'd use, probably. But whatever."

"And… you think I'm gentle?"

"The gentlest person I know. You're a very caring person, you know," Sirius said logically. "You may not think so, but I've seen it. You're possibly the only seventh year who's kind to the underclassmen. You're very careful in your words and gestures. You don't like to insult or cause ruckus for others. You're gentle."

Remus blushed and didn't know what to say to such a statement. Sirius reached out and touched his arm.

"Have I misread everything between us, Remus?" he murmured and withdrew his hand hesitantly. "Am I wrong to think that you like me, too?"

Remus turned to look at him and was fairly certain that their eyes mirrored one another's. Both looked extremely frightened. Unable to summon up the words, Remus nodded, slowly.

Sirius cracked a smile. "Please say it."

Remus swallowed and squeaked out what could possibly have been words at one point in time. He tried again and cleared his throat. "I like you, too, Sirius. A lot."

Sirius' smile widened and he grabbed Remus' hand, dragging him closer. "Celestine told me you'd say that."

"Did she?" Remus asked, still blushing.

"Yep," Sirius said proudly, "She's quite a smart bird. That's why she's in Ravenclaw, I reckon."

"Indeed," Remus whispered, staring at the lake over Sirius' shoulder. "And I'm not in Ravenclaw because I'm clueless?"

"I'm clueless, too," Sirius said with a shrug. "Like I said earlier. She's the third party. She sees things we don't. Plus, she's a woman, so I suppose that counts for something."

"I guess," Remus said, wondering why some kind of strange panic hadn't overtaken him whilst discussing their relationship. Under normal circumstances, Remus would have wanted to faint or run away. Yet here he was, calmly talking with Sirius, whilst holding hands, as if they hadn't just confessed to one another that they liked the other.

Perhaps they'd known all along. Perhaps they'd known and hadn't expressed it in words. Saying it didn't mean a thing, for actions spoke much louder than words.

"Sirius?" Remus questioned.

"Yeah?" Sirius asked.

"Come here," Remus commanded, but closed the distance between them and threw his arms around Sirius' shoulders, hugging him close. "I have something important to say to you."

"Yeah?" Sirius whispered back.

"Celestine's stupid," Remus declared.

"Oh?" Sirius asked, curiosity rising.

"You're nothing like a ripple," Remus said gently.

"And why's that?" Sirius asked.

"You can't hold a ripple close to you, Sirius," Remus reminded him and melted into his embrace.


	14. Name

**Name**  
_Theme #14: What did you say?_

---

"Mooony…!" Sirius sang.

Remus flipped a page in his book and ignored Sirius as much as he could. Sirius frowned and tried to pry the tome from Remus' hands. The werewolf hung on firmly.

"Moony!" Sirius said, an obvious pout in his voice.

"Hm?" Remus finally granted. "You'd get my attention more if you actually called me by name, Sirius."

"I thought you liked your nickname," Sirius accused, once again trying to pluck the book from Remus' lap. The prefect turned away, successfully hiding an amused smirk from the dark-haired boy.

"I like my given name better," Remus admitted, trying his best not to snicker at Sirius' scandalized look.

"Moony!"

"Remus," the said boy corrected.

"What if I like your nickname better?" Sirius questioned.

"Then that's your prerogative," Remus answered evenly, shrugging his shoulders.

"How about we make a deal?" Sirius said, his voice suddenly sounding sly, as it was opt to do whenever he was struck by his own, astoundingly large brilliance.

"How about we don't?" Remus questioned.

"Now, now," Sirius scolded, obviously too interested in his own prowess to allow Remus' skepticism to deter him. "How about, for ever time I actually call you by your silly little name, you pay me."

"Pay you!" Remus finally looked up from his book, frowning. "Sirius, you know that I hardly have enough money to buy your guys birthday presents—"

"I didn't mean with money," Sirius said quickly, one of his infamous, sly grins rippling across his face.

Remus paled. "Then what?"

"Kisses," Sirius said confidently.

Remus' face turned red. "_What?_"

"Every time I call you by name, you need to give me a kiss," Sirius repeated calmly, the grin still in place.

Remus gave him a withered look. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Not at all, Remus," Sirius said, still grinning.

Remus, somehow, knew he wouldn't live this down. He glanced around the common room and his frown deepened when he realized he had no excuse to slink away from Sirius. Not that kissing him was anything terrible. It was just… not something Remus would typically do, much less with Sirius.

Still blushing, he stared at Sirius.

"Hm…?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows arching. "Do you not want to kiss me, Remus?"

Remus' blush intensified as he leaned over and kissed Sirius' cheek twice, to pay back the two times the dark-haired wizard had said his name. Somehow, Remus knew he would never be able to wipe that grin off Sirius' face, so long as he was 'paying' him.

"Atta boy," Sirius congratulated, looking quite pleased.


	15. Starting Over

**Starting Over  
**_Theme #30: _Touch Me

---

Lie low at Lupin's. That was all Dumbledore had said. Despite the gravity of the situation, Sirius had been all too eager to agree to the headmaster's request. He trotted down forgotten streets and down deserted alleyways. He knew where Remus' house was.

Remus opened the door after Sirius rang the bell a couple times. He only seemed slightly dazed to see Sirius, but he stepped aside and let the runaway in. Sirius entered gratefully, inhaling the sweet scents of Remus' home.

The home was modest. Spartan. There was a bitter reminder here that Remus had no job and he was a deadly, dark creature. The ministry made a habit of making sure living as a werewolf was difficult.

Remus motioned for Sirius to follow him and the two men went into the tiny, dirty kitchen.

"I don't have much," Remus said apologetically. The first words he'd said to Sirius in months. He cleared his throat and moved towards the cupboard, where he kept his tea. "I have Earl Grey. Is that fine?"

Sirius was distantly aware that Remus was talking about tea.

"Oh, yeah," Sirius said lamely.

Remus fixed the tea and handed it to Sirius calmly. "Dumbledore sent me an owl," Remus said lightly, "I knew you were coming."

"He told you about what happened to Harry at the tournament, right?" Sirius asked quietly. He remembered the fear in Harry's eyes.

"Yes," Remus said, equally as quiet. They sat in uncomfortable silence, punctuated by tiny sips of tea.

Sirius breathed in the scent of the tea and eyed Remus over the rim of the tea cup. There was a small chip in the cup. How long had Remus gone without a job? His last job must have been as the Defense against the Dark Arts' professor. Sirius felt anger surge through him. Why did the ministry make it so hard for people like Remus?

Rain tapped against the house and Remus was drawn to the dirty, sightless window, where the rain produced a melodious drumming. He sighed feebly and set down his tea.

"The moon is tonight," Remus said calmly.

Sirius looked at the werewolf guiltily. How many years had Remus spent the full moon alone? He hadn't been there to protect him. He hadn't been there for him.

"Oh… do you want me to…?" Sirius trailed off, unsure whether Remus wanted his company.

Remus smiled weakly. "I have the Wolfsbane potion. I'll be okay. You don't have to, if you don't want to."

They sat in silence, an uncomfortable silence. Sirius wished things were like how they were, before all of this. He licked his dry, chapped lips and ran his hand through his shaggy black hair.

"I do want to," he confessed quietly, as if speaking of something sinful. He frowned at the table. Why were things like this? It used to be a given that he would spend the moon with Remus.

Remus smiled again, and this time it seemed to almost reach his eyes. "Okay."

"Okay," Sirius agreed, sounding much more confident in himself than before. Remus wanted his company.

The afternoon melted away and as the sun began to set and the moon began to rise, Remus led the way upstairs to his bedroom. Sirius sat on the bed and watched as Remus chugged down the potion with a rather irritated face.

Remus' eyes turned towards the small window, facing the horizon where the moon would eventually rise.

"Does it still hurt?" Sirius whispered before he could stop himself.

Remus looked at him feebly. Maybe, once upon a time, Sirius could have asked such a question without causing such a pained look in Remus' eyes. Maybe, once upon a time, Remus would have told everything to Sirius.

But they'd been apart for so long. They'd been away for so long. Remus lowered his eyes. "Not as much as it used to. The potion helps."

"Oh," Sirius said, feeling awkward.

The moon rose and words melted away into nothingness. Sirius transformed into his dog counterpart and sat on the bed patiently, watching as the change overtook Remus once again.

Even with the potion, Sirius could tell that it pained Remus. He buckled over and fell to his knees. He released the tiniest moans of pain as his body shifted and morphed, bones breaking and muscles tearing in order to accommodate a new form.

Sirius watched helplessly, wishing, like so many times before, that he could heal Remus' pain.

Slowly, the transformation ebbed away and the wolf sat up, giving Sirius an indescribable look before moving towards the corner.

The wolf curled up in the corner of the bedroom, tucking his snout between his legs with his tail swishing from side to side lazily. He looked like an oversized dog. It was a welcomed sight from the times Sirius had seen him rip himself apart and attack anything that moved.

Sirius trotted over to his friend and curled up beside him as well. The giant black dog nosed against the wolf's neck and a small tongue darted out and touched the underside of the chin. The wolf growled in welcome.

The dog snuggled closer to the wolf, his tail thumping against the wolf's lightly before their hearts seemed beat together as one and their heads rested on the ground next to one another.

It was like starting over. For half a second Sirius could remember the past and remember how close they once were. Perhaps they were inching back towards that time again. He was with Remus again and, if he had the power, he would never leave his side.

The dog breathed quietly, smelling the air and recognizing Remus' scent. He growled lightly and kicked out his large paw, bumping against the wolf's leg.

The wolf's eyes opened and gave the dog a look before falling shut again, as if just humoring the black dog. Yes, it seemed that things would be okay. Things would be fine.

For the rest of the night, the wolf and the dog slept side by side.


	16. You Could be Happy

**You Could be Happy**  
_Theme #28: Crazy _

---

He sat in the cold, dank cell, his mind a jumbled mess of half-remembered memories and distant fragments of shattered remembrances. Sometimes, when the creatures guarding him stepped far away, to the other side of the corridor, feeding on the other, screaming prisoners, a happy memory would bubble to the surfaces of his mind and a gentle, wobbly smile would tremble across his lips, the muscles in his face trying to remember the feeling of a smile.

But then they would return and the gentle moment of happiness sunk away into the darkness of his mind, sucked clean and dry. He would shrink into himself and collect into a ball, wrapping his arms around his knees and guarding himself, empty eyes watching the shadows on the wall.

The thought, the assertion, of his innocence kept him sane. It wasn't a happy thought. But it wasn't depressing and insane, like the hundreds of other prisoners felt. It was just there. A bitter reminder of his mistakes.

When the Dementors did slink away, and he happened to be thinking of his innocence, thoughts of Remus would float to the surface, dancing there like feathers caught in the wind. He would try to grasp onto the images of his face, of his lips, of his words. They would dance just outside of his fingertips, connecting puzzle pieces but never forming the entire picture.

He would remember the moments when he was happiest with Remus. When they would joke together while studying for an exam, when they would sneak behind closed doors in order to steal a few promising kisses, when they would walk through Diagon Alley after graduation whilst discussing their future, when they would share a flat together. These happy memories kept him sane for those bright few moments when the effect of the Dementors wasn't obvious. But they would always soon return, as if beckoned by the gentle light of a happy memory, and he would reminder some things of a much darker nature.

He would remember all the times he'd been insensitive to Remus, when he'd first learned of Remus' lycanthropy and was afraid, when he'd kissed girls in front of Remus, oblivious to the boy's affections, when they would fight over trivial things, when he'd left Remus without saying goodbye while going off in search of Peter that fateful night.

These were his regrets. And the reassurance, no matter how tiny, that he was innocent kept him from drowning in the waves of his regret.

And he would wish for some sort of memorabilia to remember Remus by, because his memories failed him in the dark dungeon of his mind and of his prison. He longed for something that smelled like Remus, to connect him to the tiny memories where he could be happy.

And he always wondered if Remus was happy, too.


	17. Bed Warmer

**Bed Warmer**  
_Theme #22_ Cheer up!

---

"Remus!" someone hissed.

Remus winced inwardly, closing his eyes tight as the musical notes of Sirius' voice invaded his peaceful almost-slumber. Maybe if he ignored the other boy, he'd go away.

"Remus!" Sirius sounded louder now. Closer.

Remus should have known. Ignoring Sirius was like ignoring a group of elephants in a tightly enclosed area. He should have known that never worked with Sirius.

"Remus," Sirius whined, his voice louder still. Now accompanying his pleas was the steady shaking of Sirius' hand on his shoulder. Remus sighed and dragged the covers down, staring fuzzily in the dim light the moon created in the empty dormitory.

He blinked slowly, trying to bring his world into focus before he found his eyes looking up at Sirius. The boy looked down at him eagerly, looking cold. As hearing Remus' observation, Sirius began to shiver, punctuating this truth. Remus' eyes narrowed for a moment.

"What is it?" He didn't bother looking for his glasses. He didn't always need them. After years of reading books with tiny print, his eyes were failing him. Sirius claimed having glasses made him look even dorkier than he already was. For that reason, he was hesitant to go look for them.

"My bed's _freezing_," Sirius' fuzzy face complained, pulling at Remus' covers.

"And what do you expect me to do about it? You're the one who wanted to stay in this bloody cold castle for Christmas." He turned away, muttering to himself about the indecency of his roommate.

"I did. But… not for the frostbite! Scoot over, I'm getting in."

"This is my bed," Remus protested half-heartedly. Despite his protests, however, he moved over, giving Sirius room to slip into the bed with him.

"I'm wide awake," Sirius said flippantly, stretching out on his back in the bed. "How can you sleep so soundly?"

"I just do," Remus said after a thoughtful pause. He never slept the week before the full moon. He had to catch up on his sleep afterwards.

"But it's so windy outside. It's loud," Sirius proclaimed. "Can't you hear it?"

He hadn't before. He was usually a very deep sleeper. Now he could. It was a woeful, poignant sound that really was rather distracting to someone who wanted to sleep. Listening to it made Remus feel nervous, and he could sympathize for Sirius' inability to fall asleep when listening to that mournful sound. It didn't help they were in a practically empty castle. James and Peter weren't here with them. James was off visiting his grandparents. Peter's mother wanted him home. The two other boys had been invited, but Sirius claimed he wanted to spend Christmas at the castle, since he hadn't yet done so. He asked Remus to stay with him.

"Sometimes I think you're deaf, Remus. Half the time you don't even seem to be listening when I'm talking to you."

The teasing note was there, masking the thinly veiled metaphor in Sirius' tone. It had been there now for months, creeping into Sirius's voice. And Remus didn't know how he should feel about that teasing manner. He wasn't sure what they were gravitating towards, but it couldn't be denied that they were gravitating towards _something_.

"Hmph. Thanks a lot. Now I'm awake, too." He sat up in bed and reached for his glasses, stretching over Sirius thoughtlessly. But the other boy went still beneath him, his breath catching in his throat, and there was a brief strange moment where both boys paused and their eyes locked onto one another's. Then Remus moved back to his side of the bed, glasses in hand and blushing furiously.

"What should we do?" Sirius turned onto his side, his hair shining in the moonlight. He watched Remus' profile for a long moment. "It's really cold in your bed, too."

"What did you expect?" he muttered, cheeks losing their pink color. Remus slipped out of bed, his bare feet touching the ground. He shivered as he touched the cold stone floor.

"Where are you going?" The worried note in Sirius' voice didn't escape Remus.

"Getting something," was all he said in response.

"Now it's all cold again." Sirius sat up, pouting. Remus found it strange and disconcerting to look back at his bed and see Sirius in it, as if belonging there. It sent a strange flurry of butterflies in his stomach, and he almost faltered in his step as he moved away. His entire being wanted to return to Sirius' side, and sit in that bed—belonging.

"Just a minute," Remus said, bending to open his trunk. He dug around until he pulled out one of his heavy sweaters. It was well-worn, with a hole in the elbow, but a good sweater nonetheless. It kept Remus warm on cold nights.

"Oh!" Sirius brightened up considerably when he realized what it was Remus was doing.

"Now stop complaining about the cold."

"Remus…"

"You're going to whine and protest all night, aren't you?" Remus asked coldly, returning to his bed. Sirius reached for the sweater, fingers brushing Remus'.

"Your hands are cold," he muttered, letting his fingers rest against Remus' hands, as if they belonged together.

"They'll warm up." Remus pulled his hand away, his cheeks feeling warm. "Don't worry."

"Don't be silly!" Sirius grinned, grasping Remus' hands tightly in his own before Remus could shout out any protest. "I'll just give them a little help."

"Sirius…" Remus said, looking skeptically at their joined hands.

But Remus didn't pull away his hands. He left them there, trapped between Sirius' palms. And he tried not to think about how soft his skin was, or how slender his fingers were.

"Cheer up," Sirius advised, looking quite pleased. "Just think if I weren't here to keep you company. You'd be cold and all alone."

"No, I'd be sleeping," Remus muttered sarcastically, still starting at their hands.

Sirius was still grinning widely, his eyes crinkling at the corners in his pleasure. He always looked so delighted and so carefree when he smiled. It warmed Remus' heart, even on this cold night. Sirius' hands were as warm as his smile.

"It's romantic, isn't it?"

It wasn't the words that surprised Remus. Probably because he'd been thinking the same thing, too, but hadn't planned on voicing that opinion. No. Really, it was the way Sirius said the words. There was no teasing, no shyness, no playfulness. The words were spoken wistfully, a soft murmur in the silent night. Hopeful.

Sirius was looking at their clasped hands, a small smile on his lips. And there it was, out in the open. After all the timid glances and playful flirting, it was as simple as that. All it took was one simple sentence, whispered in the dark of the night, their hands touching. Remus didn't know how to respond to the openly raw and honest expression on Sirius' face.

"Put the sweater on," Remus said, pulling his hands away gently, and instantly missing the warmth Sirius' hands provided.

"Remus…" Sirius began.

"It's going to get colder, you know. I'd reckon it will start snowing sooner or later." It was a clear night outside. The moon glowed brightly in the sky.

"Do you want me to go back to my bed?" Sirius asked inquisitively, unable to hide the tiny thread of fear in his voice. Unable to hide the tiny veil of hope in his voice.

"No." Remus pulled back the covers, slipping beneath them, looking slightly miserable. His feet were cold. His hands were cold. And he missed the warmth Sirius' hands had given him. "You're not to blame..."

"Blame?"

"I've never discouraged you." Remus sat back, lying against his headboard, speaking as if he hadn't heard Sirius speak. He knew his cheeks must be a bright red and he turned his face away, unwilling to look at Sirius and see any expression there. "It's really… more like the opposite. I mean… I really kind of… I kind of… liked it. I do like it."

Sirius was silent for a long moment, staring at his empty hands and the sweater in his lap. Finally, he muttered, "Really?"

"I would think the answer would be obvious, Sirius. We've known each other a long time."

"But you…" Sirius began.

"Put on your sweater. I froze my feet off to get it for you," Remus muttered and slipped off his glasses. He inspected them for a moment before cleaning them with the sheets, ridding them of fingerprint smears and dirt.

"Sometimes I don't understand you, Moony." Sirius sighed and slipped on his sweater, the pet-name comfortable and familiar.

Remus laughed quietly. He shifted, leaning slightly against Sirius, feeling the scratchy wool of his sweater stretched across Sirius' chest.

It was out in the open now.

Remus felt warm and cheery all night.


	18. How to Tie a Tie

**How to Tie a Tie**  
_Theme #13: Hair Ribbons_

---

"Padfoot," Remus said lightly and chuckled. "Your tie is crooked."

Sirius looked down at the offensive tie, scowling deeply at the crooked thing. He fingered the red and gold banded tie and his scowl deepened.

"You know I hate these things," he groused, fiddling with it. "I hate the entire uniform, frankly."

"Yes, I know. If the world went your way, we'd all be naked," Remus joked, setting down his book bag and moving forward towards the taller boy. "Let me help."

Sirius watched skeptically as Remus stepped closer than strictly necessary and touched the tie, slowly untying Sirius' messy and incorrect job.

Remus worked diligently, crossing the tie and looping it under the shorter end. Sirius watched, awed at how quickly Remus tied the tie. He stepped back when he was done, and Sirius missed the brief whispers of Remus' soft fingertips against his neck.

"There," Remus said triumphantly, looking quite pleased with himself. He dusted his hands free of invisible dust. "Much better. You look quite presentable now, Padfoot."

Sirius turned around and inspected himself on the little mirror James had purchased last year. He tugged at the tie until it loosened a bit. Over his reflection's shoulder, Sirius saw Remus frown thoughtfully. Once the tie was loosened to his liking, Sirius turned back around and grinned cheekily at his friend.

"Thanks, Moony," Sirius said happily before turning his attentions back to the mirror. "Heaven forbid I look like a slob."

Remus, being the smart boy that he was, easily detected the sarcasm in his friend's voice. He arched his eyebrows upwards, giving his friend a forgiving look. He sighed, adjusted his own tie and slipped on his cloak. He jerked his head towards the stairway, visible through the open door to their dormitory.

"Class will start soon. Let's go?" he asked, gesturing.

"Okay—opps," Sirius said from the mirror.

Remus' eyes narrowed. "What did you do?"

"Tie came undone," Sirius admitted, but despite the apologetic tone of his voice, Remus could clearly see the pure delight in his eyes, the terribly hidden amount of guilty pleasure.

Rolling his eyes, Remus stepped back over towards Sirius and yanked on his tie, choking the boy for a moment. Frowning, he began redoing Sirius' tie, making sure to do it looser for him, since he was going to act like a stupid _girl_ and be fussy about his clothing. He yanked jerkily on the tie again and Sirius laughed above him.

"There," Remus said again, stepping back and admiring his handy work. "Now let's get to class."

Sirius turned back to the mirror, tugged on it again until it was loose enough, before turning around and smiling at Remus. The said boy rolled his eyes and grabbed Sirius' book bag. He tossed it towards Sirius with a barely concealed snort.

"Come on, let's go," he said again, tugging on Sirius' sleeve as the boy loitered about, admiring his reflection.

He watched Sirius touch the tie before sighing. He shook his head, grabbed the book bag and followed after Remus. "Coming."

They walked down the stairs to the common room in a companionable silence. As they were crossing the threshold towards the portrait hole, Sirius spoke again:

"Where did you learn how to tie a tie, anyway?"

"Hair ribbons," Remus said easily, his cheeks turning a hue pinker.

"Hair ribbons!" Sirius exclaimed cheerily before breaking out into a grin. "Do tell."

"I used to practice on my stuffed bear at home," Remus said defensively, something in his tone daring Sirius to make fun of him and his dress-up days with his teddy bears. Sirius muffled a snort and patted his shorter friend on the back.

"Of course you did, everyone does that," Sirius said with a particularly large chortle.

Remus glared. "Shut up. That's the last time I tie your tie for you."

"But it's come undone again," Sirius admitted, and displayed his unraveled tie for Remus' inspection.

Remus growled, but couldn't shake off the look of soft affection on his face as he stepped up to Sirius and redid his tie for him. His fingers brushed over Sirius' neck and Sirius watched him silently, his lips quirked up into one of his devilish smiles, only softened for Remus.

Remus finished, leaving the knot of the tie hanging low away from Sirius' collar. "There, is that loose enough?"

"Perfect," Sirius confessed, his eyes glowing. "Thanks, Moony."

Remus breathed in slowly and nodded his head. "Let's get to class."


	19. You are the Moon

**You Are the Moon**  
_Theme #12: _Ice Skating

---

Remus, Sirius mused to himself, was exactly like the moon. He knew of Remus' supreme dislike and fear of the moon, so he never voiced this opinion out loud. If he told Remus he was exactly like the large globe in the sky, Remus would be insulted and think Sirius was crazy. Sometimes Sirius thought he was crazy, too.

"Where did Prongs go?" Sirius grumbled, lying on his back on his bed. From his vantage point, he could see Remus rearranging things in his trunk, collecting his small, pathetic heap of clothing in one corner, his knick-knacks in another, and his extra school supplies in the center.

Remus glanced up when Sirius spoke. He gave him a withered look before saying, "For the fifth time, he went ice skating with Lily."

"Ice skating, huh?" Sirius asked, as if he hadn't heard this information five times already. He brushed his black bangs from his eyes and continued to survey Remus. "Where?"

Remus' look was still as dry as his voice, "I _told_ you. The northern end of the lake froze over, so everybody's going down to ice skate. Except for you."

"And you," Sirius countered logically. "You find it far more fascinating to reorganize your socks."

"Ha ha," Remus said sarcastically. He straightened himself up and slammed his trunk shut. "For your information, I'm done 'reorganizing my socks' as you put it. At least I'm doing something productive. What's your excuse?"

"I hate skating," Sirius said and then sat up, his black bangs falling into his eyes again. He draped his legs over the side of his messy bed.

"Hm," Remus hummed, not sounding the least bit interested in Sirius' likes and dislikes.

The boy moved across the room, heading towards his own four-poster bed. He rearranged his pillows and pulled on the covers until the wrinkles were smoothed out. All the while Sirius watched him like a hawk. Remus glanced at him from time to time. Finally, when he looked like he was about to leave the room, Sirius threw out his hand and caught the hem of one of Remus' billowing sleeves.

"Hullo," Remus said, though there was an air of question in his voice as he turned around to give Sirius a curious look. "Do you need something?"

Night was falling outside and Sirius could already see the half-full moon rising against the setting sun, defiantly. His eyes traced the colors splashing across the sky. It was probably really cold.

He turned his attention back towards Remus when the boy seemed like he was about to pull away. He smiled cheekily up at the boy as his fingers skated across pale skin, wrapping around deft fingers and drawing the boy close.

Remus didn't protest it. He moved up to Sirius, standing between his knees and looking down at the boy curiously. A thumb stroked inquisitively over scarred skin.

The standing boy was smiling. "Yes?"

"You're lovely, you know that?" Sirius said lightly. His thumb still swept tantalizingly slow over Remus' skin.

The said boy tilted his head to the side. "Boys aren't lovely, Padfoot."

"Well, you are," Sirius protested, reaching out his other hand and grabbing Remus' other hand. "You know why I hate skating, right?" he asked suddenly. "Remus?"

"Of course I do," Remus asked, amusement in his voice from the sudden changing of subject. His hands felt natural against Sirius' own. "You fell through the ice when you were young."

"I didn't _fall_," Sirius protested.

"I know," Remus said gently, always sounding like he spoke with the utmost care, choosing his words with difficult precision. "Regulus shoved you, and you didn't know how to swim, especially in freezing ice water."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, his fingertips padding across Remus' hands, committing the scarred appendages to his memory, though the feeling and curves of his entire body were confided perfectly to his memory, having scanned and traced the features countless times. He worried his lower lip. "There's probably a metaphor in there."

"Probably," Remus agreed and said nothing more.

They stood in silence for a short moment.

"Would you have pulled me out?" Sirius asked.

Remus' eyes were warmed, his smile crinkling the sides of his eyes. "Always."

They breathed in the silence.

It was getting darker out still. Remus spoke, sounding regretful, "They'll be back soon."

"Yeah," Sirius said again, staring up at Remus' face, and seeing only beauty there. The molten gold eyes met his slate grey.

Remus' smile softened and he leaned down and their lips met, like many times before. It was soft and chaste, as was everything Remus did. Sirius pressed forward but Remus pulled back, the smile still on his lips as he tightened his hold on Sirius' hands.

His cheeks were pink and his eyes glowed. He was lovely. He wished that Remus would see it for himself and not just think Sirius was being sweet when he insisted that Remus was pretty.

Sirius stood up and released his hold on Remus' hand. Remus regarded him thoughtfully as Sirius lifted his hands and cupped his cheeks, pulling the boy's face upwards to meet his own. They kissed again in the darkness, the moon casting a shadow through the window. Moonbeams stretched across the hardwood floor.

_You are the moon,_ Sirius thought, _that skates across the sky._

He wished that Remus could see his beauty. But the moon could only see its reflection in rippling waters of the ocean and lakes. His impression was skewed, and Sirius wished he could still the world so Remus could see himself truly, and not just a scattered reflection in a fragmented surface.

Sirius pulled away, regretting the distance between Remus' lips. Silently, Remus' hands covered the ones covering his cheeks and he seemed to positively glow. He beamed up at Sirius, his eyes soft like the morning sun.

The taller boy licked his lips and rested his forehead against Remus'. The boy's eyes fell shut at the contact, and his scarred fingers skated across his smooth skin, up his arms, over his shoulders, and around his neck. He drew him close, and Sirius greeted the movement.

"I wouldn't let you fall in," Remus said at last, his eyes still shut and his lips still curved into a contented smile. Sirius hummed in confusion. Remus explained, "I wouldn't let you fall in the water. I'd skate with you and keep you safe."

Sirius chuckled. "You're lovely."

"I'm not," Remus defended.

Remus was the moon. Sirius was the stars that kept the moon company. And together, they created the night sky.


	20. Butterflies

**Butterflies**  
_Theme #7: _What a Feeling! 

---

They sat at a table in the corner of the common room. The window was open, and an early winter breeze blew through the room, ruffling the curtains and hair. Remus' long fingers scanned over a heavy text, muttering out soft words as he searched for what he was looking for. Sirius sat across from him, head in his hand, leaning forward and watching every small movement the other marauder made.

The sun streamed through the windows, basking the two boys in light. Remus waved his wand and Sirius responded, mimicking the shorter boy's movements. Light sparkled from the tips of their wands, and pieces of paper became butterflies. Sirius laughed. Remus smiled.

The paper butterflies fluttered around the two boys' heads, their tiny flittering casting strange shadows over the table and soft, smiling faces. Sirius reached up a hand and grabbed one of the creatures. It shifted and rested on his fingertip. Still grinning happily, Sirius presented the butterfly to Remus.

With small, scarred fingers, Remus lifted his hand and accepted the butterfly, his cheeks a soft pink. His smile was small, but meaningful. It made Sirius' heart swell. What a feeling.


	21. God's Eyes

**God's Eyes  
**_Theme #25: _Tokyo Babylon

---

It was a quiet day. Shadows ran across the long expanses of clumped dirt and sporadic placements of grass. It was a rare sunny day in these dark times. The two men sat beneath a tree, watching the sun sink lower towards the horizon. Sirius chewed on a long piece of grass. Remus read a book.

"I wonder what God must look like."

Remus looked up and watched Sirius carefully, a question in his eyes. Sirius was watching the sunset.

"Our appearances… It's said that God made us in his image. Does God also have eyes, a mouth, and a nose like us?" There were rare moments when Sirius was thoughtful like this. But Remus wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"Sure…" he said at last, when he realized Sirius was waiting for an answer.

"If so… then God must also have a field of vision. He should be able to see everything. But… it looks like I'm being overlooked." He said it so carefully, but there was heartbreak in his eyes. There were shadows longer than those cast by the sun in his features.

"I'm not sure I understand." It was rare for Remus to not understand what Sirius was trying to tell him.

"You might say, with all the people in this world, that it's easy to not be seen. But… if I am being seen properly…" Sirius trailed off, sighing softly. The sky was darkening around them, an unsteady darkness. "I hope that… I want… I want to be forgiven."

Remus very carefully set down his book, delicately marking the page. In the dim light of dusk, Remus observed Sirius' face with a critical eye. Sirius betrayed no emotion. He watched the dying sunlight fade from the darkening sky.

Sullenly, silently, Remus stretched out a hand and cupped Sirius' cheek. The man turned his attention towards Remus as a gentle thumb swept over a cheek bone. Silent still, Remus smiled at Sirius, wishing that he could portray everything he ever wanted to say.

Sirius must have heard the message, because he lifted a hand and covered Remus'. His eyes suggested the hint of a smile as well.

"To forgive someone… that may not be a god's duty. But, rather, a person's." Remus said it seriously, his eyes staring through Sirius', searching for something inside his soul. His thumb drifted over soft skin, fingertips playing with dark hair.

"But people might change," Sirius whispered sadly.

Remus leaned upwards and kissed him silent.


	22. Starlight

**Starlight**  
_Theme #18: _Little Prince

---

"Moony! Moony! Moooooooony!" a voice hissed in his ear. Remus groaned and rolled over. Something bounced onto his bed. "Moony! Wake up! Wake up!"

"Go away, Sirius," Remus muttered, his eyes clenching tighter and pulling his covers over his head. "It's in the middle of the night."

"Wake up!" Sirius whispered cheerfully.

"Why?" Remus asked Sirius and the heavens that seemed to hate him at the same time.

"Come oooon!" Sirius said, his voice musical. Remus groaned again and stuffed his head under his pillow.

Seconds later, Sirius was pulling the covers away from Remus' body. Remus shivered as the cool night air assaulted him and he tried, fruitlessly, to reclaim his covers without having to open his eyes. After realizing that it was, indeed, hopeless, Remus reluctantly opened his eyes, only to glare darkly at Sirius.

"What?" he growled out, cranky and grumpy.

Sirius didn't answer him. Instead, he grabbed Remus' wrist and tugged him upwards. Remus was about to protest before Sirius grabbed Remus' heaviest cloak and a scarf. Then he was tugged unceremoniously out of the dorm room and up the long flight of stairs towards the top of the dormitory tower.

"What the heck are you doing?" Remus muttered out angrily. He only tugged on his arm half-heartedly. Sirius still didn't answer him.

They reached the top of the tower and Sirius charmed the door open with a flick of his wrist. Remus, muttering to himself, let Sirius drag him out into the cold winter night.

"It's freezing!" Remus complained. "And it's the middle of the night! Sirius why—?"

"Shut up and look, Moony," Sirius reprimanded without malice in his voice.

Remus looked to where Sirius was pointing and his eyes widened. The entire sky was falling. He watched it in awe, as star after star fell towards the earth, streaking across the sky in a criss cross of patterns. Remus' honey colored eyes surveyed the horizon, watching stars disappear behind snow-capped mountains.

"Wow," was all Remus managed to say.

Sirius was smiling at him widely. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It is," Remus agreed, happy Sirius had awoken him. He watched the endless cascade of falling stars and his eyes softened. "_You shall have the stars that laugh._"

"Huh?" Sirius asked, still looking at Remus.

Remus smiled benignly. "It's Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. He's an author."

"What'd he write?" Sirius asked curiously.

"_The Little Prince,_" Remus remarked, a smile creasing his lips. "It's a wonderful book. It's originally in French, but it's been translated before."

"Never heard of it," Sirius confessed.

"It's a beautiful story," Remus said, his eyes turning wistful. "_On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux._"

"What does that mean?" Sirius asked, skeptically.

Remus watched the falling stars, streaming across the sky, laughing for Saint-Exupéry. He smiled and laughed quietly, wondering which star belonged to the Little Prince.

"It means: One can only see with the heart. The essential is invisible for the eyes. It's very meaningful. The fox told the Little Prince that."

Sirius traced the sky with his eyes, watching the stars. "The essential, huh?"

"It's a wonderful book," Remus repeated, closing his eyes.

"Are the stars essential?" Sirius asked after a long silence.

"Perhaps," Remus said, his eyes still closed. He took a step towards Sirius and their hands rubbed for a brief moment, a spark of warmth in the bleak winter. "Thank you for brining me here, Sirius."


	23. Sweet Tangerine

**Sweet Tangerine****  
**_Theme #9:_ Citric scent

---

Sirius thought it over very carefully, staring critically down at his written plans, and taping his quill lightly against the crisp parchment, overlooking every little plan he'd come up with the past few weeks. The top of the page was happily titled _Operation Tell Moony_. Sirius always had to name his missions, and while this one was actually kind of dry and lame, it was still a title and that was good enough for him.

Now was the arduous decision on which plan to use. They ranged from dramatic and extravagant to quaint and heartfelt. But they were all good, and Sirius was indecisive for once in his life.

At that moment, the door to the dorm opened and Remus strolled in, holding a couple of tangerines Peter and he had frisked from the kitchens. He hummed lightly to himself as he pulled off the tie to his uniform with one hand and dropped it in his trunk before turning to Sirius.

"Afternoon," he greeted, and tossed Sirius a tangerine when the said boy outstretched his hand towards the werewolf. "Have you been up here all day? That's unlike you."

"Been lazy," Sirius lied as he looked back down at his parchment.

Remus began peeling his tangerine and the room filled with the sweet scent of tangerine. He hummed again to himself, the same song he'd been humming when he'd come in. He worried his lower lip as he tried to peel the tangerine's peel in one long, continuous strand.

Sirius watched him and then looked at his parchment with a small grimace. What kind of Gryffindor was he? Sirius did not plan in the ways of love! Crumpling up the piece of paper, he tossed it unceremoniously into the rubbish basket and peeled his own tangerine, watching Remus like a hawk out of the corner of his eye.

Remus was at his trunk, slipping off his heavy robe with one hand and holding onto the fruit in another, one strand of juice slipping from his palm and landing on the ground.

"Long day?" Sirius asked at last when the silence stretched on long enough for his tastes.

"I guess," Remus said taking a section of tangerine and popping it into his mouth. "Same as always. Are you going to eat your tangerine?"

"Yes," Sirius said, trying to look appalled by the mere suggestion of a wasted tangerine. He peeled his tangerine and took a huge bite out of it and the juice dripped down the sides of his mouth before he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"Hm," Remus hummed, unamused by Sirius' messiness. He shut his trunk once he'd removed the necessary amounts of clothing, leaving just his button down shirt and his slacks. He collapsed onto his bed, back upwards, his head buried in his pillow. He groaned, "I am so tired."

"Moony, I have something to tell you," Sirius said promptly and abruptly. Remus glanced at him by turning his face to the side, one eye emerging from the expanse of fluffy pillow.

"Oh?" Remus said, arching his back up and stretching not unlike a cat. "What is it?"

"I think I should kiss you," Sirius said without preamble.

Remus blinked at him, and while he did look quite surprised by such a statement, it was simply surprise. Sirius couldn't detect any anger or disgust or fear. Just curiosity and surprise.

Remus' lips pursed in thought and his brow furrowed for a short moment. He wasn't looking at Sirius, but, rather, at a distance past his shoulder. He worried his lower lip and his fingers threaded through his own hair nervously.

"Well," Remus said at last, just as Sirius' patience was about to drain him. Finally his eyes locked on Sirius' and he smiled sweetly. "If you think you should."

Sirius nodded and stood, approaching Remus' bed, where the other boy sat up to meet him. He slowed as he reached him, standing between Remus' knees. The other boy looked up at him, his eyes curious but no longer surprised, and almost expectant.

He grabbed Remus' forearms and hauled him to his feet. His lips were there to greet him when he rose. They kissed and it wasn't anything earth-shattering or heart-stopping to look at. It was just a kiss between Sirius and Remus. But... if asked, both boys would have said it felt earth-shattering and heart-stopping.

And Remus' lips and tongue tasted like citrus.


	24. Sorry Isn't Good Enough

**Sorry isn't Good Enough  
**_Theme #11:_ Bitter honey

---

Remus sat at the table in the common room, studying. Sirius stared at his back, trying to summon the proper words.

An uneasy smile bloomed on Sirius' lips. He rubbed his hands nervously, staring at Remus' back. "Do you… need any help?"

"I don't need any help you can give me," Remus said coldly.

Sirius retreated a step, as if Remus had struck him. "Ah… I didn't mean it like that."

"Go away," Remus told his homework, refusing to lift his gaze. He blinked rapidly so he could banish the painful tears collecting in his eyes. "Leave me alone."

The smile wilted off Sirius' face. "Remus… please… If you'd just talk to me."

"Betrayer," Remus said harshly, his eyes clenching shut and his grip on his quill increasing. "Go away."

Sirius stared helplessly at Remus' back, his slate grey eyes impossibly sad. Remus was angry, and Sirius understood why, but that didn't mean he wasn't upset about it. He took a step towards Remus again, stretching out his hand as if he were about to grab the boy. But both boys stilled and a strange silence saturated the air.

"Go away," Remus repeated, sounding broken and unfathomable depressed.

Sirius' hand clenched and he retracted it to his chest. His heart throbbed painfully and he clenched the fabric of his cloak. He ducked his head and clenched his eyes shut.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered out brokenly. "If I could take back what I did…"

"You can't," Remus cut him off before a broken whisper of impossibilities could occur. "You _can't._"

"Remus… I'm so sorry…"

"Sorry isn't good enough anymore, Sirius," Remus said helplessly. He shook his head and clenched his quill tighter. The tip was digging into his palm, but he didn't care, even when he felt it puncture his skin. "Just leave me alone. Please."

Finally Remus lifted his head. His face was a perfectly practiced display of apathy. There was no sign of his pain, of his hurt, of his sorrow. He regarded Sirius blankly, his eyes a dark, bitter honey. Sirius swallowed, feeling his heart shatter into thousands of little pieces and clatter about his chest.

He dropped his hand and sighed feebly. "Okay. I'll leave you alone."

Whatever Remus was expecting Sirius to say, that hadn't been it. There was a crack across his perfectly formed expression. His eyes flashed painfully. His hands clenched and he turned his face away. It was for the better. He knew this.

"I know it doesn't matter anymore," Sirius whispered, sounding tired and defeated. "But I regret what I did. I never wanted to hurt you. I wasn't thinking. It was stupid. I was stupid. And I am so sorry for it."

"Sorry isn't good enough anymore," Remus repeated.

"I know," Sirius responded. He sounded like he would cry. "But it's the truth. I would give anything to have you back."

The quill in Remus' hand snapped and the boy stood up. He glared at Sirius, hating him for making him feel this way. He hated him for putting him in danger, for betraying his secret, for treating him like a mere catalyst for a prank. But he hated Sirius even more for, despite all of this, still loving him, and Remus loving him in return. Over everything else, Remus hated Sirius for still making him _care_.

"Don't talk to me again," Remus said painfully, blood dripping from the cut in his palm. "Just leave me alone, Sirius. It's too late. Quit trying to manipulate me."

"That's not what I'm doing," Sirius protested, reaching for Remus again.

The other boy retreated abruptly, bumping into his chair and knocking papers to the floor. He gripped the table for support and stared at Sirius with wide, frightened eyes.

"Don't come near me. You betrayed me. How can you expect me to just come back to you with a mere sorry?" Remus demanded.

"How can I prove it to you?" Sirius begged. He so rarely begged.

Remus looked away. "Leave."

"Remus…" Sirius whispered, taking another step towards him. Remus was trapped, pinned between the table, the wall, and Sirius. He stared at him, like an animal facing the hunter. He swallowed and flinched away from Sirius when the boy lifted a hand and cupped his cheek. "Remus, please," Sirius begged, "Look at me. Speak to me."

The hand on his face hurt. It was painful. It was painful having Sirius there. It was painful having somebody who was supposed to love him unconditionally standing there before him, a betrayer.

"Don't," Remus begged, but opened his honey-colored eyes to stare at Sirius. His eyes pleaded. "Please, don't."

A thumb passed over feverish skin. The rough, padded thumb pressed against parted lips. Remus clamped his mouth shut and tried to jerk his head away. Sirius lifted his other hand and cupped both cheeks.

"I don't want to lose you," Sirius confessed.

"Too late," Remus muttered. "Let go of me. What if somebody sees?"

"I don't care," Sirius admitted. "I don't care. I just want… I just want you to look at me."

"I am looking at you," Remus protested.

"_Look_ at me," Sirius said again.

Remus looked at him. He swallowed. He tried to look away, but couldn't break his gaze from the impossibly heartbroken look in the other boy's eyes. He'd seen that look so many times before, but never this intense. Never this frighteningly sad.

"You'll just do it again if I forgive you," Remus whispered. He touched one of Sirius' hands despite himself. "You'll just hurt me again. You play with my feelings all the time. You won't change."

"I'll change for you," Sirius promised.

"You said that last time," Remus said.

Sirius' eyes were smoldering. He looked like he meant it this time. Remus didn't want to give in. Remus didn't want to give him the chance to hurt him again. He tried to jerk his head away. His hands gripped Sirius' wrists and pulled.

Sirius kissed him, because he couldn't think of a way to keep Remus there. He was cold and unresponsive beneath him. The hands on his wrists slackened, but his lips didn't move. Sirius regretfully pulled away, missing his warmth.

The cold, bitter eyes were back. They stared at Sirius feebly. "Get away from me."

"Remus," Sirius began, but couldn't find the words. "… Please."

Remus did the one thing he was perfect at. He pushed Sirius away.

"Not this time."

But it was only a matter of time before Sirius wore him down, and they both knew it.


	25. Spies

**Spies**  
_Theme #20 _Crows

---

The crows had been coming more and more every day. They collected in the dead trees around his house, on the roof, along the pathway, in the yard. They were everywhere. Murder upon murder of crows.

Remus didn't like the crows being near him. It was common knowledge among wizards what crows represented. Death. Destruction. Doom.

The crows watched him, cawing quietly in the early morning. Their beady little eyes, intelligent, watched him inquisitively, as if drinking in every one of his tiny movements. And he felt even less at ease.

From time to time, James would stop by his house on the way home from his job, beaming with joy—for Harry was born that summer—and try to shoo away the crows for him. The crows always seemed to swarm even more in size whenever James came by.

From time to time, Peter would stop by his house, too. He would stare at the crows fearfully, and Remus wondered if Peter mirrored Remus' own look when he saw the crows. The crows seemed to swarm even more around Peter than James.

And then, very rarely, for he was very often busy, Sirius would stop by and the crows would be a sea of black in the early morning sky. Remus would watch them, his eyes wide and fearful as they cawed and fluttered in the air, staring at Sirius with their highly intelligent eyes.

Remus would always be quick to bring Sirius inside.

"It's a shame they're resilient to magic," Sirius muttered regretfully, glancing outside of Remus' dirty window and watching the dead tree filled with crows. "Dreadful creatures, aren't they?"

"Yes," Remus agreed, staring at the creatures through his window. "They are a bad omen. And in these numbers… something terrible must be happening."

"Nonsense," Sirius reprimanded, always the first to dismiss Remus' pessimism. "It's just because you have a lot of garbage cans outside, Moony. They like that kind of stuff."

"Maybe," Remus muttered, feeling miserable. A crow squawked outside and he clenched his eyes shut.

---

After weeks of the crow's congregating on his property, and increasing in size whenever his friends came over, Remus grew to believe that something terrible was going to happen. Something that involved all four of them.

He was so fearful of what would happen. He locked himself in his house. He didn't answer the door. He didn't answer the fireplace when one of his friends called. He didn't answer the owls. And his repellent spell prevented his friends from just appearing in his living room.

The murder of crows only grew.

He stayed in his room, trying to work out some way to get the crows to go away, trying to work out how destruction, death, and doom was fast approaching him. It all lead to one thing, of course.

Sirius came by every day, and he would pound on the door. "Remus!" he would shout. "Answer the door!"

Remus knew he should answer the door, but he was too fearful. He decided to let Sirius believe that he was out of his house. Sirius would pound on the door, but he would eventually leave.

Just let him believe he was out doing something.

---

After a month of his seclusion, Sirius pounded on the door with such force, that Remus nearly dropped his tea cup as he walked off towards the fireplace.

"Remus!" he shouted. "Remus!"

The werewolf stared at his door, wondering if Sirius could bang it with enough force to knock it inwards and expose him to the dark-haired man's view. He gazed down at his teacup sourly, the pounding on the door causing it to ripple.

"Remus, please!" Sirius' voice was muffled through the door.

Remus took a hesitant step forward, staring at the door silently. Sirius' pounds silenced but he could hear the man panting.

"Where are you?" Sirius' voice muttered, and Remus knew he was speaking to himself. "Where did you go?"

A crow cawed outside and Sirius swore.

"It can't be," he muttered to himself. "I refuse to believe it. Remus wouldn't do that."

Do what?

He stared at the door, even long after Sirius had left.

---

A crow squawked for the third time in a row, and Remus wanted to strangle the birds. They were racking on his nerves, ever since they first appeared. And now he was lonely and isolated. There wasn't much around that could make him feel better.

He knelt in his garden, trying, fruitlessly, to get all the dead leaves from the soft ground. It was October, and he didn't want to leave the leaves until spring. They would kill the grass and plants that would sprout up.

He was so busy working, he forgot he was supposed to be isolated.

He heard footsteps behind him and he froze.

"Remus," Sirius said lightly.

The said man lifted his head, staring up at him in wonderment. Sirius looked stoic and indifferent, a startling contrast to his typically expressive face.

"Why are you here?"

"Where have you been?" Sirius asked instead of answering.

Remus stared at his hands mutely.

"Where have you been?" Sirius repeated. "Nobody's seen you for a _month._"

"I've been here." There was no point in lying.

"Here? In your house?"

"Yes."

"Then why the fuck haven't you answered your letters, or your door? Don't fucking lie to me, Remus."

Sirius looked desperate. He looked frightened. He looked angry.

Remus stared at him in shock. "I'm not lying. I've been here."

Sirius said nothing. He stared at Remus darkly, doubt dancing in his eyes.

Another crow squawked and Remus whipped around, looking like he wanted to kill something. He leaned over and picked up a moderately sized rock and hurled it with all his might.

"Shut the hell up, you stupid birds!" he yelled at the creatures as they hopped away from the rock, completely unconcerned about the wizard's anger.

A crow squawked.

Remus leaned over to grab another rock but Sirius grabbed his hand instead and dragged him upwards.

Sirius looked at him, concern written in his eyes. He could never be completely indifferent for long. Remus turned his face away, refusing to look at the intense slate-colored gaze. He bit his lip. He hated seeing that pain in Sirius' face when, moments before, there had been nothing.

Another crow cawed. Remus glared at them and refused to look at Sirius.

"Remus," Sirius murmured and his voice was soft.

The said werewolf gave his friend a weary look before quickly looking away. Golden eyes focused on the steadily tightening grip on his wrists. He clenched his own fists and tried to pull away from the black-haired boy, but Sirius refused to budge.

"Why are you here?" Remus sighed lightly, looking defeated.

Sirius frowned. "Do you not want me here?"

"No," Remus confessed and his face turns an unattractive shade of pink. "Not if… not if you're going to leave me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Remus lied, because he hated to face the truth. The crows fluttered in the trees.

"Who says I'm leaving?" Sirius continued, as if Remus hadn't spoken.

Remus still won't look at him.

"Answer me," Sirius commanded, sounding incredibly frustrated. "Don't you fucking ignore me, Remus."

Remus stared at him guiltily, because he'd been doing just that for the past month. He'd been running away and ignoring those around him. But the crows swarmed around Sirius, and were blocking out the sun. He was scared about what was fast approaching in the future.

"I'm sorry," Remus muttered and bowed his head.

"Stop it. What the hell is wrong with you?" Sirius demanded, shaking Remus for good measure.

"The crows…" Remus said miserably.

"They're just birds, Moony," Sirius said stubbornly, looking frustrated.

"No!" Remus protested. "They're not _just_ birds, Sirius. Every wizard knows what they represent! Death, destruction, doom! And they're _flocking_ around us."

"You're being silly," Sirius said, though with less conviction. He eyed a bird that fluttered too close.

"I'm not," Remus snapped. "Something is going to happen. And it's bad."

Sirius watched him for a long moment, uncharacteristically masked and calculating. He looked at Remus for a very long time before he shook his head, trying to will away what he was thinking. Remus recognized the look. Sirius doubted him. Sirius suspected him.

He bowed his head and grabbed the worn leather of Sirius' jacket. "Please, believe me."

Sirius' eyes softened, for he so greatly wanted to believe him. He took him into his arms. He hugged him tightly, and Remus clutched onto him, trying to ignore the crescendo of crow calls. He held Sirius tight, afraid to let go.

"I want to believe you," Sirius said honestly. He smiled sadly, and it broke Remus' heart. Remus' hold tightened.

"I know," Remus whispered. He knew it was hard for him. He knew it was impossible. He knew, in this time of war and fear, that Sirius was trying his hardest. But he had put doubt in Sirius' heart, and once there, it was incredibly difficult to remove it.

Sirius held him tighter, as if apologizing. Remus accepted it, for it was the best either of them could do. Remus, in turn, had to forgive Sirius and try to believe him, too.

But doubt was such a powerful thing.

A nightingale sang, mournfully, its small voice overpowering the cawing of the crows.


	26. Leave Your Mark

**Leave Your Mark**  
_Theme #27: _Pride

---

"Hey Remus."

Sirius waited for only a short moment before he took a sip of the bottle of Butterbeer in his hand. It sunk down into his stomach and stayed there, leaving him with a satisfying warmth. He sighed contentedly and swiveled his head to regard Remus.

"What?" the said boy asked, glancing at his friend.

"For a while now… I've found you attractive," the dark-haired boy said easily and punctuated his remark with another long drink from his bottle. Remus raised an eyebrow and frowned thoughtfully at the boy's face, cheeks pink from opening blood vessels and his grin loopy from an uninhibited tongue.

"What are you bullshitting about now? You're drunk." Remus turned his face away, trying to ignore the boy sitting beside him. He sighed and stared down at his own can—his first can—only half full.

They both sat leaning against the wall, and Sirius' head lolled to the side to regard Remus' profile. The brown-haired boy tried valiantly to ignore the scrutinizing gaze Sirius was fixing him with, but it was proving more and more difficult to pull off without laughing and crying or maybe running away.

"I'm serious. I've thought about you a lot," Sirius admitted, still regarding Remus' profile through hazy silver eyes. "When I'm… you know."

Remus gave him a vaguely horrified expression at a reference to something like _that_ and he jerked his head away, trying to keep his blushing face to a minimum. But, once he seemed to regain control, he thought about what he'd just said again and his face burst into a flame of red heat.

"Sirius, that's not funny at all." Remus was never one to play with feelings, and having Sirius doing it now was more than obnoxious. "You've had way too much to drink. Go to sleep."

As he spoke, Sirius leaned in and grabbed his shoulders. Remus jolted and gave him a bewildered look. Sirius slowly stood up and dragged Remus upwards with him. The werewolf swallowed thickly as he looked up at the boy. Since when had he been this tall? He must have grown over the summer.

"Sirius?" He stared upwards at Sirius towering over him. "You're seriously drunk."

"Maybe," Sirius agreed with a wicked smirk, his silver eyes dancing as it swept over all of Remus' features. Remus swallowed again as Sirius leaned over him, casting a long shadow over the wall behind them.

---

The sun filtered through the curtains and pressed against Remus' eyes irritably. Fuzzily, Remus blinked his eyes open and stared down at the pile of clothes, tangled sheets, and empty Butterbeer bottles. Hesitantly, he sat up and rubbed the back of his neck.

Sirius stared back at him from the other side of the bed, looking just as disoriented and tired as Remus felt. Swallowing again, Remus glanced down at his body and shivered quietly at what he saw there. Remus' body was covered in hickies.

He turned back towards Sirius, who regarded him silently, saying nothing. In turn, Remus said nothing at all. They both just stared. Sirius' body didn't have hickies, and Remus frowned before trying to climb out of bed. A sharp pain in his backside prevented him from leaving the warmth of the bed and he leaned against the headboard crossly.

He glanced over at Sirius again, who was still watching him. He probably had a killer hangover by now. Remus had the common sense to not drink the night before, but he still felt drunk off of something. That, and his body was sore and puckered from Sirius' kisses.

"Don't worry about what happened last night," Remus said at last when staring at one another was starting to get a bit tedious. "You were drunker than I've ever seen you before.

With some difficulty and a jolt of protest from his backside, Remus stood up and managed to pull on his uniform for school. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Sirius dress and knew that Sirius was watching him. He cleared his throat quietly.

When he turned around again Sirius was standing too close, invading his personal space, as he was often known to do.

Sirius touched his shoulder and pulled him close. "Remus…"

"Hey!" Remus protested, not expecting the contact.

"Last night… I was… it felt nicer than any time I've ever been with a girl," Sirius admitted, after some difficulty. He stared at Remus, willing him to understand what he wasn't saying. Remus stared at him and then his face turned bright red.

Remus turned his face away, his cheeks red and his eyebrows knitted together in anger. "Don't compare me to girls."

"I'm sorry!" Sirius said, flustered by Remus' words. "No, I didn't mean it like that."

Sirius couldn't find the words to say what he wanted to say, and Remus was giving him a strange look.

"I… I want to hold you again." Sirius blushed.

Remus looked shocked for a moment before his eyebrows slanted downwards and his cheeks turned an even brighter red color. He turned his face away sharply.

"I'm not a toy," he snapped. "I'm not your fuck-buddy."

"No!" Sirius said, surprised and shocked. "I never said anything about you being a fuck-buddy!"

"What, then?" Remus snapped, wrenching his shoulder out of Sirius' grip. "If a fuck-buddy isn't a friend you have sex with, then what is it, Sirius?"

There was a small, tense silence that followed that question. Sirius stared down at his friend with widened silver eyes and he swallowed thickly. Summoning up his courage, he said the thing he wanted to say.

"If I told you I wasn't drunk last night," Sirius said instead of answering Remus' question, "what would you do?"

"Huh?" Remus' eyes widened in shock. He looked like he was about to answer when, suddenly, the door flew open and James and Peter streamed in.

"Ah, you guys are up early!" James said cheerfully, his hair disheveled just like always, and his glasses slightly crooked. "Did you guys finish the essay for Charms? I had to finish mine last night. It totally sucked, I ended up falling asleep at the table." He glanced at the mirror hanging on the wall and examined his reflection. "Damn, I look like a mess."

"I had to keep waking him up," Peter said, and, despite his lack of sleep and the early hour, looked quite cheered by the fact he'd been able to help James at something. "Did you guys manage to finish it?"

'It was pretty hard," James supplied, his eyes widened. "We were surprised that you guys didn't show up downstairs to work on it, too."

"Well, Moony probably finished it a while ago," Peter supplied, nodding his head wisely.

"Oh, yes, good ol' Moony," James said with a shrug. "But what about you, Padfoot? And my God, how many Butterbeers did you drink last night? This place is a wreck. Drinking without me, what a crime."

"Y-yeah, it was difficult," Sirius said, flustered at being interrupted while on the verge of something incredibly important with Remus. He glanced at Remus. "The charms essay I mean… not the drinking."

Remus wasn't looking at him.

---

That day, while in Transfiguration, the students were practicing turning lizards into newts, and it was long and boring and tedious for anybody who hadn't gotten proper sleep. James kept yawning and turning his lizard into a frog accidentally. While this was still rather cool to see, it wasn't the assigned task and he lost a couple points from Gryffindor.

Peter struggled, but finally managed to make a newt, even if it had two heads. He kept retrying and praying that he wouldn't create a newt with two back ends, because he suspected James and Sirius would never let him live that down.

Remus did fine, having received enough sleep, even if his mind seemed heavy with his thoughts of the night before. That, and he couldn't sit comfortably today after the excursions from the night before.

Sirius was distracted, as usual. He swirled his wand over the lizard distantly and accidentally turned it into a chicken, which caused even more lost house points. Sirius couldn't summon anything within himself to care. Besides, Remus made a successful newt shortly afterwards and regained the lost points Sirius had lost for their house.

"I don't want to go to charms," James decided. "I just want to go back to the tower and sleep. But this essay I wrote is Outstanding material, and this newt is a pain in the ass. Remus, how do you always do this so quickly—hey, what's that?"

"What's what?" Remus asked curiously, turning around to glance at James with a strange expression.

"That. On your neck," James said, pointing to the back of Remus' neck. Besides James, Sirius tensed.

"Well," Remus said, keeping his expression perfectly neutral, "I obviously don't know seeing as how it's on the back of my neck."

"Let me see," James demanded. James brushed aside some hair from Remus' neck and said, "Yeah, there is a hicky here. Damn, Remus, what'd you _do_ last night? That girl must have been wild."

"It's not that, James. Don't be silly," Remus said casually, scribbling away at his notes with his quill, now that his newt was successfully completed. "It's just a bug bite."

"Well, shit, what kind of bug bites like that?" James asked, shocked.

Remus shrugged one shoulder. "The underclassmen must be learning how to enlarge objects. I guess it must have been a jinxed spider or something."

"I guess so," James agreed, still looking uncertain, but had no reason not to trust Remus' words.

And, even though it was a lie to cover up the truth, Sirius' heart still ran cold. He stared at his lizard-chicken, wishing her were back at the tower and he'd managed to tell Remus his feelings before James and Peter had to be their usual interfering selves.

"That's good," Sirius forced himself to say as his heart throbbed. Remus turned to look at him, surprised the silent treatment had been brushed aside so easily. Sirius swallowed and continued, "Bug bites don't stay that long. Once they're gone, you forget they were ever there."

When he said that, Sirius noticed, or perhaps imagined, the quill in Remus' hand begin to tremble ever so slightly. It was barely noticeable, and Remus set down his quill very quickly and refused to look at Sirius again.

After class ended, they streamed to their charms class and spent the day listening to a lecture on charmed birds. Remus didn't look at him again, even though a couple students from Hufflepuff commented on the gross looking bug bite on the back of Remus' neck. Calmly, the prefect explained the situation of the jinxed spider, and the Hufflepuffs accepted this without any grievances and instead offered their best wishes should Remus decide to visit the hospital wing.

There was silence between Sirius and Remus the entire day. The two had no problem speaking with James and Peter—especially when they complained about the new essay they'd been assigned directly after their charms essay was turned in. Remus listened politely, head in hand and nodding at the proper intervals, but Sirius stared off into space, watching the cloudy sky morph and change high above them in the dining hall.

The rest of the day's classes passed by slowly and Sirius couldn't remember what he'd learned about or what his homework was. Usually he relied on Remus for such things, but his mind was heavy with the thoughts of what they'd done the night before.

He could remember every cry, every moan, every whispered word in his ear. It brought him some comfort to remember the warmth he felt when Remus had arched upwards into him. Golden eyes wide open in pleasure as he hissed out Sirius' name discreetly and hands clenched his back or the sheets crumpled up around them.

He shook his head. He shouldn't be thinking about things like that right now. Remus wanted to pretend it never happened, and he was supposed to pretend to be drunk. That was the way it was. That would be the way it would remain. They could both walk away with some of their pride still intact, and at least he'd have a fond memory to call back upon should the need ever arise.

After dinner, which consisted of tasteless food—at least for Sirius—Peter was off to the kitchens to get some more dessert for himself and his three friends. James was off 'wooing'—his word, not Sirius'—Lily Evans in the common room.

Sirius threw his cloak into his trunk with a flick of his wrist and he glared angrily at the window, wishing it would shatter under his intense scowl. Today had been terrible, and now, in the shelter of the night, every memory from the night before came to him in bitter precision, haunting him like a poltergeist and making him long for unconsciousness, and, yet, at the same time, longing for a repeat of those feelings, of those words, of those actions.

And then the door opened and Remus walked in with a pile of books from the library. He froze when his eyes locked on Sirius.

They were alone in the room.

Remus looked about ready to run out of the room, books be damned, but Sirius was too quick with him. He extracted his wand and slammed the door shut behind Remus. The wind the door produced wavered his graying hair, and Remus' eyes were widened in fear as the lock clicked shut behind him.

"You can't run away now," Sirius said, stepping towards Remus.

Remus swallowed and tried to inch his way around Sirius. He managed to get by and deposited his books onto his bed, his back to Sirius. They said nothing for a long moment before Sirius stepped forward and grabbed Remus.

He pressed Remus against the wall. Remus stared at him in shock.

"This will be the last time I do this, so don't worry," he reassured when he felt Remus tense beneath him. He grabbed Remus' cloak and brushed it aside, displaying the young man's skin, marred with his marks.

He leaned over Remus, kissing the side of his neck. He heard Remus' breath hitch and continued to kiss until the skin was red and irritated from his attentions.

"When this mark fades… before it fades, I'll try and just be your friend. I'll forget my feelings." Sirius clenched his eyes shut. If this is what Remus wanted, then so be it. This was the way it was going to be.

"I…" Remus whispered.

Sirius lifted his head at a strange, strangled hiccupping sound rippled past Remus' lips. He was shocked to see Remus didn't look elated or disturbed, as he had expected, but, instead, incredibly upset. His face was flushed and his eyes looked pained. His lips moved, but no words managed to work past.

He bit his lip and dipped his head downwards, trying to maintain control of his emotions and his wavering voice. "I don't want it to fade," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I never want it to fade."

"You… you don't?"

"You said you weren't drunk," Remus muttered, embarrassed. "Aren't you smart enough to remember?"

Sirius gave him a hopelessly confused look.

"That entire night," Remus continued, as if expecting Sirius' ignorance. "Didn't you notice that I didn't once push you away? That I didn't once put up a fight?"

Sirius' eyes widened as the slideshow of the night before flashed by in his mind's eye, accompanied by Remus' soft eyes, blushing cheeks, smiling lips.

"You… didn't…" Sirius admitted, feeling foolish for not realizing it before. He swallowed, wishing he could take back his comment about the fading bug bite. He hadn't imagined Remus' shaking hands.

"I don't want to forget," Remus admitted.

"But… why?" Sirius whispered, his eyes wide.

Remus gave him a withered look, but the sides of his lips threatened a smile. Sirius felt his heart warm at the look and he nodded his head eagerly when Remus hesitated.

The young man rolled his eyes. "Isn't it obvious?"

"No…?" Sirius guessed, his hold on Remus gripping.

"I like you, I really, really like you, Sirius."

Sirius stared at him for a long moment before he started to laugh, a quiet little chuckle rippling in his throat before he hugged Remus close to him. His heart soared when he felt Remus wrap his arms around Sirius in return, holding him close, cradling him against him. He felt Remus rest his head against Sirius' shoulder.

"I really really like you," Remus repeated, his eyes clenched shut. "I thought you knew."

"I like you, too," Sirius said stupidly, for lack of anything intelligent to say. He squeezed Remus tighter, feeling himself drown inside of Remus' warm embrace.

The haunting images in his mind's eye burst to life again and Sirius ducked his head and kissed Remus squarely on the mouth. The prefect did not protest this intrusion and, instead, happily took Sirius' kisses and offered up his own in return.

The next morning Sirius had his own marks from the "jinxed spider" on his neck and shoulders. Students were alarmed that there was a spider rampant in the castle, but Sirius and Remus merely snickered at their distress and shrugged it off.

It took a while for those marks to fade, but they took nothing else with them.


	27. Scars

**Scars**  
_Theme #5: _Send me the thorns

---

The second full moon of sixth year fell during Halloween. Hogwarts had a tradition of making Halloween a fun-filled night, complete with overly festive ghosts and pumpkin juice. It was easy to appreciate the holiday, a welcome reprieve from almost two months of studies. Naturally, after a full two months of studies and narrowly escaping detection for their pranks, James, Sirius, and Peter welcomed the party happily. So happy were they for the festivities, it was nearly halfway through the night before Peter happened to glance out the window and realize, with dread creeping into his heart, that the full moon cast a dreary branch of light from the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall. It taunted them from the night sky beyond.

They'd raced down the pathway inside the Whomping Willow as fast as they could, overcome with their shame. They were large now, and navigating through the narrow passage proved troublesome in their haste. Once or twice James' antlers caught on the low ceiling, or Sirius leapt too vigorously and crashed his head against the ceiling, too. They'd run quickly on their four legs, Peter snug between James' antlers, and emerged in the Shrieking Shack after much haste and accidental bumping and collisions.

The three of them didn't know what to expect when they got there. This was the first full moon they'd nearly missed since their original transformation into their animal counterparts. They'd always been there on the full moon to accompany Moony through his lonesome, painful nights. The shack was eerily silent until a strange, inhuman scream pierced the night sky, coming from a room above them.

They were quick to race up the stairs, searching for the screams of a pained werewolf. With minimal effort, the stag and the dog smashed the door inwards, revealing the wolf inside the tattered, Spartan bedroom. They found the werewolf there, screaming loudly and scratching at his body. He howled and snarled at the three new arrivals, but the animals stood their ground. It took fifteen minutes of snarls, scratches, and inflicted wounds on himself and the other animals before the werewolf seemed to calm down and recognize the three animals that'd accompanied him for two years now.

The werewolf growled softly, his eyes searching between the three animals before slinking backwards, bleeding and limping. The wolf stumbled to the corner and fell down on its wounded legs. He stayed there, huddled, staring at the animals. He didn't move. He almost didn't breathe.

The stag stayed close, the rat perched on top of his regal head. The dog tread close to the werewolf, but the wolf was bleeding and whimpering and didn't seem to notice his friends' support. He stayed there, barely breathing, until the moon set and the sun rose.

The three boys had the common courtesy to turn away as Remus transformed back into his human form. With barely a sound, they left the room, the broken, wooden door the only separation between a painful transformation and the mortified friends. They tried to ignore the whimpers and moans of pain as a skeleton reshaped itself to its human form, and the bleeding, oozing wounds dripped painfully. Shamefully, the young boy grabbed his clothing and dressed behind the door, his cheek bleeding and his white uniform shirt soaking into a dark red.

"You should have told us, Moony," James accused when Remus emerged, fully dressed, looking thinner, paler, and sicker than ever before. James spoke hesitantly, looking frightened and worried for his friend.

Remus idly wiped away a trail of blood and shrugged one shoulder. The three boys tried to ignore the small cringe that followed his tiny gesture. He couldn't summon the words to speak.

Peter looked frightened, too. "Will you be okay, Remus?"

"I'll be okay," Remus managed to whisper out. "You should leave. Madame Promfrey will be here soon to take me back to the infirmary."

Sirius looked like he was about to say something, but Remus smiled. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes and his body was tense. Peter choked out a few syllables that could have, at one point, been words. James merely nodded his head, trying to ignore the veil wavering in Remus' eyes, protecting him, even from the people he trusted most.

"I'll be okay," Remus repeated, sounding anything but okay. The smile plastered on his face looked as painful as the bleeding wounds soaking through his uniform shirt.

The three friends went away as instructed, trailing haphazardly down the connecting underground path, on their hands and knees to accommodate the small amount of space. James brushed aside a pebble in the way, Peter moved slowly, and Sirius stared at the ceiling inches from his nose.

"He should have said something," Sirius muttered angrily. Whether he was angry at himself or at Remus was unsure. He blew out a brief stream of hot air, his eyes narrowing at the ground beneath his hands.

"But he didn't," James said. "You know Remus wouldn't."

"He still should have," Sirius protested stubbornly. He clenched his eyes shut for a second, trying to will the look of Remus' hollow smile from his mind's eye.

Peter whimpered. "It seemed extra painful this time."

"Of course it was painful this time!" Sirius said, more angry with himself than for little Peter. "We weren't there to distract him! Without any humans to stalk, all he has to chew on is himself! Of course he's in pain!"

"Quiet, there's the end of the tunnel," James said, situated at the front of the group and able to see the distant light. "There's nothing we can do about that, Padfoot. We'll just have to remember next time."

"That doesn't matter," Sirius muttered angrily as they emerged from the Whomping Willow.

"I see Madam Promfrey in the distance," Peter volunteered, and the three boys slunk behind the tree and took a back route back to the castle.

They walked back in silence.

---

Two days later, Remus wasn't at breakfast.

"He should have been released from the infirmary today," James mused to his oatmeal as he munched dully on a raison. "Maybe he's not hungry today."

Sirius watched the entrance to the Great Hall, waiting for Remus to emerge from the shadows. He sighed and picked at his bacon sadly, wishing that Remus was there. Peter ate his toast in a state of bitter melancholy. It was as if a dark cloud was hanging over the three remaining marauders.

"I'm not hungry, either," Sirius decided as he stood up, shoving his plate of untouched food away with a look of thinly veiled disgust. "I'll go check to see if he's back at the tower."

"See you later. Remember he likes the library," James proclaimed. Remus preferred the solitude of the library when he wanted to be left alone, since it was a rare day when his three friends followed him into the confines of the grand collection of tomes.

"I know," Sirius muttered to himself as he stalked away. He checked the infirmary on the way back to the tower, but Remus wasn't there.

He entered the common room and realized that Remus wasn't there, either. He wasn't in the dorms. It appeared as if he was in the library, after all.

Sirius exited through the portrait hole, on his way to check the library, and then pummel Remus for being in the library on a Saturday. As he passed by the prefect's bathroom, however, he heard a tiny hiss of pain. Stopping in his tracks, Sirius glanced towards the bathroom door, and then heard Moony's distinguishable voice through the door. The boy was muttering to himself, but Sirius had grown accustomed to hearing his friends' voices from beneath James' invisibility cloak to know Moony's voice when he heard it.

"There you are," Sirius mumbled to himself before moving to the door. He tried to remember the password. It changed so frequently. He touched the door handle and guessed, "Newt Tongue."

He heard the lock click. Perfect!

Without pausing to think, Sirius opened the door wide. "Yo, Moony!"

Remus jumped and whipped his head around to stare at Sirius.

Sirius slammed the door shut behind him as he entered like he had countless times before, much to Remus' annoyance ("You're not a prefect, Sirius.") whenever he learned of Sirius' quest to a forbidden bathroom. As Sirius adapted to the shift in light he realized too late that Remus was only half-dressed. Standing before him, holding his crinkled, freshly laundered shirt, stood Remus. His hair was wet and his towel lay benignly on the floor. Sirius stared openly at Remus' exposed chest, having never seen Remus without all his clothes in place before.

Remus stared at him in shock before ducking his head and finishing buttoning his pants. His profiled face was bright red, and one of his eyes still fashioned the final remains of what might have been a black eye. He didn't dare lift his gaze and, instead, focused solely on his pale, skinny fingertips. Sirius somehow couldn't pull his eyes away from the boy before him.

He was slouching and, in the unforgiving light of the overhanging lamps, Sirius could see, with bitter precision, every scar upon Remus' arms, chest, and back. They crossed over his chest like a sinister masterpiece, some looking fresher and cruller than others.

It was sickening how many scars danced across his skin, leaving disastrous reminders of Remus' condition. Each scar ranged from light and faded to deep and painful. He looked as if he'd run through a field of enormous roses. The thorn marks remained on what would have been a delicate body. But these were the marks of claws, digging, scratching prying into tender flesh.

"Remus," Sirius breathed, rooted to the spot. He realized belatedly that it probably would have been better to leave Remus to his privacy. Or to knock. Or to wait for him in Gryffindor Tower.

Still refusing to meet Sirius' gaze, Remus clutched the shirt in his hands tighter. He wore a tight, disbelieving smile. He turned away from Sirius, exposing the entire plane of his back, decorated with painful scars. Seeing them in all their glory, mere feet away from him, under bright lights, Sirius felt a weave of nausea wash over him as he realized how fresh many of the scars on his back were. Sirius wanted to speak but Remus quickly slipped on his shirt and began buttoning up the buttons. Sirius tried to remember how to breathe.

"I…" Sirius began but the words died in his throat.

Remus finished his task at hand and turned back towards Sirius without meeting his eyes. "It's nothing, Sirius," Remus told his feet. "Just forget it."

He raised his head and Sirius realized that there was a long, deep scar running from his forehead, across the bridge of his nose, and stopping a few centimeters beneath his eye. It was red, irritated, and looked incredibly painful.

"Remus, I…" Sirius tried again, but died a premature death just like the words before.

Remus closed his eyes, the tight smile stretching his skin and making him look years older than he truly was. When he opened his eyes, they were veiled and hidden beneath a thick wall of ice. "Just forget it, Sirius."

But Sirius knew, and suspected that Remus knew too, that he would never be able to forget that sight. He swallowed his words and watched as Remus walked by with some difficulty. His face was bright red and his body was shaking. He'd exposed far more to Sirius than he would have ever wanted to.

---

The next few days after the bathroom incident, Remus avoided Sirius. Remus was up earlier in the mornings, took his shower, ate his breakfast, and was in the classroom reading far before Sirius was even conscious of Remus' absence. During classes, Remus sat next to Peter or James, eased by the safety of two bodies between himself and Sirius. After classes, Remus retreated to the library or went on prefect duties.

"What did you do to him, anyway?" James noted after one particularly boring History of Magic class. Sirius had attempted to speak with Remus, gently touching his shoulder. The following sight would have been hilarious under any other circumstances. As it was, Remus jumped clear out of his skin before quickly darting away.

"I have no idea," Sirius lied. The look on his face clearly showed his misery.

James frowned slightly, before pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Did you insult him or something?

"No," Sirius snapped, growing agitated. "Just leave it, Prongs."

"He might still be upset about Halloween," Peter offered helpfully, watching where Remus had dashed away.

"That doesn't explain why he's still talking to us," James said, with a curious look in his eyes. "Hmm."

"I said just leave it!" Sirius snapped at his two friends before hiking up his book bag and stomping away angrily, his silver eyes more pained than angry. He whipped around the corner before slumping against the wall and pressing his hand against his forehead. "Please talk to me."

Sirius gained his chance a couple days later, when the four boys were in the dormitory. Sirius sat on his bed, fiddling with the feathers poking out of his pillow. Peter was snoozing. James was concocting another one of his love letters to Lily. And Remus was reading. Sirius had tried, and failed, to speak to the boy.

The clock on the wall chimed eight and Remus glanced up. Frowning thoughtfully, he shut his book and set it on his bedside table. Standing, he adjusted his school uniform before heading towards the door.

"Where you going at this hour?" James asked, saying the thing that Sirius wished he could say, but knowing Remus would never answer if he did.

Remus smiled benignly at James. "Bathroom."

"See you later, then," James said with a small wave as Peter snored loudly from his bed. Sirius sat up, trying to seize Remus' gaze. But the young man was already leaving the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

Instantly Sirius was on his feet and rushing towards James, who'd returned to his love letter. "Let me borrow the invisibility cloak."

"How come?" James asked innocently, though they both knew what Sirius planned to do.

"You know why," Sirius said, not even waiting for James' answer before snagging the cloak from under James' mattress and pulling it on. He was out the door in seconds and in the common room in just enough time for Remus to go through the portrait hole. He was quick to follow.

He padded behind Remus as the boy headed towards the prefect's bathroom. The prefect tapped the door handle expertly and muttered, "Dragon swill."

Sirius slipped through the door as it fell shut behind Remus. They stood together alone in the prefect's bathroom. Sirius stood, rooted to the spot as before, and watched Remus, with almost a bitter expectancy for the scars.

But Remus only stood for a long moment, his face clenched in pain and a hand grasping the hair above his forehead. He sighed feebly before shutting his eyes tightly. "Damn it."

Sirius stood in the invisibility cloak, watching Remus as he stumbled to the sink and mirror. Remus gripped the sides of the porcelain tub, his head bowed and his shoulders hunched. He remained still for a moment longer before he lifted his head and stared at himself in the mirror.

The cloaked boy watched in amazement as the werewolf lifted his fingertips and grazed the long, jagged scar across his forehead, over his nose, and under his eye. His face was tight and his golden eyes clenched shut, as if touching the scar pained him.

"Damn it," Remus said again as Sirius took a step forward. "Why did he have to see?"

Sirius' heart clenched at the same moment of surge of anger swirled in his gut. Why did Remus always insist on being so secretive and keeping this from the people who were supposed to be his friends? Didn't he realize that all Sirius wanted to do was to help him? That's what they all wanted. Why couldn't Remus be more honest with them?

Remus breathed slowly before raising his head again and tracing the scar with his eyes. It was still red and painful looking and he blew out a long stream of air, agitated by what he saw.

"I don't want…" Remus began before shaking his head. "Oh, what's the use?"

"Remus…" Sirius said before he could stop himself. He clamped his mouth shut but it was already too late. Remus whirled around and stared at the empty bathroom before him.

His eyes traced the room for a second, and every time the golden eyes passed over him Sirius felt his heart clench. He couldn't even begin to explain what the look in Remus' eyes was. He frowned tensely and took a step forward before crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay, Sirius, I know you're here," Remus said darkly, looking angrier than Sirius had ever seen him before.

Sirius hesitated for only a moment before removing the cloak from around him. Remus' eyes locked on his instantly, and the golden depths swirled angrily.

"Mind telling me why you were hiding in here?" Remus hissed. "Here to stare at me some more?"

"Remus," Sirius said quickly, "you know I'd never… that's not what I meant."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you!"

"Sneaking into a bathroom without me unaware is your idea of a good way to start a conversation?" Remus asked bitterly. He turned his face away. "Just leave me alone, Sirius. I can't handle this right now."

"I won't," Sirius snapped.

Remus gave him a hopeless expression. "Please, Padfoot."

"I need to talk to you. Stop avoiding me. If you want me to leave… you'll have to hex me out," Sirius said after a short pause. Remus gave him another helpless expression before sighing and turning his back away from Sirius and staring at himself in the mirror, his eyes instantly going to the scar on his face.

"I didn't want you to see."

"Too bad, I did. It's not so bad, Moony."

"Not so bad?" Remus snapped and Sirius realized instantly that he'd made a mistake. "Not so bad? You think that these scars… these proofs of a demonic creature inside me, things that cannot be erased because of the magnitude of dark magic… isn't… so… bad?"

"I meant that—"

"I don't care what you meant. Leave me alone!" Remus started to walk away, intending to lock himself in a bathroom stall until Sirius went away.

Sirius dove forward and grabbed the werewolf's wrist. Beneath him were criss-crosses of scars and it made Sirius sick to think about all the pain Remus must have gone through his entire life, with every transformation alone leading to a plethora of scars.

"Don't you trust us?" Sirius demanded, feeling hurt.

Remus' eyes were wide. "I d-do. But… I just… you couldn't…"

"Why did you hide it from us, then?" Sirius shouted, his silver eyes wide in his pain. "Why do you always insist on doing things yourself? Aren't we your friends? Don't you trust us?"

"Why do you think I hid it, Sirius?" Remus shouted, his face a bright red and looking pained. "I can't… there are enough reminders of my condition. I don't need more of your pity! I don't need more of your… of your…"

"Remus, we would never pity you," Sirius whispered. "We're all proud of you. Even with your condition, you're able to stand on your own and take care of yourself. You're—"

"Stop it, please," Remus begged, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I won't," Sirius promised. Remus flinched as Sirius' hold on Remus' wrist tightened. "We would never pity you, Remus. Why would you even think that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Remus muttered sadly.

"Huh?"

"I don't have anything that's truly mine!" Remus cried. "Not even my life is mine. I don't even have control of my life. My life is ruled by the moon, and I will never have control over it."

"You have us. You have me," Sirius insisted, grabbing Remus' other wrist and pressing him against the wall, staring at him earnestly. Remus seemed to attempt to push himself off the wall, but Sirius prevented him with his larger bulk.

"I don't have you," Remus persisted. "I don't even have myself."

"Shut up," Sirius said, visibly upset. He looked as pained as Remus had when looking in the mirror and touching his scar. "Just shut up, Remus."

Remus clenched his eyes shut and turned his face away. Sirius released one wrist and Remus was quick to attempt to shove Sirius off. The taller, heavier boy refused to budge and, instead, lifted his finger tips and touched Remus' forehead, over the beginnings of the jagged scar. Remus flinched.

"Don't," Remus begged, his eyes still clenched shut.

"You have me," Sirius repeated, his fingertips gliding over the red scar. "You've always had me."

Remus opened his eyes for a moment, the molten gold orbs staring at Sirius in disbelief. The fingertips moved over his nose and under his eye. Remus closed them again, remaining blind to the look in Sirius' own eyes.

"They're only scars, Remus," Sirius said. "That's all."

"How can you say that?" Remus said, but there was no venom, no displeasure in his voice. Sirius' hands cupped his cheek, the thumb brushing over the corner of the scar beneath his right eye.

"Let me see," Sirius said instead of answering. He released Remus' other hand and touched the collar of his shirt. Remus tensed and his eyes flew open as Sirius' fingers fiddled with the top button.

"Wait…" Remus said, his eyes fearful. Sirius stepped away from the wall and Remus found himself following him.

"Let me see," Sirius repeated. Slowly, Sirius removed Remus' shirt. It fell at his feet and Remus, looking terrified, stared up at him, awaiting his next move. Waiting.

And slowly, ever so tenderly, Sirius reached out a hand. His rough fingertips smoothed over Remus' scarred, uneven skin. His fingers followed the paths of the scars, committing each one to memory. Remus stared at him in poorly masked shock.

Sirius could feel his pounding pulse under his fingertips, but he didn't care. He saw the way Remus' cheeks turned pink, but he didn't care. He saw the way those eyes stared at him, singing for him, but he didn't care. These scars were his, too, now.

Sirius wanted to say something, but no words would come. Perhaps he didn't need to speak.

As his second hand started tracing another scar, Remus' eyes softened and his face melted. Very slowly, as if afraid to move, Remus' eyes fell shut and the tiniest of smiles traced across his lips. Sirius took this as a good sign and took a step closer, tucking Remus' head beneath his chin as his hands found his back and the criss-cross of scars along the pale skin he found there.

_You don't need to hide from me,_ he wanted to say. _You've always had me to rely on._

But the words didn't come, so Sirius conveyed his words through his touches, tenderly moving across Remus' back and arms. He heard Remus sigh and felt the lips on his neck extend into a peaceful smile. He felt hands on his hips, holding him close, beckoning him closer.

Sirius heard Remus' silent words. _Don't leave me. Stay._

And he responded. _ I'll always be here._

His fingertips traced the scars lovingly, feeling the smooth bumps and dips of tortured skin. He found his own eyes falling shut, no longer seeing the bitter reminders of lonely nights and, instead, simply feeling the emotions dancing between fingertips and skin. He breathed in deep and he felt Remus respond in kind, the hands on his hips responding in a deep need, a deep longing.

A hand cupped Remus' cheek again, a thumb brushing the newest scar. Remus' face outshone the sun, the tiny smile upturning his lips, and his eyes softened by Sirius' comfort. Hesitantly, Remus raised a hand, and the pale, scarred hand overlapped Sirius' larger hand, sending sparks of warmth coursing through Sirius' body.

Remus' eyes were closed again and he sighed gently, his body no longer tensed, but, rather, at perfect ease. The fingers touching his spoke louder than any words Remus could have said, and Sirius responded by a small sigh of his own, and by gently leaning his head forward so their foreheads touched.

His hands cupped Remus' reddened cheeks, lifting it skyward towards his own eager eyes. Silver eyes softened as he observed the softened expressions of a soothed human. Remus' eyes fluttered for half a second before they fell shut, his lips parted slightly with a silent greeting, a silent beckoning.

And Sirius dipped his head and kissed Remus, shattering the wall of separation between them and sucking out a bit of Remus' soul through their enclosed lips. And yet, somehow, it didn't seem quite as intimidate as it should have, somehow the moment between them, with fingertips grazing uncharted territory, outshined the simplest of human affection. But it was perfect. And no words were spoken. Their lips did the talking. Their fingers did the whispering. Their hearts did the singing.

Sirius pulled away and silver eyes met golden eyes. They stayed, frozen, for one long moment before Remus ducked his head, the smallest of disbelieving chuckles escaping his bruised lips. He shook his head and moved his hands from Sirius' hips, searching the long expanse of perfect skin and wrapping around a slim neck. Sirius' eyes never wavered.

Remus squeezed, keeping him close, drawing their bodies ever closer. Sirius' moistened lips quirked upwards into a tiny smile, his silver eyes crinkling at the corners. A breath of air rushed between parted lips, sharing a moment of intimate silence.

Words were not needed. There was nothing left unsaid.


	28. Words

**Words  
**_Theme #10_ All for us

_Author's Notes:_ This is based off of a Kingdom Hearts doujin called 'Sweet Sweet Sweet.' If you've ever read it, you'll know where the inspiration came from.

---

It was one of those hazy days in June, just before exams and summer vacation, where it _feels_ like it should be summer and like hell I'm going to do homework so leave me alone, Moony. That type of day. A nice day. A perfect day.

Sirius Black, accustomed to doing nothing on humid, warm days such as these, rested on his back, letting the grass tickle any exposed skin his shirt didn't cover. As the heat beat down on him, he loosened his tie and sighed dreamily.

"It's nice out today," he told his companion, who stubbornly turned a page in his book and continued reading, acting as if he hadn't heard Sirius and was intent on studying. "The studying idea would work," Sirius said conversationally, as if Remus was not acting like a silly girl and giving him the silent treatment. "If you weren't known to study _only_ in the common room or the library."

"You dragged me out here," Remus said, finally opting to acknowledge the boy's presence.

"I'm not keeping you here," Sirius pressed, grinning when he saw a blush paint across Remus' cheeks.

"Knowing you, you'd do something unnecessary to keep me here if I were to try and run away," Remus finally managed to say before returning to his textbook about poisonous ingredients to potions that were still potable. "Now leave me be. I need to study."

"The back of your neck is sunburned," Sirius continued, as if Remus' insistence on studying hadn't been heard—and it probably hadn't—and the Gryffindor boy reached out a hand and touched the back of Remus' neck, where it was turning red.

"Damn," was all Remus said, for he burned so easily but knew that a sunburn was easily remedied come nightfall when he'd be out of the sun and able to heal it with a flick of his wand. He wondered how his mother survived all those years without magic in her life and sensitive skin that burned within minutes out in hot sunny days.

"I think you've studied enough," Sirius declared and tried to pluck the book from Remus' hands.

The boy leaned backward, and a laugh bubbled past his lips before he could stop it. He looked at Sirius warmly before shaking his head and turning another page in his book, past deadly nightshade and onto the next poisonous plant.

"We're not all natural geniuses like you are, Sirius, dear," Remus joked, rolling his eyes skywards and blinking when he looked directly into the bright yellow sun high above them. He repositioned himself so that the book was propped up against a rock beside him. He rotated his body and rested on his side in the grass, one arm tucked beneath his head as he regarded the ancient tome sideways.

"Is it wise to get dirt on the book? It's not yours, after all," Sirius said uneasily.

Remus shrugged his shoulders. He shifted and his hand turned a third page. Sirius turned his head to watch him instead of the clouds. He regarded his face, the way his eyes flickered as he read, the way one bead of sweat rolled down his cheek, the way he licked his lips, the way the sun kissed his face pink.

The light brown haired boy looked up to Sirius smiling at him warmly, head cushioned in his palm, mimicking Remus' own position. The bookworm frowned for a moment before closing his book and setting it down gently on its back behind him. When he turned back around, Sirius was still smiling.

Remus leaned forward and Sirius met him halfway, kissing under the sunlight. Sirius closed his eyes and moved his lips, mouthing words to Remus against him. Remus stilled, and blinked his eyes open. When Sirius pulled away, he was still grinning and Remus was regarding him questionably.

"Study too much?" Remus asked delicately, raising his eyebrows upwards towards his hairline.

Sirius grinned, glad that Remus had understood his mouthed words. "Yep. You need to relax."

"What did you do?"

"Spoke without speaking," Sirius said proudly.

"…How?"

"Magic!" Sirius declared happily.

"…How?" Remus repeated, giving his friend a deadpan look.

Sirius laughed. He leaned over again, his smile turning sly as he kissed the corner of Remus' mouth. "Everything I do is magic, Remus darling."

Remus' eyes narrowed and he shoved the boy away, who released a small bark of laughter at the boy's rejection. He wasn't out for long, however, for soon he was back and invading Remus' bubble just like before, disregarding Remus' frown and shove away for the second time.

"You just read my lips," Sirius said, being perfectly serious now and inspecting Remus' eyes for something. Remus blinked and then rolled his eyes, laughing slightly at his friend's ridiculousness. "And you liked it. You understood."

"You're not too hard to understand," Remus teased.

"Say something to me."

"I don't want to."

"Come on…! Let's see if I can understand what you say," Sirius coaxed, jabbing Remus in the side so that he squirmed away from his fingertips. "You know you want to."

"Get off me, you great git," Remus said, shoving the heavier boy off of him and sitting up, checking on the book to make sure it was still in its proper place. He lifted his head and watched the clouds above him, the way the wispy clusters floated by, changing and adapting to the pressures of the wind.

With a sigh, he glanced at Sirius out of the corner of a honey-colored eye. Sirius was watching him, and gave him a toothy grin when their eyes locked. Remus was quick to look away, absorbing the momentary peace of the day, this beautiful life.

"While we're young, Remus."

"Sod off."

"You're so cruel!" Sirius said boisterously before slinging his arms around Remus' neck. The boy groaned and tried to shove the big faker off of him, but Sirius wouldn't budge. Resigning himself to a clinging Sirius, Remus reached for his book. Sirius protested loudly, "No, don't do that! Come now, Remus, don't be such a wet blanket."

"Get off me," Remus insisted and Sirius reluctantly released his shoulders.

"So cruel, Remus. I wonder if you even care about me," Sirius said with a flamboyant flourish and a dramatic sigh, falling to the earth and groaning about the injustices of unrequited love and cruel, cruel boys.

Remus scratched at his sunburn on his neck and cringed at the pain that shot down his spine. Sighing, he tried to block Sirius' puppy dog eyes from his mind's eye. No such luck. He turned back towards the boy.

"Fine," he said at last and Sirius perked up, beaming and brighter than the sun above them. "You great, big girl."

Sirius closed his eyes as Remus leaned over him, pressing their lips together tentatively and hesitantly. Sirius accepted the boy eagerly, his lips slightly parted as Remus began to move his lips, forming words without sounds.

Sirius' eyes popped open at the words mouthed against his lips. As Remus pulled away the black-haired boy sat straight up, his slate-grey eyes wide in surprise. Remus leaned back against the grass and looked up at him with a bored expression.

"Love you…?" Sirius asked, his voice sounding more high-pitched than he'd anticipated.

Remus said nothing, just toyed with a piece of green grass between his fingertips. He didn't meet Sirius' eyes.

"Love you!" Sirius said again, trying to regain control of his heart.

Remus sighed. "That's what I said."

Sirius moved forward and leaned over Remus, blocking the sun and casting the boy's face in shadow. Remus stared at him with a painfully neutral expression. Sirius watched another bead of sweat roll down his cheek and into his hair. He watched the way the boy's Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed thickly.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed him again, mouthing back a response that made Remus melt against him, fingertips wrapping around ebony locks of hair, slipping through his fingers like grains of sand. Sirius squeezed his hands under Remus' back and pulled him upwards, sweeping his mouth against his.

Remus arched up, their bodies melding together as if melting in the sunlight's heat. The sun was all for them, and they delved deep, the sun kissing their cheeks and their backs, the grass bending to them as they moved, fingers touching hair and skin, lips crushed together in a companionable affection and desire.

When they resurfaced for air, panting, Remus smiled shyly up at Sirius, who cheekily returned the expression, brushing some stray strands of chestnut brown hair from Remus' sunburned forehead.

"Me too," he said at last.

"I heard," Remus reassured, thumb grazing over Sirius' lips, moist and swollen from their kisses.


	29. Made for Mischief

**Made for Mischief  
**_Theme #17:_ Mischief

---

It was only his first year and already Sirius knew he was destined to be a troublemaker. Not only was he in the Gryffindor house, a fact that sent his psychotic mother into fits, but he was teamed up in the same dorm with his distant cousin, James Potter.

It was a match made in heaven, the eleven-year-old boy determined as he tried to wave his wand just right and practice his Transfiguration homework. He was starting to get the hang of it, and already he and James were the best in the class.

Sirius felt a thrill with causing trouble. He'd had a lot of practice with magic, growing up in the Black household. During their first day of class, James spotted Sirius trying to cast a sticking spell to all the seats in the classroom, and he'd been quick to offer his assistance. Thus, the troublemakers were born. During Charms and Herbology the boys were more likely concocting some kind of new prank rather than actually doing their assigned task. It wasn't even a month into school and already the teachers were unsure what to do with the troublemakers.

Yes, life was perfect for Sirius Black. He had a best friend who shared in his adoration for troublemaking, he was top in his class, he'd defied his mother's expectations quite exquisitely, and he was popular.

The one thing that bothered Sirius the most was that his roommate was always watching him. Remus Lupin was his name. Or at least that's what Sirius thought the name was. He didn't really know much about the boy and he didn't care to find out, really. He was too busy plotting with James to do anything with a quiet, strange looking boy. Peter, their other roommate, was only tolerated because he liked to help James and Sirius, too.

But the problem was Remus Lupin. There was just something a bit strange about him. Something that Sirius did not like one bit. He was quiet. He was polite. And he was always glancing at him.

At first Sirius suspected that Remus knew his family. But when asked by some Gryffindor girls, Remus admitted that he was a half-blood, which would nix the idea of their families knowing one another—Sirius knew his mother would never tolerate any relations with anyone other than a pureblood.

Then Sirius thought that maybe Remus wanted to be part of the group. But when asked by some Gryffindor upperclassmen, Remus admitted that he had no interest in breaking rules and found Sirius, James, and Peter rude and intolerable during school hours when he was trying to study hard and kept getting his butt stuck to chairs or purple skin.

So the only thing Sirius' mind could get to, logically, was that Remus Lupin hated Sirius' guts, and that was unforgivable in the young troublemaker's mind.

"Hey," Sirius said one day on the way from double potions with the Ravenclaws. Spending so much time with Slughorn trying to gussy up to him because of his family, Sirius was in more than a sour mood, and, upon seeing the back of Remus' head, felt something shift within him. "Hey, stop."

The small, lithe boy did as he was told and paused in his step. He glanced over his shoulder before recognizing Sirius and turning around to face him fully. "Hullo, good morning."

"Cut that out," Sirius said as he finally caught up to Remus and came to a stop before the other eleven-year-old boy. "You're really annoying when you're too polite."

Remus looked surprised for half a moment before he smiled bitterly. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"There you go again," Sirius said. "Why would you apologize when I insulted you?"

Remus shrugged one shoulder and continued to smile benignly. "I'm sorry."

"Cut that out!" Sirius said, his nerves snapping and he found himself growing even more frustrated. He wanted Remus to fight back. "What the hell? Why'd they put you in Gryffindor if you're such a coward?"

Remus tilted his head to the side, still smiling. It didn't quite reach his eyes, and even at the age of eleven, Sirius felt a strange kind of power rippling off of Remus, though he couldn't even be sure what that feeling was.

"I suppose that's none of your concern," Remus said finally, gripping his book bag tighter. "If you'll excuse me."

Remus turned around then, to walk away, and Sirius felt anger surge through him. He didn't know if it was because of the nasty letters he'd been getting from his mother, double lesson of potions, Remus' stupid attitude, the fact he hadn't played a prank today, or, perhaps, a combination of any and all of those factors, but Sirius snapped. He whipped out his wand and pointed it at Remus.

With a flick of his wrist and a chanting of a spell he'd once used on Regulus, a yellow beam of light shot from the tip of his wand and hit Remus square in the back. The boy gasped in surprise before his book bag fell from his grip and sent books, quills, and parchment all over the floor. Remus fell over, face-first, doubling over and grasping his stomach in agony.

Sirius stood with his wand outstretched and his eyes widened. Slowly, he lowered it in time for the Muggle Studies professor to race out from the classroom beside where Remus had fallen and was currently moaning in agony. She saw Sirius and her eyes narrowed.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor," she snapped over the murmurs and whispers of the crowd in the hallway. The professor leaned over the writhing boy before telling a nearby student to go get some help for the poor little boy.

And that was how Sirius began teasing Remus.

---

"I can't believe I missed it," James said at dinner that night. "What did he do to you, anyway?"

Sirius chewed long on his kidney pie before answering, "He was just being really obnoxious."

"Obnoxious? Really?" Peter asked, looking up from where he'd been shoveling some mashed potatoes into his mouth. "Remus doesn't seem like the type to act obnoxious. He's really nice and really polite."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Peter, and the boy shrank away. "He was. That's why. I hate his attitude. It's like he thinks he's better than everybody else."

"Are you sure that's how he acts?" James asked before taking a sip from his goblet. "I've never gotten that impression from him before, Sirius. I think you may be looking into something that's not really there."

"You're being stupid," Sirius snapped. "I know what I know, and I know that Lupin kid thinks he's better than us because he's polite and follows the rules. I don't even know why he's in Gryffindor, anyway. He's really cowardly and quiet."

"Perhaps he's just shy?" Peter offered.

"Bah! Gryffindors aren't shy! They're courageous and strong!" Sirius proclaimed, flexing an arm to show off his nonexistent biceps. James chuckled beside him, but Sirius magnanimously decided to ignore the boy.

He glanced down the table towards Remus, who still looked sickly and pale. He ate by himself, spooning some soup into his mouth and cringing whenever it entered his mouth. Sirius smirked into his drink as he took a long gulp. He knew his spell would wear off eventually, but, until then, Remus would entertain a very terrible stomach ache.

And so for weeks Sirius would prank Remus. Eventually the eleven-year-old boy would forget why he started teasing and just delve into the ways he could get Remus this time. It ranged from innocent to rather rude, including, but not limited to, shoelaces tied together, jinxes, stealing books, and anything in-between.

James sometimes would help him, but, for the most part, left the Remus-torture to Sirius' devices. And, through it all, even though it was obvious who was teasing him, Remus never said anything and just continued smiling benignly and going about his every day business.

It was pissing Sirius off. He wanted to see Remus angry.

One day after dinner, after searching the library for Remus in order to aggravate him some more, Sirius took a wrong turn and found himself in a darkened corridor on the way back to Gryffindor Tower. It took him a while to realize he'd taken the wrong turn. He'd been distracted all day, his mind wandering back and forth between homework and how to tease Remus some more. He just wanted a reaction from the boy. That was all. His constant politeness and lack of reaction was really, really aggravating for the boy. He was beside himself with exasperation.

"Why does he never react?" Sirius growled to himself.

It didn't matter what Sirius did. He'd do something to Remus and instead of the boy getting angry, sad, or frustrated, he simply continued on his way, ignoring him and with that same, stupid smile on his face. Just today Sirius had tripped him and he'd fallen face-first to the ground.

People giggled around them, but instead of lashing out at Sirius, Remus had simply collected his fallen books and brought himself up to a standing position. He'd dusted his cloak off, readjusted his tie, turned to Sirius with an indescribable look in his eyes, and simply walked away.

He didn't speak to Sirius. He didn't smile at Sirius. He didn't frown at Sirius. He just did nothing. And those eyes haunted him, and Sirius couldn't figure out why the boy was constantly on his mind and why he really just wanted Remus to show that he actually did have emotions and not just some robotic manners and slightly creepy smiles.

Sirius continued walking, muttering to himself and trying to locate the way back to Gryffindor Tower. Damn him and his forgetfulness. He had no idea where he was.

Frowning to himself, he almost heard the footsteps too late. They resounded off the cold, dark walls of stone. Sirius froze. He whirled around in time to see a group of older Slytherins marching towards him. They were laughing and sneering at one another until they looked ahead and saw Sirius standing there.

"Hey, it's Black," one of them said and Sirius swallowed. "We heard your Howler at breakfast this morning, Black. Sucks that your mommy hates you so much, huh?"

"Shut up," the first-year said angrily and tried to walk around them and find his way back to the common room.

"Well now, what's with the attitude?" one of them said, his voice smooth like deadly poison. He walked a circle around Sirius, looking down at the shorter boy. "You don't need to be mean to us, Black. That's unsportsmanlike. Save your anger for somebody else. Like, say, your own house. You certainly enjoy teasing that little wimp."

The boy paused and mulled over his words. Sirius glared silently at him, his silver eyes smoldering.

"Maybe it would have been better for you to be in Slytherin after all."

"Leave me alone," Sirius commanded, but was starting to feel uneasy when the group of larger, more experienced wizards surrounded him in an empty hallway. He swallowed and wondered if the noise was as loud as it sounded. His heart pounded and he gripped his wand tightly.

"Look, he's grabbed his wand," one taunted. . "Are you going to fight us, Black?"

"Leave me alone," Sirius repeated and tried to keep the stammer from his voice.

"Why would we leave a blood traitor like you alone?"

"I'm not a blood traitor," Sirius muttered.

"You're not? Then what are you doing wearing red and gold?" one of them sneered as they fingered Sirius' uniform tie. Sirius took a large step backwards, but crashed into another Slytherin student's chest. The boy shoved Sirius forward and he stumbled, his wand falling from his fingertips. His eyes widened.

"Uh oh, you're unprotected now," one of them sang out, punctuated by a dark chuckling. He kicked his wand away down the hallway and laughed louder. His two companions laughed along with him.

They descended upon Sirius then, their wands drawn. Sirius' eyes widened and he squirmed under their intense gazes. He tried valiantly to punch them away, but it was all for naught. They flicked their wands and Sirius tried to get away feebly before his legs collapsed below him and he knew one of them had cast a jelly-leg jinx.

He fell to the ground and bashed his head against the stone floor. He hissed in pain and laid there, trying to find a way to move away without having to resort to wiggling and crawling—he knew that was exactly what the boys above him wanted. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to see where his wand had been kicked away so that he could protect himself.

He felt a jab of pain as a streak of green ran past his shoulder. He wasn't sure what the hex was, but it was painful just from the merest touch. He tried to stifle the cry of pain bubbling in his throat. Above him, the Slytherins laughed merrily, their wands flickering in the darkness as they cast their spells.

And then, from the darkness, someone whispered, "_Petrificus Totalus._"

From the darkness beyond the circle of boys, flashes of light emerged and hit the three Slytherins in the chests. They fell to the ground in their full-body bind. Sirius hastily sat up, looking to find his savior. A boy in a cloak grabbed his hand and raced along, dragging the wobbling boy behind him. Sirius tried to keep up, but his jelly legs gave him some trouble.

"W-wait, my legs," Sirius protested as the boy tugged. He was short and he moved quickly, darting in the darkness. He tugged on Sirius' hand and kept going. "H-hey!"

His savior wouldn't let up and kept pulling him along. They raced through endless hallways and up endless flights of stairs.

"Watch out for the step at the top," Sirius warned when he began to recognize his surroundings. He looked around in wonderment. "If you step on it your leg gets caught."

He saw the boy in front of him nod and hop over the step when they reached it. Sirius realized, with some distaste, that they actually weren't that far away from the tower, and he silently berated himself for being so clueless. His savior didn't stop until they were in front of the Fat Lady. She eyed them, but, when they didn't give a password, went back to her bottle of wine happily.

Panting, his savior released the jinx on his legs and Sirius stood up hesitantly. "Thank you!"

Now that he wasn't focused on running away from stronger upperclassmen, preoccupied with the jelly-leg jinx and trying to run, and where in the hell he was, Sirius could now focus on who'd been the one to save him. Quite obviously it was a Gryffindor, because he knew where the tower was. He looked towards him, a smile and another thank you on his lips. Then he recognized the boy and he blinked in surprise. Remus Lupin looked back at him apathetically and pocketed his wand feebly.

"You?" Sirius asked in surprise.

Remus looked at him and Sirius couldn't tell what kind of expression he had. He watched him for a long moment before shrugging one shoulder.

"Why'd you help me?" Sirius asked after a flustered few moments when his mouth flopped open and closed in his disbelief. Remus shrugged and held Sirius' wand out to him. Hesitantly, Sirius reclaimed his wand and put it in the pocket of his trousers. He continued to stare at Remus. "How the hell did you find me?"

Remus mulled over his words for a long moment before stating, calmly, "I was coming back from the infirmary and noticed you were in trouble."

"…Why were you in the infirmary?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged again, not giving anything away in his answers. "Because."

"Why'd you help me? You could have just left me alone," Sirius protested. "I mean, let's be honest. I've never been nice to you."

Remus was quiet for a moment and Sirius knew he was thinking. He'd grown accustomed to seeing Remus' face and somehow knew what each of his expressions, no matter how small and insignificant they may appear, meant.

"I didn't mind," Remus finally said after a long, awkward silence.

"What?" Sirius jolted.

"You're not too mean to me," Remus said at last, tapping his fingers against his lips. "I'm used to it."

"Used to it?" Sirius mimicked, his eyes widening.

"…Not many people… like me," Remus said at last, smiling benignly, the smile not even beginning to reach his eyes, which, to Sirius, seemed incredibly sad. He hated it when he smiled and there was nothing in his eyes—and that expression happened very often. "I'm used to being disliked."

"It's not like I disliked you or anything," Sirius said, flustered.

Remus tilted his head to the side. "Well, you certainly don't like me."

"Well… no… but… I mean… surely there's somebody who likes you," Sirius said, feeling worse and worse by the moment for the way he'd treated Remus.

"Nightshade," Remus said to the Fat Lady.

"It's about time," the portrait said disdainfully before swinging open to admit the two first years. "You better hurry. Curfew will be soon."

Remus stepped through the portrait hole easily, with Sirius hot on his heels. He grabbed the sleeve of Remus' cloak and tugged to prevent the enigmatic boy from disappearing. Remus turned to look at him politely, but it was obvious that he wished for the conversation to be over. They were alone in the common room—people were either preparing for bed or weren't ready to stay up late working on essays. Suddenly it seemed intimate how close the two were standing, even if they were only first years.

"Surely there's somebody who likes you. You've got friends, right?"

Remus laughed bitterly, his eyes closing. "I don't want friends."

"You don't want friends?" Sirius seemed genuinely surprised by such an answer. Then he got angry and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Remus. "Why? Because you think you're better than everybody else?" Sirius snapped, "Think you're so superior?"

Remus blinked his eyes before lowering his head, his cheeks turning pink. "N-no. That's not the reason. I just…"

He trailed off, worrying his lower lip. Sirius continued to stare at him, silver eyes watching him carefully as Remus stared at his hands. They clasped and unclasped one another, and the knuckles were turning white whenever his fists clenched. Sirius watched him curiously.

"Just what?" Sirius pressed when it appeared that Remus wasn't going to speak.

"I don't want people getting close to me." Remus ducked his head but he wasn't quick enough for Sirius to not catch the way his face was turning red and his eyes were wide and emotional.

"Close to you? Are you afraid they'll see how crappy your personality is?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms.

Remus' blush deepened and he gripped his hands tightly. "No… I don't want… them to get hurt anymore. Everybody I get close to gets hurt."

"Eh?" Sirius was surprised, out of all the things for Remus to say, that hadn't been what he'd thought. He hadn't expected Remus to say something like that, either. It seemed unlike him. But, then again, Sirius knew nothing about Remus. "Who'd get hurt because of you, Lupin?"

"I can't tell you," Remus admitted, and seemed sorry that he couldn't tell Sirius the truth. "I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything."

With that, Remus began a hasty retreat, but Sirius was hot on his trail. He reached out a hand and grabbed Remus' wand hand. The boy tensed and tried to continue running, but he was too weak to pull away from the taller, wider boy.

"You mean to tell me you don't have any friends here?"

The boy watched him, searching silver eyes for something. Sirius didn't know what he was looking for, but he seemed to find it inside his eyes. Slowly, Remus shook his head slowly.

"Well, you're in luck, then, Lupin," Sirius declared triumphantly. "You can be our friend."

"I don't think…"

"Shut up," Sirius demanded and then smiled hesitantly. "I mean, unless you don't want to be my friend. I was kind of mean to you, after all."

"Well… that is… I mean," Remus began and fiddled with his cloak for a moment before shaking his head. "I just…"

"You can be friends with us. We can take care of ourselves. Be friends with us. James and Peter already think favorably of you."

Remus seemed surprised to hear this and he blushed scarlet. "If… if you're sure."

"Sure, come on, Lupin," Sirius agreed, pulling Remus along.

"C-call me Remus," the little boy offered hesitantly, still unsure about the situation he'd gotten himself into.

Sirius glanced at him and grinned. "Okay. Come on, Remus."


	30. Beautiful Life

**Beautiful Life  
**_Theme #16: _Endless

---

"Next summer we'll be graduating," Sirius declared, arms tucked behind his head as he gazed up at the sky. It was hard to tell what he was thinking as he said that, but the look in his eyes suggested excitement and expectation.

Remus finished tucking his books back into his book bag and glanced up at Sirius through the fringe of his hair. "That's true."

James ran his fingers through his hair, but it was still messy so he eventually gave up. He'd been in much brighter spirits lately, ever since Lily finally agreed to go on a date with him. The satisfaction and happiness was clear on his face for anybody who looked at him. It didn't take a mind reader to know who was occupying his thoughts lately.

"The summer looks like it's looking up," James declared softly, before he caught sight of Lily's bright red hair and did a quick detour in his step. He walked briskly towards her, looking over his shoulder and waving. "I'll talk to you guys later."

Sirius and Remus watched him go, Sirius looking slightly rejected and Remus looking politely disinterested. They watched James move in step with Lily, who welcomed him with a small nod. They continued off in the opposite direction. It was the last day before the students were to load onto the Hogwarts Express. Students were currently lazing around the grounds, their heads either delightfully fuzzy from the excitements of summer or muddled and drowsy from intense O.W.L.S. or N.E.W.T.S.

The two remaining boys continued on in the direction they were heading. They reached the lake shortly afterwards and Remus sat down on a protruding tree root while Sirius dipped a hand in the water, to test to the temperature. He wrinkled his nose and returned to Remus' side, resting against the tree trunk.

"Too cold," he explained upon seeing Remus' questioning look.

"Oh, I see," Remus said absently, watching the way the sun reflected off the lake and the lake mimicked the images of trees, clouds, and the distant mountains. "Looking forward to summer?"

"Silly question to ask, Moony," Sirius said, but not unkindly. He sighed and arched his back against the tree, looking up at the lolling clouds in the sky. "But, yeah. I suspect Prongs will be going on and on about Lily this summer. Oh, the pains with living with the guy."

"Hm," Remus agreed, though he had no similar experience in which to sympathize with Sirius. "You can always cast a silencing spell on him."

"That's right! We can use magic at home now," Sirius said, but it was very unlikely that he'd actually forgotten such a landmark in his life—he was always boisterously talking about all the stuff he could do now with magic once he got home.

"I fear for the Potters," Remus said dully, before breaking out into a loud chuckle when Sirius shoved him off the root.

"You're welcome to join us. Heavens knows I'll need somebody sane to speak with once James gets on his tirade of Lily Love." Sirius added a little flourish and lamented, "Undoubtedly I'll be the audience of epic poems about Lily's hair or sweet serenades beseeching the beauty of Lily's laughter.

"Undoubtedly," Remus agreed. He smiled up at his friend as he sat back up, leaning against the root this time. "I think I'll pass, Padfoot. But if he really does grow tiresome, you know you're welcome to my house, no matter how small it may be."

"Thanks, Moony. You're a real pal," Sirius said with a gentle smile. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Listen to epic poems and sweet serenades, apparently." Remus smiled back at Sirius, his eyes soft and welcoming. Something sparked between them and Sirius chuckled, shoving at Remus' shoulder.

"Git," he said affectionately.

"Only for you," Remus promised as he turned his attention back towards the lake, watching a ripple travel from the center of his vision until it eventually disappeared into nothingness, for it'd been stretched too thin. He sighed and watched the way the wind wavered the trees. "I can't imagine being without this place."

"Hm," Sirius hummed in agreement, unsure how to express his agreement with words. His eyes watched Remus' profile as he scanned the horizon.

"This place… I never thought about when it would end. It just always seemed so far away. Endless years and years. I mean… this place… it gave me a place to belong. I actually made friends," he laughed quietly at Sirius' face and his eyes traced the way the wind whipped Sirius' hair to his side. "This is my home."

"I…" Sirius began but Remus was looking back towards the horizon.

"The lake is pretty today," Remus said evasively, finally reaching the moment when it would become too awkward for him to continue. His soft eyes regarded the world before him. His home.

Sirius reached out a hand and touched the back of Remus' head, feeling the softness to his brown hair between his fingertips. He felt Remus turn his head and saw honey-colored eyes regarding him warmly. Hesitantly, Sirius gave him a wobbly smile and slowly retracted his hand, letting his fingers pass through that impossibly soft hair. Remus' eyes fell shut and his smile didn't waver.

He breathed in slowly and, when he opened his eyes again, they locked instantly on Sirius' silver eyes. Another moment rippled between them, making a shiver run up Sirius' spine and a quaver pass through Remus' hands.

"I…" Sirius began, then quickly corrected himself. "We'll always be your friends, Remus, no matter where we are. We don't need the walls of Hogwarts to belong. You belong with us."

"I guess," Remus said, and while his words would have seemed indifferent to anybody else, Sirius knew that he was incredibly thankful for that promise.

They watched the endless onslaught of white, fluffy clouds together. They watched the ripples. The trees. The lake.

Eventually, Sirius scooted closer to Remus and their arms brushed. Neither seemed to mind the contact and neither spoke about it. They didn't need to talk about the intimacy between them. It went without saying, and without incident. They were always together, and endless companionship that was only rivaled by Sirius' devotion to James, and vice versa. But that was still something completely different from what Sirius felt for Remus, and what Remus felt for Sirius.

"The lake is pretty," Sirius finally agreed, and his fingers passed over Remus' knuckles gently.


End file.
